I'm pissed!
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Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.
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If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it everyday for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.
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And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Copyright 1990 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it everyday for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Copyright 1990 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.
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In my opinion, Resentment is anger that is not expressed and builds up over time. I was angry, expressed it and then let it go. That is recovery to me. In the past, I would have gotten angry, not expressed myself and then drank over it.
I was not rude to the woman, I told her how I felt, and did what I needed to do to take care of myself and my recovery. I don't think "accepting" someone disrespecting the rules that was established by quorum is recovery.
We have all different lessons to learn in our recovery.
And I do have a problem with some AA's explaining everything in bumper stickers. Maybe that is a resentment - but I'm not going to drink over it.
I was not rude to the woman, I told her how I felt, and did what I needed to do to take care of myself and my recovery. I don't think "accepting" someone disrespecting the rules that was established by quorum is recovery.
We have all different lessons to learn in our recovery.
And I do have a problem with some AA's explaining everything in bumper stickers. Maybe that is a resentment - but I'm not going to drink over it.
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Originally Posted by Newtosoberlivin 
who is your post directed toward? Myself or the OP? Just curious...
I strive to take these principles and many more & apply them in my life as a way of living.
I can tell you as a result, my life has improved greatly by taking responsibilty & always looking at my part, regardless of how wrong another may in fact be.
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Originally Posted by smynthia
In my opinion, Resentment is anger that is not expressed and builds up over time. I was angry, expressed it and then let it go. That is recovery to me. In the past, I would have gotten angry, not expressed myself and then drank over it.
I was not rude to the woman, I told her how I felt, and did what I needed to do to take care of myself and my recovery. I don't think "accepting" someone disrespecting the rules that was established by quorum is recovery.
We have all different lessons to learn in our recovery.
And I do have a problem with some AA's explaining everything in bumper stickers. Maybe that is a resentment - but I'm not going to drink over it.
I was not rude to the woman, I told her how I felt, and did what I needed to do to take care of myself and my recovery. I don't think "accepting" someone disrespecting the rules that was established by quorum is recovery.
We have all different lessons to learn in our recovery.
And I do have a problem with some AA's explaining everything in bumper stickers. Maybe that is a resentment - but I'm not going to drink over it.
Is it possible you missed the principle for YOUR life & how to grow??
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Posts: 1,876
smynthia...I think you have every right to be ticked off. I once had a situation where an aa member confronted me at a grocery store in front of my 2 children...my daughter was 10 at the time so I can identify with all the feelings you are having. I admire your ability to put this in perspective. Keep moving forward with the grace that you have shown here.
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smynthia
HERE HERE!!!!!
1 day@at a time, I give you kudos, I really do. If AA is what works for you, I'm truly happy for you. But it's not MY way, it really isn't. But resentment is part of life, part of real life, for everybody, not just recovering alcoholics. And I think that smynthia is right on that letting go of resentments is part of recovery in a lot of ways. I too used to drink over unhealed and unexpressed resentment, but I don't anymore. It's my right as a human to feel it when it's warranted and be realistic about it. Some things **** me off, that's part of life, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Any program, AA or otherwise, will NOT make me change my mind about it. Otherwise I will become just who I was when I DID drink, an absolute doormat, inviting anyone who wanted to to just walk all over me with my consent!!! Those days are thankfully over for good. One thing I have learned in sobriety, you can only be taken advantage of IF YOU ALLOW IT.
1 day@at a time, I give you kudos, I really do. If AA is what works for you, I'm truly happy for you. But it's not MY way, it really isn't. But resentment is part of life, part of real life, for everybody, not just recovering alcoholics. And I think that smynthia is right on that letting go of resentments is part of recovery in a lot of ways. I too used to drink over unhealed and unexpressed resentment, but I don't anymore. It's my right as a human to feel it when it's warranted and be realistic about it. Some things **** me off, that's part of life, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Any program, AA or otherwise, will NOT make me change my mind about it. Otherwise I will become just who I was when I DID drink, an absolute doormat, inviting anyone who wanted to to just walk all over me with my consent!!! Those days are thankfully over for good. One thing I have learned in sobriety, you can only be taken advantage of IF YOU ALLOW IT.
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Smynthia,
This is a beautiful example of recovery dynamic of all sorts. Step back and look at it from a distance:
Person breaks the rules putting you in a tough spot (wrongdoing of others, real or imagined).
You get a resentment (justified or not, it has the power to kill an alcoholic).
You come seeking others to justify your resentment. You gather your army of people to agree with you, thereby co-signing your BS. (Wait for it, it gets better). Others jump right in and support your view. They tell you that you are right in feeling that way. And being right has nothing to do with recovery.
Had it stopped here, this would have been a perfect example of how support groups can potentially distract us from recovery. But you didn't get distracted.
