searching

could really use some support right now...

Philly

Hi Searching,

You should definitely go to the hospital. At the very least they will help you with detoxing. They also may be able to set you up with a inpatient vacility. I don't think I needed medical detox but it was the beginning of my learning process. I learned that I never want to go through that again so I a trying to be one and done. I will have a year on 07/23/09. What do you have to lose? You need physical help as well as mental help. Good luck and keep reading and posting. There is a abundance of knowledge on this site.

Provider

Man, you are echoing my story exactly!!! I just went through this last weekend. I went through the shakes, pacing the floor, crazy thoughts, sweating up a storm, aches and pains, etc. I was horrible, but it can be done.
I feel so much better now. I kept thinking about how I had to be there for my daughter and passed out is no way to be.
I got a lot of support here and they really helped me get through it.....so can you. The first 48 are the hardest. You can do it, think of how proud your family will be!

searching

i know what everyone will have to say about this, your life is worth so much more than money but here goes anyway... i have no insurance, a 3 day detox is going to cost me like $5000 to $10000 dollers I just dont have, my small business just went under, even more reason to be depressed....

mistycshore

Well, maybe go to detox now and deal with not being able to pay later - when you're not detoxing and not drinking. It seems to me that you are caught in a pretty miserable limbo right now. I'm afraid if you stay there, you won't make it. If you make a move (even though it's not ideal), I'm betting you'll be better off.

Good luck.

smacked

Most emergency rooms have indigent care programs for people who cannot afford thier own medical care.

The Salvation Army has free rehab services all over the world.

It's your choice to get help, it's available.

1_day@_a_time

I just sent you a PM.

tyler

Most public facalities and some private ones will work with you on a payment plan. They aren't idiots, they know that by the time we reach this point most of us have pretty much blown everything we have. Don't let your pride stand in the way. I ended up having to file bankrupcy and move back in with my parents at age 40 I was so far gone. I feel lucky I at least had that option. Do what you have to do. There is help out there. It may make you feel like crap having to ask for it, but your'e proabably not feeling so good right now. It will be a step in the right direction. The nice thing about he support from AA is it is completely free and you can have as much of it as you can stand!! LOL

You are heading in the right direction, don't waiver now. Take care!!

mistycshore

I don't know about all over the world, but not locally. The Salvation Army here started charging a couple years ago. It made the papers.

mistycshore

Hi Searching. I was just thinking about you. I hope all is well.

ChameleonBoy

This actually ups the ante searching. Having to take medication in order to stop drinking is serious business. Do as your doctor advised and get past this. The hlep you need is available to not only get your life back but to give you a better life then you have had in the past. It's great that you are reaching out and seeking a solution. Now just do it.

vegibean

Hey Searching. Sounds to me like you're talking yourself out of it. Don't let that happen, please!!

Have you made any phone calls yet? I would call a hotline and find someplace. Where I'm at there are a few places that will take you no matter what.......money? Not an issue.

Maybe go to that local AA meeting and ask some people there.

The minute I started telling myself "I don't have the time", "maybe I can do this" and "I really don't have the money.........." I did nothing.

Trust me, there are places to go. I went into a detox that didn't cost me a dime. I spent months in a women's treatment center and sometimes the least I paid a week was FIVE DOLLARS!!!! They didn't turn anyone away though.

They are out there. You need to be your biggest cheerleader right now.

SurviveIt

Man, you're makin' me want to cry. I've been exactly where you are right now, not so long ago.

Get some help. Pray like a madman. It will turn around. Go to the hospital. Go bankrupt if you have to, but get help. Please stop back and let us know that you're doing OK. I'm worried about you.

searching

well I went back to the docter, she said im prob having fake withdrawls, said withdrawls take more than a couple hours, like 48 to 78 to kick in, she subscribed me some new meds to help with the stuff, since i have a history with anxiety she said its prob that kicking in not the withdrawls... i told her how high my bp was, her husband is an er doc and she called him and said it wasnt that bad as high as i thought it was... my family is all catholic, im not but they are going to take me into there therapy services, only have to pay what I want.... thanks again for all the help, Im feeling better about things...

tyler

Good 'ol Catholic health care. They took care of me for free, and I'm an agnostic!!! Glad to hear you are doing better. Hang in there, you can do this. Accepting help is huge, at least I know it was for me.

searching

I feel so very alone right now, i put my son to bed on the chouch, he fell asleep watching blues clues... the fireworks are going off all over town, my wife went next door to drink a few beers and watch them with her brother and sister in law, I should be there but cant. im still recovering, guess i deserve to be alone i left her alone passing out all the time. guess im getting what i deserve but i feel so alone, Im so sad right now....

tyler

You are not alone. You have your son with you. I wish I could still have the opportunity to have my son fall asleep next to me every night. Because of my poor choices in life, I probably haven't spent more than 2 weeks a year with him for the last 5 years. I live closer now and get to see him more often, but I've missed so much. He's 8 and still likes to be "snuggled" to sleep. When I visit I get to do that, but even living closer, it's only a couple of times a month.

I'm not saying any of this to get you down, as I know you already are. Instead of concentrating on being lonely, look at what you still have. Your son, your wife (even if she is next door with out you), your life (even if it's not perfect, and what you want right now, your heart is still beating).

I totally understand the depression you are going through. I go through it often myself. I will pile more and more upon myself, making myself feel worse and worse, because I feel like that is what I deserve. That is BS!! I know it's hard, I'm really struggling right now too. I have to laugh when people say I need to "learn to love myself". HA!! I'd be happy just not to hate myself so much!!

I'm telling you this so you understand that I know where you are coming from. But I also know that how "we" are dealing with it is never going to help or work. I've started reading a book called "Love is Letting Go of Fear" that one of my SR friends sent me. I'm only a little bit through it, but one of the basic principles seems to be that, in order to find "peace" we need to live in the present. We can't carry the guilt of the past, as there is really nothing at all we can do about it. We can't be afraid of the future, for the same reasons. If we can just manage to live in this second, we can find peace.
I think AA takes a similar approach with the Steps and "One Day at a Time". I don't think it's a magical concept, pretty simple actually, but if we don't practice it we will remain forever miserable.

Hang in there, count your blessings, give your boy a kiss, and know that you are not alone...you have friends here. Take care.

searching

thank you so much, it ment a lot to me right now! Ive been wanting to read that book, i have a terrible way of looking to the past and the future and not living in the present. thanks again for the message.....

Ready2Live

Thank you so much for your honesty. My heart goes out to you, your wife and little boy. Don't give up hope. God (HP) can heal every relationship. Surrender completely. Take care of you first. If you are well, the rest will fall into place. Meditation, deep breathing, prayer and this SR community is what is getting me through every minute. I have a failed marriage because of my alcohol abuse. It is heartbreaking... I empathize with you, sir. I am hoping for restoration in many areas of my life. I will be praying for you.

T.

searching

well she just came home smelling of beer and went to bed, no hello, no goodnight, I said i felt sad and she said no sadder than the nights I passed out on her. maybe our time is past, july would have been 10 years but maybe the trust is broken, i dont know, i feel so alone but thanks to all my friends on here for being there for me....