Brand spankin new
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 18
Brand spankin new
Hello!
Looked around here all day with my usual hangover and guilt of knowing that I am an alcoholic.
I got around to admitting this a few weeks ago to my [alcoholic] husband with promises of going a week without the booze, only to fail. Also, I confessed this on another forum that I frequent and have some real life friends at. It was the hardest thing ever.
I know this will be so hard, seeing as my husband is not committing himself to quitting either, because in his mind, his drinking is not too serious and sees no need to quit. True, it's nowhere near my problem, so he can justify himself like that.
I am not really keen on AA, the philosophy just seems not to ring true with me.
The reason I am here, is just to get the encouragement daily that I need to keep off the booze. But... between the time of my husband leaving work and bedtime... thats when the cravings are so bad.
Today is going to be my first day. Already considering just one last one. Just one wont hurt.
/fooling myself.
I hope to find some encouragment, strength and maybe give a few laughs.
Fingers crossed!
Looked around here all day with my usual hangover and guilt of knowing that I am an alcoholic.
I got around to admitting this a few weeks ago to my [alcoholic] husband with promises of going a week without the booze, only to fail. Also, I confessed this on another forum that I frequent and have some real life friends at. It was the hardest thing ever.
I know this will be so hard, seeing as my husband is not committing himself to quitting either, because in his mind, his drinking is not too serious and sees no need to quit. True, it's nowhere near my problem, so he can justify himself like that.
I am not really keen on AA, the philosophy just seems not to ring true with me.
The reason I am here, is just to get the encouragement daily that I need to keep off the booze. But... between the time of my husband leaving work and bedtime... thats when the cravings are so bad.
Today is going to be my first day. Already considering just one last one. Just one wont hurt.
/fooling myself.
I hope to find some encouragment, strength and maybe give a few laughs.
Fingers crossed!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 95
Welcome ShwiftyFive! I know how hard it is to admit and seek help as I am rather new myself. You certainly will find encouragement and support here.
I know that line of thinking well. In my experience its that first one that hurts the most!
Today is going to be my first day. Already considering just one last one. Just one wont hurt.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to SR! Lots of advice and useful info here. Read read read and post your questions. Only YOU can decide if quitting drinking would be good for you/your family life. If you think it may be a problem... it may be a problem. "Normal" drinkers don't come to a recovery site asking questions...
I wish you the best in deciding what to do with the rest of your life.
I wish you the best in deciding what to do with the rest of your life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 257
Welcome Shwifty!
During the time when the cravings normally come, have a list of things to do so you will be busy....cleaning, laundry, do your nails, clean a closet, read, etc. Make a list of things to get done. You will amaze yourself at how quickly things get done when you are not drinking!
Then come here and post telling us about your day!
During the time when the cravings normally come, have a list of things to do so you will be busy....cleaning, laundry, do your nails, clean a closet, read, etc. Make a list of things to get done. You will amaze yourself at how quickly things get done when you are not drinking!
Then come here and post telling us about your day!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
I have a husband who drinks too and although my problem is a little worse, hes likes his booze too. I tried MANY times to quit with him still drinking and tried to slow down etc... but it took this time for us both to agree to do it together. Now I feel like I can really do it with his support. And besides, its good for both of us. If your hubby doesnt have as much of a problem, maybe he could be a good source of support?
Stick around.. and dont bother with the last drink... it just sets you back that much further. Great to meet you!
Shelly
Stick around.. and dont bother with the last drink... it just sets you back that much further. Great to meet you!
Shelly
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
Oh and.. one more thing. If your husband really doesnt have a problem and its really just you that does... why is it so hard for him to quit even if its just to support you. Anyone who doesnt have a problem should have no problem quitting with you.
Thats what I think about my own husband when he says he doesnt have a problem. It just didnt work when I tried to do it on my own. There is nothing wrong with asking him for his support in this, it could even bring you alot closer.
