Maybe my last post.... a little discouraged
 

Hi... it's me (the real Laura)

Well, I am a little discouraged on here. I don't feel people have related to my story. I'm not a rock bottom alcoholic. I was never arrested for DUI. I did not end up in the hospital with a high blood alcohol level. I have not gone to rehab. I have no withdrawal symptoms when I stop drinking. I still know the joy of sobriety ... I have a job, kids and a life and I live it seemingly normally.

My divorce kicked my wine drinking to a new level. I used to share a bottle of wine with my husband. Not every night, but some nights. Suddenly, there is no one there to share with... so what do I do? Drink the whole bottle... which does NOT agree with me. After repeating this behavior again and again, I realized I had a problem.

I also had a lost love following my divorce, a guy in Europe, who broke my heart. It took me a year and a half to get over him, now he's suddenly flirting with me online again. Life is very strange. I finally got over him....now... what do I do.

Anyways, I'm a little sensitive and have felt like people have not liked my posts, have not found my posts helpful, have said I was too upbeat, etc. I am a high on life person most of the time. That was coming through in my posts. But I have felt like I had nothing of value to contribute to anyone here, which is discouraging. Every story is "worse" than mine, so what is there to discuss?

I am seeking individual counseling for myself, that is what I need, and I wish you all the best ... Bon Vent.

Laura

I am sorry you feel that way. I thought I read lots of people (including myself) who were relating to your post. I hope you find what you are looking for, be well.

I'm sorry if you felt any of my responses were too harsh, Laura.

If you do leave, I hope you realise the door is always open for a return.
I'd consider it some more actually - my alcoholism always tried to isolate me, to tell me I was different, to set me apart from others who could help me.

My story is pretty much the same as yours - in the beginning anyway - I just drank for longer.

I hope you decide to stay.
D

To be fair, most of the responses were supportive. Especially yours, Dee74.

But I felt a little lost being only 1/2 there in the process of alcoholism. A few people were harsh.

Thanks.

Hi real Laura... I'm the fake Laura :) I'm not so sure you are alone in this. I feel much the same as you. If this is a problem for you, it is a problem that is having an effect on your life, and that is enough. I am here if you want to talk about this... just PM me or post in here. Most on here seem to me to be VERY supportive though... are you giving them a fair chance? I see a lot of people in here from reading posts that haven't "hit rock bottom"... I don't see why you should have to. It is good to be self aware enough to notice a problem before it gets that far. Good luck to you.

I also have not come across many problems re: alcohol. I have shot my mouth off a time or two... or many times... at inappropriate times, I have overindulged in front of my inlaws, parents, friends but never did anything malicious. I have never had a DUI and only drove in such a state when I was much younger, never spent my life savings on alcohol, a day in jail, drank the entire day through, drank to rid myself of a hangover and I have never had a relationship end because of alcohol.

Before I married my husband, he did threaten to leave me because when I drank wine which was only about 2 times/week, I got slap happy... but I stopped slapping (it wasn't nasty anyway, I just got too giddy and started joking around). I have in no way come close to "hitting rock bottom" in other words.

If you want to contact me, feel free.

This is a big board Laura. Not every response is gonna be to your or my liking.

But I've found, give or take a few clunkers, they all come from a place of support - even the posts I don't like usually have something in them for me - even if its just a decision to fundamentally disagree, and to ignore that poster in future LOL.

This is a place for everyone - really.

I wish I'd found this place when I was '1/2 way in' - I might have changed a lot of things before it was too late.

D

Hi, I'm crying because I'm conflicted... but laughing about the real Laura and the fake Laura. Too funny. We should be in touch, fake Laura. I think we can relate on a lot of this. I hope I can stay on here. I think you guys are great. I'm just ultra-sensitive about everything.... thx.

Hi Laura,

We haven't 'met' here yet but I've read some of your posts and think you have a lot to offer here! I was a bit like you too when I first got here.No DUI',s no jail, no horror stories (yet) and I read posts here and think I wasn't sure exactly where I fit in.

The thing is-none of us here have felt like we 'fit' anywhere for the most part.It's a very common trait in alcoholism.We tend to look for differences between ourselves and others, when in fact there are often many similarites.

We're a funny bunch-some of us are quiet, some outspoken, some humourous, some blunt and cynical, and some like you, very upbeat.That's what makes SR a great place in my opinion.We all have something different to offer.

