Antone

Today I was at an Oakland A's baseball game with a friend. There was a young woman in a seat behind us. She was alone and drinking and seemed kind of drunk. She was very hyper and talkative and kind of fun. At one point she asked me my age and why I wasn't drinking beer (I'm in my fifties, she was in her twenties). When she asked me why I wasn't drinking beer, I didn't know what to say. I think I said, "I don't know," as in, "no particular reason." She said, "This guy doesn't even know why he isn't drinking beer. For me it's default." It was kind of weird and hurt my feelings. That feeling just came up. Probably because on some level I found this woman charming (but she struck me as alcoholic, no doubt). I just let myself feel that and accepted it. But on another level I'm thinking, "Like I'm supposed to have an excuse?" I was caught off guard by this question. She asked me if it was because I had "responsibilities," like kids or a job to go to. My true answer is silence.

tommyk

Drunk people ask a lot of stupid questions.

I had a lot of experience in that department.

least

Who cares what she said or thought. Your not drinking is YOUR business. She sounds nosey, if not just plain rude.

marty888

Best answer I think is no im not drinking today and just leave it at that

Anna

Hmm, I wouldn't have answered her at all.

jmart

I know what u mean, misery likes company... and know it for that..Jay

mistycshore

Sounds like she wanted the company of another drunk and was trying to persuade you to fulfill that role for her. Good job resisting her maneuver.

Horselover

Someone said that the only people that have a problem with one that isn't drinking is someone with a problem with drinking themselves. I have found this to be a very true statement.

smynthia

You should have said because you're an undercover cop and you're on duty. Then ask her if she's driving herself home and how much she's had to drink.

If people press me, and if for some reason I'm feeling self-conscious that day, I usually say that I'm on medication. That's shuts them up.

Chamabama

I think it's interesting that you found her charming. From what you've described, she doesn't sound like she was being very charming.

Thank you for being sober! I wish there were more sober folks at ball games!

Horselover

lauraandersen4

Drunk people ::shakes head::

jade09

I think it's even worse when it's someone that knows you, that you have drank with before....and they want you to drink with them!!!
What I'm going thru now is everyone knows I quit.....or am trying to quit....and they don't want to drink in front of me, or they feel funny drinking....so it makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm ruining thier good time....it sucks...I'm just trying to enjoy myself without alcohol being in my system.....it's not easy, but it is possible

kwigers

Questions like that are perfect to let people know that I am an alcoholic, and the reason I am not drinking is because once I start I never want to stop, and I am not a very fun person to be around when I am drinking. Often just being honest opens the door for them to ask themselves the questions about their own drinking and behavior. It offers a chance for them to hear from someone who really doesn't think drinking is all that cool anymore.
Just my two cents plus five.
Love and light,
Cheryl

Aysha

I would have said because I dont want to look and act like you.

Sry you felt put down over someone elses ignorance.
Hang in there and I am glad you are sober.

Jules62

I just love you, Trish-LOL! And exactly.

Antone-I'm sorry this happened to you, but as others have said here-it says a lot more about her than it does about you.Be proud of the fact you're sober.What other people think really doesn't matter.You're doing great.

gravity

I have not had a drink in over 18 months and it still bothers me a bit when people tease me or question me about not drinking. It's pride.

What do I do? I say no thanks, I quit...then I smile and suck up the teasing (if any). The discomfort goes away and I'm still sober!

In time you will find that it's not a big deal. In time, it won't bother me at all!


By the way, I get you on the charming young woman thing. Happened to me (ouch...my pride!)

Antone

This was my gut feeling and I believe your read is accurate. All of these responses are on the mark one way or another.

Antone

LOL. I like this response.

Ortho

Hi Antone,

It sucks that you had to experience that. I don't think she was coming from a bad place. A lot of people, especially young people, associate alcohol with fun. It's almost synonymous with fun. So, when someone who is young, drunk, and amusing themselves to no end, it's not an unusual question. In a way she's asking "why aren't you having fun like me??"

I know it can put someone like myself in a tough spot because you feel like you're being asked to explain something that is both a struggle and very personal. However, I think it is very important to keep in mind that she, and many others like her, just don't understand. I would have probably chuckled and said something along the lines of "I've had more than my fill in my life, and I had to quit," and/or "I heard you were going to be here and thought you might need a ride home." Throw that one out there, and suddenly she's a little embarrassed, and you're winning.

I know it's upsetting, but my advice would be to try not and take it personal. She didn't know. Most people don't know, and of the ones that do know a lot of them don't understand. One way to look at it is that you know and understand something that they don't, and because of that you're in a position to help other people and help yourself moreso than they'll ever be.

...and at the end of the day, you're still sober and you probably won't be seeing her any time soon.

peace,
Ortho