Thats what I think about my own husband when he says he doesnt have a problem. It just didnt work when I tried to do it on my own. There is nothing wrong with asking him for his support in this, it could even bring you alot closer.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 437
Hi and welcome,
I could have written what you wrote. My husband is a problem drinker. I joined him in drinking. I excelerated way past him. I stopped and he didn't. He can not see he has a problem because I surpassed him. Long story short you have to quit for yourself and it doesn't matter what anyone else does. You will get a ton of support here. I am almost at 1 year and he still gets smashed 3 or 4 times a week. That is his problem and as long as he doesn't make it mine we might still make it. I have been married 31 years. It will get easier and you can do it without him. Good luck
I could have written what you wrote. My husband is a problem drinker. I joined him in drinking. I excelerated way past him. I stopped and he didn't. He can not see he has a problem because I surpassed him. Long story short you have to quit for yourself and it doesn't matter what anyone else does. You will get a ton of support here. I am almost at 1 year and he still gets smashed 3 or 4 times a week. That is his problem and as long as he doesn't make it mine we might still make it. I have been married 31 years. It will get easier and you can do it without him. Good luck
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome to SR and glad you decided to post. SR has really helped me stay sober and it can work but you have to know that a craving is just that and it will pass. Congratulations on your decision to be sober. Its such a better way of life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 18
Thanks!
One day sober, but that seems like it will be the easy bit, seeing as I felt like poo yesterday and realising quitting is important. That kept me going. When hubby got home, I hugged him tight. He avoids talking about it really, and when I asked him if he likes me better not drunk, he said "You are wonderful nomatter what."
Nice words, but honestly not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear him say that I am better and that he likes me when I am not drunk.
*sigh*
It's going to happen for me.
Thanks everyone! Glad to get so much support at the beginning of my journey!
Nice words, but honestly not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear him say that I am better and that he likes me when I am not drunk.
*sigh*
It's going to happen for me.
Thanks everyone! Glad to get so much support at the beginning of my journey!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome ShwiftyFive to SR. I have found the biggest key to sobriety is honesty, it took me getting brutally honest with myself and nicely honest to others, it sounds like you are there right now, keep hold of that and do not let go of it, STAY HONEST!
Another key I have found is to just stay in the day, do not live in the past or in the future. No matter what do not drink today.
Stay WILLING, be willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober, if SR alone is not enough then try different programs, there are quite a few besides AA. If you try SMART & it does not work for you then be willing to try WFS, if that does not work then try another program.
Being OPEN MINDED was another key to me staying sober, I was like you, AA was the last damn thing I would ever try, even though I knew millions of people use it to stay sober and the only meeting I ever went to I was drunk as a skunk there was no way I was going there even if the people welcomed my drunk butt and were very nice!
Well 5 years after that first drunken meeting I found myself in a medical detox going to an AA meeting, funny thing how much better AA seemed in comparison to the HELL I had been through for the last 5 years when I did not draw a single sober breath. That was almost 3 years ago, I am sober today and happier then I have been in over 30 years thanks to AA.
I encourage you to hang tight here with SR, check out different recovery programs, keep an open mind with all of them, hopefully you will find one that works for you, if you don't give AA a try, what will you have to lose at that point?
The last house on the block..... AA was the one that worked for me, but there are other programs out there that work for other people, so just keep trying, do not let your self die due to pride. I would probably be dead today if I had not swallowed my pride and gone to AA, the one thing I swore I would never do.
Another key I have found is to just stay in the day, do not live in the past or in the future. No matter what do not drink today.
Stay WILLING, be willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober, if SR alone is not enough then try different programs, there are quite a few besides AA. If you try SMART & it does not work for you then be willing to try WFS, if that does not work then try another program.
Being OPEN MINDED was another key to me staying sober, I was like you, AA was the last damn thing I would ever try, even though I knew millions of people use it to stay sober and the only meeting I ever went to I was drunk as a skunk there was no way I was going there even if the people welcomed my drunk butt and were very nice!
Well 5 years after that first drunken meeting I found myself in a medical detox going to an AA meeting, funny thing how much better AA seemed in comparison to the HELL I had been through for the last 5 years when I did not draw a single sober breath. That was almost 3 years ago, I am sober today and happier then I have been in over 30 years thanks to AA.
I encourage you to hang tight here with SR, check out different recovery programs, keep an open mind with all of them, hopefully you will find one that works for you, if you don't give AA a try, what will you have to lose at that point?
The last house on the block..... AA was the one that worked for me, but there are other programs out there that work for other people, so just keep trying, do not let your self die due to pride. I would probably be dead today if I had not swallowed my pride and gone to AA, the one thing I swore I would never do.
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