One of the things that really hit home with me when I was floundering here as a newbie, was when an old timer said to me 'I need you here Jules.Every new person here reminds me of where I was and you actually help me stay focused on my need to stay sober.'

I was so touched by that.I didn't think my being here made a scrap of difference to anyone.What the heck did I know?I was just starting this journey!But someone reminded me that we all have something to give here-just by being who we are.

So-this is my very long winded way(LOL) of saying to you-I need you here too.We all need you here.Just be who you are and also know that while some may not appreciate you being upbeat?There are plenty of others here who will and do! I'm glad you're here and I hope you reconsider staying.

Kind thoughts to you,

Jules :)

Jules62 ... this is exactly what I needed to hear. There are people who understand and even need an upbeat voice. Thank you, thank you....

You're so welcome! Just keep being you.We all benefit :)

NO nooo, dont go. I am upbeat too. I am soo ecstatic that I have found sobriety, why cant I be upbeat about it?

I too have not had a DUI, not been arrested etc etc. But I knew that my late night solo drinking parties meant that I had a drinking problem. Just because I chose to do my drinking in private (not always but alot) and my stories are not alike the rest doesnt mean I dont fit in here. I have noticed that there are all kinds of different stories and yours and mine fit somewhere there in the middle.

I have been on message boards before so I used to the fact that not everyone agrees on things and sometimes people are downright rude. But there are also some amazing people here who you will really enjoy. Gotta take the good with the bad. We are all different so not everyone is always going to agree... and thats ok too.

Stick around. I hope you do :)

I am an overachiever... in life at all times, the fact that my story did not have the big impact that I would have wanted.. it's okay. I want friends at this point and thank those of you who are. Merci beaucoup!

Cheers.
Laura

Hmmm...
A point I want to make about drinking botttoms....

A bottom is simply when you know you need to quit drinking.


:) ..that may or may not have a thing to do
with obvious external conditions/events/situations.

If you know you need to stop drinking...
.try everything until you find your way

SR is full of information and caring people..:yup:
Many of us have been exactly where you are Laura.
And we are winning over alcohol.

Being too self-critical is a common problem we often have. That, too will go away with time......Keep posting!

I hope you stick around, there is no need to wait until things get really bad before trying to do something about your problems. :)

Try not to be too sensitive about the odd post that isn't very nice, I know it is hard, I am pretty sensitive too.

Hi Laura! I'm one of the quieter ones on here, & don't spend as much time as I should getting to know everyone, so our paths haven't crossed yet. After reading this thread you started, I vow to pay more attention to what's going on. I admit that the more dramatic posts, where someone sounds desperate, tend to get my attention most often. I need to correct that. So see, you've helped me by sharing your disappointment in some of our reactions - thank you for your honesty.

Some of us who have had a rougher battle tend to be a little more cynical & sarcastic - maybe there's a little jealousy thrown in there, too. Some feel the need to administer tough love. I cringe at some of those posts, knowing how fragile some people are and how the harsh or critical words may make them retreat back into isolation.

SR would be a sad place to visit if no one was ever upbeat - if only down and outers posted. It would be dull if everything was all smilies and rainbows, too. It's the combination of different types that makes our place special - there's something for everyone to be found here if we seek it. I'm the worst one for dashing into Newcomers and not even checking out any other forums. I need to correct that too. You've got me thinking, Laura. I appreciate you and hope you will stay and enlighten us further. Love and peace to you.

i think reading through everyones posts the problem a lot of people have is that when you stop drinking with friends they stop being friends .. they feel bad for drinking in front of you ,you feel bad as you want to drink but know you must not .... bingo no friends

i know of no norms to talk about fluffy bunnies or politics with

i know i'm probably getting on a few peoples nerves here just posting away to any one but in my defence i joined and waited three weeks for people to post to me and they never really

so if i'm gona make this forum work for me i'm just gona have to hunt them none drinking norm buddies down maybe you will have to do just the same:c014:

any way in my defence i cant leave the house i have swine flu ..:headbange

so i'll even talk to the double glazing cold caller on the phone at the moment :c033:

I'm fairly new here and I've loved reading your posts. That's what I like about this site - the diversity of opinions and attitudes towards sobriety. I was trying out another site, but it seemed like there wasn't much recovery there.

