smacked

That's a whole lotta thinking/rationalizing/justifying... and yes, it makes perfect sense to me, I used to think about drinking a lot.. I wanted it a lot. I am a lot happier now without all that brain damage and obsession.

I'm just gonna throw the cards on the table.. to me the denial you *seem* to be dealing with, is incredible. I don't know what more anyone here could say any clearer to you about what you're asking about in your posts. You seem very convinced that this is "normal" behavior, thoughts and actions.

No matter how many people tell you otherwise, you kinda keep responding the same (an example of incredibly dysfunctional/irrational behavior about drinking, followed by a justification of how normal that seems to you).. and it's starting to not make sense to me! I really hope you figure out what's best for you, but until you maybe think hard and deep about what alcohol means to you and how your life revolves around it, no one here is going to convince you to be sober, or get help... and from what you've shared so far, I can almost guarantee that no one in here is going to tell you that you don't seem to have a problem with alcohol. I loved being proved wrong, and I hope that I am.

lauraandersen4

I never thought of it this way guys. All of your words are very much so appreciated mostly because I often drink alone, sometimes leave time so it wears off before my husband is going to be around... brush my teeth before he comes home etc. I live 9 hours from my family and so don't have to even think about that aspect. I don't want to worry my husband, nor do I want to suggest to him how much I drink because to be frank, I'm not much into being the one with emotional baggage. I like being in control.

Question: I had a few drinks 3 nights ago and 2 nights ago as I mentioned in a post. It took my headache away. I didn't drink yesterday and I didn't drink today... but I'm starting to feel the headache coming on again. Again it's not terrible but I was just wondering if anyone knows how long this type of thing has lasted them? I can't imagine it being something else 4 times in a row. Thanks

Anna

I think it takes several days for the physical symptoms to go away.

You should start to feel better before too long.

mistycshore

Gosh, Laura, your post reminded me of something. Both my folks were alcoholic, and I remember one night I made this great dinner, anticipating that would love it and eat and not drink so much. When he was well into tipsy, I was trying to talk my dad into eating. He said, "No thanks. It kills the buzz."

I guess I don't measure what I eat, but even a small amount of alcohol will kill my appetite for anything but more alcohol. Sometimes I have to eat something to settle my stomach, but it's a reluctant concession.

Regarding the headache - it's not important, not worth obsessing on. Take a couple aspirin, drink a big glass of water and think about your next step in recovery.

lauraandersen4

Smacked... I see where you are coming from, and the frustration you have with me. Never in a million years would I have thought that I had a potential problem. I am very, very functional. Dental school is rigorous and I take care of things when I get home and when one of my friends threatened to stop talking to me for a while because she didn't want to deal with my crap (constant criticism of her) when I drank, I decided to explore it more by posting here. I love drinking. I really do...and all I try to accomplish with these posts is hope that I am one of those that can learn to control my drinking rather than having to stop totally. So I'm mentioning all I can to try to see if anyone agrees. Thanks for your posts.

jmart

Hi, I drink because to be frank, I'm not much into being the one with emotional baggage. I like being in control. I drink because??? if u need an excuse to drink that is a sign of a alcoholic. control....is some thing we strive fore when we don't know are self. emotional baggage well lets just say we all have it. just my opinion. I hope to get to know u lauraandersen4.....Jay

lauraandersen4

No no... I don't drink because of the emotional baggage... I don't want to tell my husband how much I drink because I don't want to be one with emotional baggage.

I drink because... oh wait... I almost finished that sentence Thanks Jay.

jmart

I love drinking. I really do...and all I try to accomplish with these posts is hope that I am one of those that can learn to control my drinking rather than having to stop totally. So I'm mentioning all I can to try to see if anyone agrees.

We all loved to drink... A lot.. that is why we spend hours on here trying to figure it out.. to figure out why we do the things we do, OR did the things we did.. take care Jay

shelly009

True true... we all LOVE to drink. I wonder if people who dont have a drinking problem truly LOVE to drink.

I actually did a paper on this topic in university. I tried to argue that people who dont drink alot do not drink alot not because they are in control of thier drinking but rather, because they do not really like to drink and do not get a positive or good feeling from drinking. Its only people who really like to drink that do so, and often to excess. It was based on a random study and some careful observation.

You'll figure it out Laura, all in due time

kj3880

Maybe so shelly, maybe so. I never did really enjoy drinking or being drunk, so I never drank much at all. In fact it is only since i got clean off of pain pills that I ever had alcohol cravings. I wonder why? My sponsor said it is because the disease of addiction will create new pathways to get you high once you deprive it of your drug of choice. She told me lots of former opiate addicts become alcoholics when they clean off opiates. So I don't drink at all in recovery.

And Laura? People who arent' addicts or alcoholics don't ever think about this stuff. Only us. Sorry.

Love,
KJ

Taking5

That says it all. This is a recovery website. Your post is akin to going to a vegan website and asking for a good recipe for veal parmigiana.