Boom! You just inventoried it and saw the truth. The problem is not the other person's. YOUR fear drives YOUR resentment, just like MY fear drives MINE. Beautiful and well done. My hat's off to you.
Try to stay in that mode instead of gathering up support and your recovery will be helped.
This is a beautiful example of recovery dynamic of all sorts. Step back and look at it from a distance:
Person breaks the rules putting you in a tough spot (wrongdoing of others, real or imagined).
You get a resentment (justified or not, it has the power to kill an alcoholic).
You come seeking others to justify your resentment. You gather your army of people to agree with you, thereby co-signing your BS. (Wait for it, it gets better). Others jump right in and support your view. They tell you that you are right in feeling that way. And being right has nothing to do with recovery.
Had it stopped here, this would have been a perfect example of how support groups can potentially distract us from recovery. But you didn't get distracted.
Originally Posted by smynthia
I think that is the emotionally charged issue. The fact that I have to tell my daughter about this. My fear is how and when.
Try to stay in that mode instead of gathering up support and your recovery will be helped.
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I'm really not interested in upsetting or offending anyone, I apologize it I did.
I was posting thoughts which continue to help me daily. A way which has removed the obsession to think & drink in almost most cases for over 2,500 days. It's worked for me. Quite well.......so, sharing it seems natural.
Perhaps when people see quotes from AA, they shut down.
It seems to me, these principles apply in all walks of life and have little to do with AA.
Not being resentful & angry & learning acceptance of life on lifes terms has been a huge area of growth for me.
Since joining here in 2003, I've seen countless people opposed to AA, some because the don't want the label, are in fear of seeing a person they know, or they went to a meeting or two & didn't connect. I knew nothing about AA before my first meeting, but went with an open mind so my life would get better.
I've been to thousands of meetings and there are plenty I don't care for. Candidly, it's been my experience few stay in the core message & remain solution oriented. (I don't need to hear drunk stories)
It's the life lessons, learning to cope w/o alcohol or drugs, growing up emotionally, finding a Higher Power, finding new friends who have no interest in drinking, cleaning house and helping others which continues to attract me.
I was posting thoughts which continue to help me daily. A way which has removed the obsession to think & drink in almost most cases for over 2,500 days. It's worked for me. Quite well.......so, sharing it seems natural.
Perhaps when people see quotes from AA, they shut down.
It seems to me, these principles apply in all walks of life and have little to do with AA.
Not being resentful & angry & learning acceptance of life on lifes terms has been a huge area of growth for me.
Since joining here in 2003, I've seen countless people opposed to AA, some because the don't want the label, are in fear of seeing a person they know, or they went to a meeting or two & didn't connect. I knew nothing about AA before my first meeting, but went with an open mind so my life would get better.
I've been to thousands of meetings and there are plenty I don't care for. Candidly, it's been my experience few stay in the core message & remain solution oriented. (I don't need to hear drunk stories)
It's the life lessons, learning to cope w/o alcohol or drugs, growing up emotionally, finding a Higher Power, finding new friends who have no interest in drinking, cleaning house and helping others which continues to attract me.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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Originally Posted by bugsworth
Keith...If I might inquire...do you have any children?
Smynthia illustrated a way of looking at resentments that many people have found effective in living a recovered life.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
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has anyone else noticed...
it's only men who don't agree with the op??? Even some of them with children? Hmmmm...just an observation. 
But even here that doesn't make any sense, unless you live in Pollyanna's neighborhood. Being all happy go lucky, lalala , is NOT reality, is NOT real life, and a certain program that happens to work for you is NOT life's answer to everything. Sorry to disappoint. As a mother, you're dart tootin' I'd feel exactly the same way as the OP. I guess blindness comes in many forms.
But even here that doesn't make any sense, unless you live in Pollyanna's neighborhood. Being all happy go lucky, lalala , is NOT reality, is NOT real life, and a certain program that happens to work for you is NOT life's answer to everything. Sorry to disappoint. As a mother, you're dart tootin' I'd feel exactly the same way as the OP. I guess blindness comes in many forms.
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Originally Posted by smynthia
In my opinion, Resentment is anger that is not expressed and builds up over time. I was angry, expressed it and then let it go. That is recovery to me. In the past, I would have gotten angry, not expressed myself and then drank over it.
I was not rude to the woman, I told her how I felt, and did what I needed to do to take care of myself and my recovery. I don't think "accepting" someone disrespecting the rules that was established by quorum is recovery.
We have all different lessons to learn in our recovery.
I was not rude to the woman, I told her how I felt, and did what I needed to do to take care of myself and my recovery. I don't think "accepting" someone disrespecting the rules that was established by quorum is recovery.
We have all different lessons to learn in our recovery.