Thank you so much for writing such an honest post. You see, you have helped others - look at everybody who responded. You do belong here. These boards are filled with people - all struggling with the same disease. What they say or respond with may not be perfect, but it all comes from a place of wanted to help. Take what you need and leave the rest. Good luck. I hope you stay. I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

The real Cynthia

I hope you stick around. It takes all kinds to make a world, and SR is a small world of people seeking to live clean and sober. It doesn't matter if you hit a 'bottom' or not, as Carol said, a bottom is when you know you need to stop drinking.

Stick around and share. We're here to help each other.:ghug

Baldjim sums it up quite well, hopeful, you can get out of SR whatever you want or you can get nothing, its all kind of up to you if that makes sense.

I've some good friends on here ( I think ! ) and no doubt some folks will think I'm a proper pain.

Some people will agree with me, some won't.

Important thing is to do whats right for you and you alone.

SR will still be here if you decide to return.

All the best

Hi,

I definitely have appreciated your posts and your presence on the boards. Newcomers always inspire me to stay focused on my journey of recovery. I hope you understand that we are all here to support each other and to help ourselves, and if some of the words have upset you, try to look past those words and hang on to what you love about us.

I am not familiar with your previous posts, but I know for sure this forum is all about support.

I don't post here as much as I used to but this site was part of my recovery - I have close to six years sobriety.

I loved smynthia's post above; very insightful! The diversity of opinions does make us stronger because it indicates a mindset that we are open and willing to listen.

I am actually surprised at the level of civility that is maintained here. It just illustrates that even though we are going through a tough time, there are people here who have "been there" and know what its like to wake up hung over and just can't quit drinking. We also have people here that know how beautiful life can be without alcohol! The decisions we make (guy from Europe) surprisingly become much clearer and easier when we attain sobriety.

For me, sometimes alcoholics need to be challenged in a supportive way! We are way too smart and are masters at rationalizing our drinking and seeking out enabling conditions.

I guess what I am trying to say (in a long-winded way) Laura is decide what is best for you and I can tell you from first hand experience that this is a very supportive and loving place.

Dave

Wow, I am overwhelmed with everyone's support. I can't thank you enough.

That is sooooo helpful to look at the "bottom" in that way. I have hit it, that's for sure, even though nothing *really* bad has happened in my life, and very few people even know I have a drinking problem (I told a couple of really close friends). I will stick around on SR. I would be foolish not to with so many great people.

I noticed that even when I drank in moderation this past week, there was something a little wrong about it.... I wanted more, but stopped because I was with others. It wasn't that I was in total control of my drinking, but I was pretending I was. So that's the honest truth.

I am staring a journal today, have an alcohol counseling appointment lined up, may even call a woman I met at an AA meeting who gave me her phone number, and will be reading threads on here.

Thank you so much, everyone, for your concern and interest in me.

Laura

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, except for the kid thing.

I’m sensitive, too.

EVERYONE has something to contribute here. I haven't been close to half the hell others have experienced, but I am going through my hell. It is very real and is significantly affecting my life.

Your struggles and experiences do matter...for people here and, more importantly, for you.

I had this conversation before with my therapist…about how I really haven’t had a bad life. She kindly explained to me that, for example, say a three year old kid has a stuffed bear that he/she loves. Someone comes by and takes that toy away from the kid. That stuffed bear is that child’s world. It matters greatly to that kid...and to have it taken away is devastating.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that everyone’s experience is relative and important. Do not discount your experiences. Everyone who stumbles onto this site is in dire need of help.



I’m in therapy, too. It is very important to my recovery, and I’m glad to read that you are getting help. I do hope you consider staying at SR. You are always welcome here. :hug:

By helping each other we help ourselves. Keep posting, a newcomer may really need to hear your words.

Hey Laura, I just caught this thread. I don't think I've read/responded to any of your others threads, but I'm busier than a 3-legged cat on exlax these days! :lmao

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I too was one of those who never had a DUI, never ended up in the hospital due to a high BAC, didn't go through withdrawals, etc etc.

When I first got sober, I was also extremely thin-skinned, or sensitive, if you wish.

I don't know what has been said in your other threads, but I do want to encourage you to stick with recovery, and please keep posting here, okay?

:ghug :ghug

Be well!