brooks1974

I have been 21 days sober and I am having a hard time talking to my spouse about some basic marital tiffs and he will immediatley through my drinking into the tiff even when my drinking has nothing to do with it. How do you stop walking on egg shells and have a disagreement without the alcohol thown in your face? Does anyone have any suggestions? I am also finding it hard to go to my in-laws house because their is a lot of alcohol in the house. I have chosen not to go there and that is another issue that my husband does not understand. Do any of you have a hard time being in a house with alcohol? Any advice would be great!

Thank you,
Michelle Brooks

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I do not keep alcohol in the house, ever, nor do we ever serve alcohol to guests. That's the way it is for me, and it keeps my life simple. I agree with your decision to not spend time at your in-laws (at least for awhile) because there is alcohol there.

Good for you having 21 days sober. Please know that it is very hard for others to understand how difficult it is to deal with addiction. That's why it's good to come here, because we do understand. Maybe you could try talking to your husband, when you are both relaxed and calm, and explain how you feel.

shelly009

How supportive is your husband? Does he still drink? You may need to ask him to try to be a little more supportive. Throwing drinking back in your face and encouraging you to be in an unsafe or uncomfortable environment (such as one with drinking involved) is not very supportive. He will need to understand that you need to do what is best for you in order to stay sober (should be top priority) with or without him.

It took a while for my husband to come around but now he is doing it with me. Its MUCH easier with the two of us talking about how happy we are being sober and what we are looking forward to in the future. Before he decided to do it with me it was always a battle because I wanted to quit and he wanted to keep drinking
(even though he isnt much of a drinker). In the end I told him I would be getting sober with or without him and if he wanted to stay with me, we both had to be healthy. He agreed.. thank god!

Hope you find some common ground with hubby. Let us know how it goes!

IO Storm

Welcome to SR!

And congratulations on 21 days of sobriety, this is fantastic!

I respect your decision to not go where there is alcohol...while you are shaky. I sure

couldn't for awhile in early sobriety. As for the "tiffs"...well, we have to admit we

have done damage where our drinking is concerned...but it sure hurts when the

blame and shame blasts upon us when we are trying so hard in the beginning.

Don't give up. You have found a wonderful support here at SR.

I am glad you became a member.

IO Storm

Wait a minute...blame and shame is never right.

In the beginning...or ever. Relationship problems are (always) a two way street.

Always.

My best to you...and your new start!

brooks1974

Thank you for all the support. My husband is not a drinker but his family along with mine have a history with alcohol. My husband's dad is a alcoholic and is in denial because he states that he is not as bad as me. This I cannot have around me at this time. In my warp brain I have use him as my reason for drinking because I would say to myself if he can do so can I. Now I know that this is not the way I want to be remember by and I do not like living drunk. I am very grateful for all the support I have found here and look forward to talk with everyone. Maybe one day I can help someone from this distructive path.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Michelle

I'm Sorry things are rough sometimes with your husband - recovery is always rough on both spouses I think. Maybe give him time to adjust too, and to see you really are committed to this...

Coming here to SR is a good step
D
D

happyandsober

I know what you are going through, from my experience non alcoholic people in my life just don't get it. I've learned thats ok, and I have to remember to put my recovery ahead of anyone or anything else. I think you are doing the right thing to avoid any situations that may be a trigger to drink again. Today I can be around alcohol without wanting to drink, but I certainly couldn't do that at first.

Wolfchild

Welcome to the community and thank you for staying sober today!

Since you asked for advice;
Understand what you can in these conversations and take responsibility for those things you can change. Accept those things you cannot change at this time and leave it alone for now. This can be a great opportunity for you to let your new way of life become an 'inside job' or it can be a point of contention that could lead to resentments.

Have you given any thought to attending A.A. meetings?

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community Michelle ...
Congratulations on your sober time.

CarolD

happyandsober....
Welcome to SR!