If you want to control your drinking, good luck. Lots of people can do this, I am not one of them. I will reiterate however that normal drinkers do not:

* change the size or timing of their meals to get a better buzz
* brush their teeth to hide alcohol odor - they do it for hygiene
* think a lot about drinking/not drinking
* use alcohol to medicate a headache - they just take 2 aspirin or aleve
* consider telling their spouse how much they drink "emotional baggage"
* post on websites like this one to bounce all these ideas off of others

Keep posting, we are here for you.

lauraandersen4

Wow, you guys don't hesitate to lay it out.

One good thing is that this is going on my 3rd day, and the past 2 nights... without the alcohol, I have actually gone to bed with my husband at the same time... rather than 3 hours later. Takes longer to fall asleep and I feel kind of hyper for the first 45 mins or so, but I'm willing to wager from experience but mostly from people that were kind enough to post in here and start helping me see more clearer, that there were a lot of things that I prioritized less than taking those drinks... a lot of important things like getting more than 3-4 hrs of sleep/night, quality conversations with my husband, calling my old friends just to say hi etc.

Many of these things I had never even thought of before this forum.

jmart

helping me see more clearer, that there were a lot of things that I prioritized less than taking those drinks... Thank you..... U have a friend in me. keep on keeping on .. Jay

123bubblegum123

Yup, my friends and I used to dramatically lowering our caloric intake on "party" days, plus by 2am we'd usually be ordering pizza anyway so we figured why not hold out and get ridiculously messed up and enjoy the food more? But when I used alone I'd always mix pills with alcohol, so it didn't matter if I ate anything or not, I was for sure getting messed up.

And as for you questioning whether you're an alcoholic, no "normal" person without a drug problem has to question that..

Rach

lauraandersen4

Thank you Jay and Rach for your posts. Both of you are right I'm starting to realize. I figured if anything, I would be on the low end of the spectrum in which case I would have figured no big deal... but I seem to be in the middle somewhere which is worse than I thought. Didn't know until I tried to stop. The first day, I wanted wine but could do without it with a little effort. The 2nd night, it was a little worse but still doable. Today, I have to be honest... I thought about it at school, I thought about it when I got home... I contemplated just finishing that half of a bottle of wine in the fridge and opted for tons of water instead to try to make myself so un-thirsty that I couldn't take the thought of another sip of anything. This is crazy! But I do appreciate the support. Is that behavior about par for the course?

jmart

Hi,lauraandersen4.... for me it was par for the course. the crazy thinking you are doing is an alcoholic mind. Just my opinion but i did not get hear for nothing..

Taking5

Laura,

Throw out that half bottle of wine, if you don't it will bite you in the ass I promise.

Are you doing anything else for recover besides gritting your teeth and clenching your fists? In AA we call this "white knuckling". The reason I ask is that you are thinking about drinking too much IMO. A good recovery program will take that obsession away. This is not to say you'll never think about drinking, but it won't be an all day thing.

lauraandersen4

Sorry about a recovery program. I'm so paranoid about someone noticing me esp one of my patients or one of my instructors or friends or people I have met in the community. etc

White knuckling? Are you for real? Is the gritting your teeth thing just an expression? I mean I have been noticing the past few days (without feeling anxiety, but I'm not an anxious person by nature) that I have been clenching the crap out of my teeth. My muscles actually hurt.

In addition (just assuming it is from lack of alcohol), my headache was gone by last night but then started this tingling feeling in my fingers and hands. Not sure what that is about. I don't see it on the typical withdrawal list if it is from alcohol but maybe I haven't looked hard enough. It is the only thing that has changed lately though and my hands are crazy important to what I do. Not looking for advice on it... just want to know... has this happened to anyone with the mild pins and needles? Could it be the lack of alcohol?

Tazman53

Would you rather they see you drunk? The folks you would see in a meeting are there for the exact same reason you are!

I am not sure exactly where you are at in the DC area, but I can tell you for a fact that when I was attending AA meeting at Shepard Pratt up in Baltimore the majority of the folks attending were doctors, nurses, and support staff at Sherpard Pratt, all of them are highly respected in their profession, probably because they are SOBER!!!!

I went through Detox at CATS which is a part of the Fairfax Inova system, it to was chock full of health care professionals, once again all of them highy respected and SOBER!!!

Do you think any of these folks go around spreading who they see at meetings? Of course not, because doing that would lead folks to ask them why they were there.

But you know in reality I would bet you money that they would freely share that they were in AA or NA with someone seeking a way to get clean and sober.

Beleive it or not, but a sure sign of good healthy recovery from alcoholism or drug addiction is a total lack of shame in being a recovering alcoholic or addict. Trust me if I had read that statement in early recovery or while I was still active I would have said BS!!!

I do not advertise that I am a recovering alcoholic, but it is not a secret I keep either, there is a time and a place that I do and will discuss my recovery, especially if it is to help some one still suffering.

lauraandersen4

Thanks Taz. I don't know what my hang up is... My guess is that it is just this ridiculous feeling that I should be more in control of my own life and fear of being judged by others... even if they are in the same boat. Maybe something I have to get over.