I think you dealing with this just perfectly.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 271
I can't say that I'm resentful on behalf of the OP. I just would never bring a child to a meeting, especially a closed one, because it's a bad idea all around. I mean, an infant is different thing. But 11-year-old's don't miss much, and I just don't think meetings are the place for kids. 
I definitely empathize with Smynthia.
That's not supporting a resentment. It's also not preaching at the OP. Were I in her place, some of those posts would have come across as preachy to me. A little understanding can go a long way.
I definitely empathize with Smynthia.That's not supporting a resentment. It's also not preaching at the OP. Were I in her place, some of those posts would have come across as preachy to me. A little understanding can go a long way.
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[QUOTE=keithj;2279998]Smynthia,
This is a beautiful example of recovery dynamic of all sorts. Step back and look at it from a distance:
Person breaks the rules putting you in a tough spot (wrongdoing of others, real or imagined).
You get a resentment (justified or not, it has the power to kill an alcoholic).
You come seeking others to justify your resentment. You gather your army of people to agree with you, thereby co-signing your BS. (Wait for it, it gets better). Others jump right in and support your view. They tell you that you are right in feeling that way. And being right has nothing to do with recovery.[QUOTE=keithj;2279998]
Neither does being a hypocrite. Has NOTHING to do with recovery either. Why don't you re-read your own words?
And you people who live AA as if you are in a cult are right then? Puleeze....you act, talk and think like robots in my honest opinion. Because you are blind to any way but YOUR way, period. You quote from the Big Book constantly like you don't have a mind of your own (do you? Or is that not allowed per the Big Book?) Yet a fellow "member" comes here to vent over her wrongful treatment at one of your precious can't live without them (cough, cough) MEETINGS and you're so ready to shoot her down and take the side of those messiahs "in the halls." Makes you even worse for being hypocrites. See, maybe your worshipped program isn't so perfect after all, and maybe you aren't as perfect as you think you are, either.
This is a beautiful example of recovery dynamic of all sorts. Step back and look at it from a distance:
Person breaks the rules putting you in a tough spot (wrongdoing of others, real or imagined).
You get a resentment (justified or not, it has the power to kill an alcoholic).
You come seeking others to justify your resentment. You gather your army of people to agree with you, thereby co-signing your BS. (Wait for it, it gets better). Others jump right in and support your view. They tell you that you are right in feeling that way. And being right has nothing to do with recovery.[QUOTE=keithj;2279998]
Neither does being a hypocrite. Has NOTHING to do with recovery either. Why don't you re-read your own words?
And you people who live AA as if you are in a cult are right then? Puleeze....you act, talk and think like robots in my honest opinion. Because you are blind to any way but YOUR way, period. You quote from the Big Book constantly like you don't have a mind of your own (do you? Or is that not allowed per the Big Book?) Yet a fellow "member" comes here to vent over her wrongful treatment at one of your precious can't live without them (cough, cough) MEETINGS and you're so ready to shoot her down and take the side of those messiahs "in the halls." Makes you even worse for being hypocrites. See, maybe your worshipped program isn't so perfect after all, and maybe you aren't as perfect as you think you are, either.
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[QUOTE=Newtosoberlivin;2280132][QUOTE=keithj;2279998]Smynthia,
This is a beautiful example of recovery dynamic of all sorts. Step back and look at it from a distance:
Person breaks the rules putting you in a tough spot (wrongdoing of others, real or imagined).
You get a resentment (justified or not, it has the power to kill an alcoholic).
You come seeking others to justify your resentment. You gather your army of people to agree with you, thereby co-signing your BS. (Wait for it, it gets better). Others jump right in and support your view. They tell you that you are right in feeling that way. And being right has nothing to do with recovery.
Neither does being a hypocrite. Has NOTHING to do with recovery either. Why don't you re-read your own words?
And you people who live AA as if you are in a cult are right then? Puleeze....you act, talk and think like robots in my honest opinion. Because you are blind to any way but YOUR way, period. You quote from the Big Book constantly like you don't have a mind of your own (do you? Or is that not allowed per the Big Book?) Yet a fellow "member" comes here to vent over her wrongful treatment at one of your precious can't live without them (cough, cough) MEETINGS and you're so ready to shoot her down and take the side of those messiahs "in the halls." Makes you even worse for being hypocrites. See, maybe your worshipped program isn't so perfect after all, and maybe you aren't as perfect as you think you are, either. Wow!! Please bear in mind that I am in no way an "AA person". However, over the years I have been to many meetings, in a, mostly failing effort to get and stay clean and sober. Just saying this so you know where I am coming from.
