appleofhiseye

Hi, this is my first time starting a thread so..keep reading
I have graduated from treatment in May of 2009 and we needed to complete a few assignments in order to graduate. The first assignment was a Dear John letter, basically saying goodbye to alcohol ( my drug of choice ). I am not (in my eyes) a writer, but have been told I have a hidden gift. So, I hope you discover your ability to say goodbye to alcohol or any kind of substance that alters the state of consciousness.

Alcohol,
Wow, it never ceases to amaze me your irresponsibility toward your actions. Therefore, I'm taking the bull by the horns I'm taking responsibility of my actions. This choice was delegated by your total disregard for my feelings. I was naive to believe that you actually cared for me and my life. You have been revealed. The audacity of you showing up at that party with demoralizing deceit and ill tempered instigation was the straw that broke the camel's back. With their notorious ability to destroy whatever crosses their path, my affections for you have changed forever.

Before we were acquainted, my older sister Angie described the insatiable influence you had over her. At the age of 10 or 11 she introduced me to you. Your attempt to lure me into your tainted love was futile. However, I did witness the dysfunctional relationship you had with my parents. It wasn't pretty with the shouting and lack of self control. It didn't register in my little brain what this learned behavior would cost me in the long run. You popped in and out of my life within a decade from the first time we were acquainted.

At the age of 22 our acquaintance was forced violently into a delusional relationship. Like a prince on a white horse, you recognized my vulnerability and seemingly came to my rescue. You led me to believe that I had to confide in you to seem cool and collected before and when we went to the bars. You seemed so innocent at that time, but in actuality you were a wolf in sheep's clothing. You dined on my low self esteem, devouring each and every sweet morsel. You knew my feelings of inadequacy would develop a dependency on you, especially when no one else was there for me. I became so enamored with you that my life was spinning out of control. Sharing every other night with you felt normal to me. When we went on a date I felt like I was on top of the world. Yet the following morning you were gone and I felt like a pile of undesirable contents at the bottom of an outhouse. I became so dependent on you that I started to have an intolerance of you, especially after my parents and son were found frozen to death by the National Guard. You were right there after that trauma to make things a whole lot worse. You were around every where heaping destruction. My first DWI was the result of your influence. It wasn't bad enough I had just lost loved ones. We came from the bar, I knew it was wrong, but you told me not to worry. That's why I know that you don't care , your lies! My life was already in shambles, but you just couldn't stay away. So with all 5 of my pregnancies I stayed completely away from you. My last pregnancy I decided life was worth living for. I kept you out of my life for 4 years, it was awesome. Sure I had my ups and downs but I made it without your dysfunction. Because I was weak and made a bad choice, you came crawling back and tried to dominate my life. Ironically, it's been 4 years since I begrudgingly let you back into my life. It seems those years have been the worst years excluding my loss of my loved ones. In September of 2008, I had gotten my 2nd DWI, you were there. I didn't even plan on going anywhere that night, but fate had something else in mind. Because of all the hardships, heartaches and disappointments you so vilely poured on top of my life, I divorce you. You are dead to me! Don't even think about slithering back! My dreams and goals seemed so elusive, because you dug your talons of destruction into my back. But I have been set free, no longer a slave to you. Now I believe I can achieve success by being optimistic in all things. So, this is a new chapter in my life, and you will not be in it! Goodbye forever! Oh yeah, these will be the last words I hope will resonate in you deluded brain forever, " I have had better! "

Dee74

I hope this exercise helped you, appleofhiseye. Congrats on your recovery time too

D

appleofhiseye

I learned much needed information at treatment, and it did help. I hope it helped you

I really wanted control of my life again, and when I was consuming alcohol life was so messed up. I was ready, and still want to be sober, I'm so happy!

Horselover

Very, very well put Apple and you do have a gift with the English language. As Dee said, I hope it helped you and yes, it sure did put fire back into my recovery program. Thanks for sharing that assignment.

NewBeginning010

Great letter, good luck on the divorce ;-)

I wrote a poem recently re alcohol.. Ill be back with it.

NB

Got It!

Broken Soul

feeling broken today
but not sure why
my memories haunt me
no matter how hard I try

lost & bewildered
sits this broken soul
trying to figure out
how to fill up this hole

I have let alcohol
ruin my life
along with its friends
torture & strife

I need a new plan
to steer things right
to embrace & hold onto
with all of my might

so just for today
is how I must think
to save me from
that very first drink

for today I am broken
yes this is true
but I am still hopeful
of a beginning new

by

New Beginning

June 19, 2009

appleofhiseye

Thank you for reading it It is my life's desire to stay sober, I am worth it and the loved ones in my life benefit from it. Glad to help anytime

appleofhiseye

Regarding NewBegininng010

Thank you. That is a great poem, very profound. I have felt that, lived that, done and got the t shirt. Thank you for sharing too.

support4me

Apple

I do not no if I could have wrote this any better but u have a way with words that are very touching and helpful. Congrats on your time and take care. I will see ya around in chat.