effortjoy

Today I began to realize how many parts of my life aren't working for me. All these years of drinking I thought that alcohol was my only problem and the rest of my life was perfect. Turns out the alcohol was only covering up my resentment/frustration/anxiety. There are so many aspects to my life that need to be changed (i don't know where to begin) but I realized that I have been revolving my whole life around my husband and I am angry at myself. Not at him, because he never demanded that- I think that drinking allowed me to put my own ambitions aside. Drinking was the only thing in my life that I did just for me and maybe that is also why it is so hard to give up. Now I need to figure out how to re-build, but I am overwhelmed by how challenging it is to create a life for myself that allows space just for me (without my husband and children always being the focus of my energy) in a healthy way. These feelings are so uncomfortable I want to drink again-maybe just a few drinks to take the edge off...but I don't want to begin again...How do you get through this stage of quitting?

least

You get thru it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. It would be most helpful for you if you had some face to face support - counseling might be good, or AA meetings for meeting people who have been in your position and can offer help and advice and support.

I go to my home group AA mtg sometimes, tho not as regularly as I used to do. I also meet with my alcohol counselor once a week for an hour - it's helped me more than I can express.

You can also come here any time of the day or night. We'll do whatever we can to help you thru these hard times. Please remember, no matter how bad your situation seems, there's nothing so bad that drinking can't make it worse.

:ghug3

Congrats on ten days sober! That's a great start to a better life.

KenL

My only advice is this...do not let yourself get caught up in your thoughts too much. That can lead to disaster. Take your time to let these thoughts come, and, more importantly, let them go. Do not let those thoughts be entertained for long. Before you know it, you sit those thougths down and start serving them drinks.

Take your time. Just don't drink.

Chamabama

Have you considered seeing a therapist to supplement your recovery program? Therapists can really help as a sounding board on how to set healthy boundaries and find balance in your life so you can start to re-build in a healthy way.

Congrats on day 10! I know it is hard when the veil starts to lift! But it's also an exciting time filled with new possibiities!

Anna

Hi,

I think that alcohol is almost always a symptom.

The underlying problems were there and are still there when we stop drinking. A big part of recovery is learning how to deal with life's problems and ups and downs.

I felt much like you do. I had lost myself in my marriage and mother roles, completely and totally. I thought I was supposed to give everything I had. Sadly, I didn't know there would be nothing left of me. It took me quite awhile to recognize that I had codependency issues to deal with. I had to begin to set boundaries for myself.

Hang in there and know that you can do this!

Tazman53

For me the answers I found in the steps, taking them with my sponsor, as I was working on my inventory in step 4 I began to find freedom from resentments, anger, hatred & fear, I was able on my own with direction from my sponsor to see my own parts in so much of it all and also where I was not at fault, I found out the good and the bad within, the areas I needed to work on.

In Step 5 I truly began to find freedom and forgiveness of myself as well as others. I no longer had secrets that I held on to that ate me alive for so many years, I was on a new path in my life, a path of progression to a better me, I began to become a part of the world rather then feeling like an out side observer.

For many years alcohol was my answer and solution to life, without alcohol I had no answers until I took the steps and began to apply them to all areas of my life on a daily basis. Thanks to the steps I have a new freedom and a new life I never dreamed possible free of the bandage of my alcoholism and of myself which has allowed me to be of maximum service to those around me.

Just not drinking for an alcoholic like me was not a viable solution, I tried that for at least 500 times and without a solutiopn I always went back to the old solution I had in life...... drinking.

Thanks to the steps I do have a solution that allows me to live life on lifes terms free of even the desire for a drink.

shelly009

Oh wow, you are exactly where I was at about 4 mos ago before I began therapy. I decided that my life wasnt working the way it was going on, too many weekend BBQs, not enough time too myslef, young children with many needs... = TOO MUCH! Of course, it never entered into my mind (well of course it did... but I wouldnt admit it yet) that I was an alcoholic.

SO I began therapy and it was hard. Therapy, real therapy, is alot of work but OHHHH so worth it. I am am usually the one of the other side of the chair couselling people (not for a living... mostly friends and family) so it was really nice to be on the recieving end for a change. My therapist encouraged me to make some goals for myself at our first session and she would remind me of them every so often to see how far I had come.

My goals were: 1. To live a healthier lifestyle and happier existance. 2. To get rid of past emotional turmiol and forgive resentments

We worked on my past (tumultuous upbringing) and then worked on the problems I had with my marriage and in the end the last thing I had to do is to figure out how I would get and stay healthy.

After 4 months of therapy I was able to admit to myself that I had been drinking my problems away. Living my husbands life (of parties and friends etc) a life I really never wanted. I was unahppy with myself with my inability to control my drinking (for years) which lead me to resent my husband etc. so then I would drink to numb my self hatred and resentment towards him. Rinse Repeat.

See, I think you are where I was but have quit drinking first... it took me a bit longer to realise. There is nothing worse than people telling you that you would benefit from therapy but really, its a wonderful thing. I feel sooooooo much better after going. You see the right therapist will help you to realise that your feelings are valid and assist you in making sense of it all. I always thought I was good at doing this for myself but since I have been to therapy... well, I wish I would have done it years ago.

Sorry for the long book. I just see soo many similarities here. PM me anytime if you want to talk!

shelly009

Oh one more thing. What helped me was deciding on some goals. Think of all the things you would like to accomplish, or dreams youve had or places you want to visit, people you want to see / help etc etc... and then work on those goals. Momentum in a new direction is a good thing!

Gypsy Feet

I find the codependency thread here, and the codependency books I have read extremely helpful and insightful.

1_day@_a_time

THIS IS HUGE FOR YOU TO SEE THIS!!!!

As stated before, there is more to quitting drinking than quitting drinking.

THERE IS A SOLUTION!

I must change everything & build a new life.

1_day@_a_time

Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.

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If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it everyday for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.


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And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

Copyright 1990 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.