I'm not really sure where all of the anger toward's 1 day is coming from. AA clearly works for him, and from what I can tell, is working for the OP. She was sharing about an incident that happened that she felt was unfair. For the record, I agree, an 11 year old should not be at a "closed" meeting. However, in the rooms and out, things happen in our lives that are unfair and unjust every day. What I got out of 1 day's post was that it seemed like the OP was starting to develop a resentment towards the person who brought their daughter. I think most addicts/alcoholics can agree, AA or not, that anger and resentment has driven us to drink/drug more than once. Therefore the fact that she is "right" is not so important as that she not let this develop into a resentment that could compromise her sobriety.
You seem to have a resentment towards AA. I understand this. I've been there. I've spoken the same words you have. But the place I am in life now, I understand that all the people in AA want is to help you stay sober. The only way they know how to do that is by sharing what has worked for them. AA may not be for you, and that is OK, it's really not for me either, but I have learned, and continue to learn a lot about myself through 12-step recovery. I don't go to meetings regularly, but I do have a copy of the Big Book and Basic Text of NA and find an awful lot I identify with. I also have texts from SMART, Lifering, and various other "recovery related" literature.
I've been on these boards a long time, and to be honest with you, there was a time when 1 day's posts would get under my skin!! (sorry 1 day, it's true!!
) But I've opened my mind a lot more lately and am willing to listen to what others have to say. It may or may not be the "right" solution for me, but I've found I can still learn from people, even if I don't "agree" with them.
It sounds like the OP is dealing with this as best she can. I hope she is able to get past it and move on. Thanks for listening.
This is a beautiful example of recovery dynamic of all sorts. Step back and look at it from a distance:
Person breaks the rules putting you in a tough spot (wrongdoing of others, real or imagined).
You get a resentment (justified or not, it has the power to kill an alcoholic).
You come seeking others to justify your resentment. You gather your army of people to agree with you, thereby co-signing your BS. (Wait for it, it gets better). Others jump right in and support your view. They tell you that you are right in feeling that way. And being right has nothing to do with recovery.
Originally Posted by keithj
Neither does being a hypocrite. Has NOTHING to do with recovery either. Why don't you re-read your own words?
And you people who live AA as if you are in a cult are right then? Puleeze....you act, talk and think like robots in my honest opinion. Because you are blind to any way but YOUR way, period. You quote from the Big Book constantly like you don't have a mind of your own (do you? Or is that not allowed per the Big Book?) Yet a fellow "member" comes here to vent over her wrongful treatment at one of your precious can't live without them (cough, cough) MEETINGS and you're so ready to shoot her down and take the side of those messiahs "in the halls." Makes you even worse for being hypocrites. See, maybe your worshipped program isn't so perfect after all, and maybe you aren't as perfect as you think you are, either.
I'm not really sure where all of the anger toward's 1 day is coming from. AA clearly works for him, and from what I can tell, is working for the OP. She was sharing about an incident that happened that she felt was unfair. For the record, I agree, an 11 year old should not be at a "closed" meeting. However, in the rooms and out, things happen in our lives that are unfair and unjust every day. What I got out of 1 day's post was that it seemed like the OP was starting to develop a resentment towards the person who brought their daughter. I think most addicts/alcoholics can agree, AA or not, that anger and resentment has driven us to drink/drug more than once. Therefore the fact that she is "right" is not so important as that she not let this develop into a resentment that could compromise her sobriety.
You seem to have a resentment towards AA. I understand this. I've been there. I've spoken the same words you have. But the place I am in life now, I understand that all the people in AA want is to help you stay sober. The only way they know how to do that is by sharing what has worked for them. AA may not be for you, and that is OK, it's really not for me either, but I have learned, and continue to learn a lot about myself through 12-step recovery. I don't go to meetings regularly, but I do have a copy of the Big Book and Basic Text of NA and find an awful lot I identify with. I also have texts from SMART, Lifering, and various other "recovery related" literature.
I've been on these boards a long time, and to be honest with you, there was a time when 1 day's posts would get under my skin!! (sorry 1 day, it's true!!
) But I've opened my mind a lot more lately and am willing to listen to what others have to say. It may or may not be the "right" solution for me, but I've found I can still learn from people, even if I don't "agree" with them.It sounds like the OP is dealing with this as best she can. I hope she is able to get past it and move on. Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
What I got out of 1 day's post was that it seemed like the OP was starting to develop a resentment. (Peroid)
I think most addicts/alcoholics can agree, AA or not, that anger and resentment has driven us to drink/drug more than once. Therefore the fact that she is "right" is not so important as that she not let this develop into a resentment that could compromise her sobriety.
Thanks........that was all. really. No attacks, none. I wish nothing but the best to each any everyone of you. Always.
I think most addicts/alcoholics can agree, AA or not, that anger and resentment has driven us to drink/drug more than once. Therefore the fact that she is "right" is not so important as that she not let this develop into a resentment that could compromise her sobriety.
Thanks........that was all. really. No attacks, none. I wish nothing but the best to each any everyone of you. Always.
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