shelly009

My best friend is getting married and I am the maid of honor so I am responsible for the stag, shower etc. Thing is, I am a notorious party girl and everyone is counting on a good time. I was just talking to the other bridesmade telling her that I had quit drinking so I would be the DD driver on the stag and she said "Ya right, you will be drinking again by then" as if this was just some fun little experiment I am trying.

I guess they dont really know the extent of my problem... this said, should I tell them the extent (drinking alone, 4 times a week, 10-12 beers) They only thought I was a weekend warrior. I feel its private but I dont want my friends to encourage me to drink.

Lukily I have another friend who is in AA who will be there as well. But she was a "CRAZY DRUNK" so they refer to her, so they can see why SHE quit drinking.

Some of us closet drinkers are just as bad (if not worse) than the crazy drunks... maybe I should explain it that way.

Thentram

I often worry about social situations as my friends also don't know the extent of my drinking. It can be tricky to refuse without letting them in on my secret background. A thought that always comforts me though is: nobody else can make me drink if I truely don't want to. Refusing to drink may lead to some social awkwardness, but in my experience that's a lot easier to deal with than the alternative.

flutter

I bet really committing to being the DD will help keep your motivation intact!

That would be a hard situation, and if you absolutely can't get out of it,a bit of 'white knuckling' and just pressing through might have to happen. It is always in your control.. you have the choice.. and you can find the strength! It's one night.. like someone once said to me here, no one has EVER regretted NOT drinking. Plus, maybe seeing everyone else drunk off their ass will be a deterrent and remind you of why you don't want to be that person anymore.

Mark75

Don't tell 'em anything you don't feel right about. You could say...

"Maybe you didn't think I had a problem with alcohol, but I did." End of discussion.

If you have fake it, or not, have fun. Make sure they see that. It's about the bride, not you... I know you know that, but keep that first in your mind and I bet it will be a lot easier than you think.

Mark

Anna

Hi Shelley,

When I finally quit drinking, I told no one. I had broken my promise many times and decided that I would just do it. For me, that felt right, it was a highly personal decision. I don't feel that I owe an explanation to people as to why I drink or not.

I hope you enjoy your parties!

hendershot

I don't envy your posistion there. You don't need to tell them the extent of your problem or that you are in AA unless you are comfortable doing so. Having a sober friend there is a huge plus, I would try to stick with her. It would be a good idea to drive yourself so that you have an escape route in case things get uncomfortable. You may even want to have a ready made excuse for why you would have to leave in the event that you need too. It would be good to call your sponsor or someone in the program before you go, take a break during and call them again, and call them after you are done.

coffeenut

I quit drinking without telling anyone except my husband (my drinking buddy, btw). I just didn't drink. Some people questioned me, most didn't.

I also realized that most people wanted me to drink...so they wouldn't look so bad.

There are very few more distasteful than watching a drunk in a social situation. It used to be me. It never will be again.

I also agree committing to being the DD will be powerful strong to keep you sober. Good luck...and just remember not to drink for that day. Just that day.

Welcome to SR.

Tazman53

Shelly first thing I would suggest is to hang tight with your AA friend, let her know what is up, if you are hanging with her and a drinking buddy is pushing you to drink it will do you well to have someone else in your corner that will not have any issue with letting them know you are not drinking.

One more thing I have found that any one who pushs anyone else to drink is usually doing it to have some one cover up thier own drinking problem.

Who do you remember at a wild party? The drunkest drunk or the second drunest drunk?

Their are freinds and their are drinking buddies, a friend will support you until the bitter end, a drinking buddy will drop you like a hot potato if some one else will drink with them.

Wolfchild

If you have a cell phone, this suggestion could provide supportive unity for you during a potentially difficult time.

Ask your sponsor, your grandsponsor, your sisters in sponsorship, everyone in your support group, your sponsees, and anyone else who is willing and able; to call you at regular intervals throughout the evening.
You could also commit to calling them at various times during the festivities.

Don't forget to turn that ring tone up to it's highest volume
so you'll hear it no matter what is going on around you!

getr345

In my early sobriety, people like this, even good friends, were the ones I made a conscious decision to avoid after hearing comments like that from them. No way I could afford to be around people like that, and I chose not to be. Go and be the best DD & maid of honor ever, get through the wedding sober, and then at some point down the road, maybe explain the gravity of the situation. If they still say stuff like that, it might be time to ask yourself if these are really your friends...

smacked

Only you have control as to whether or not you drink.

Imagine how great you'll feel if you don't!

bjork

I do not envy your position. I think you have gotten some pretty good advice to choose from.

The friend that said, "Ya right, you will be drinking again by then" has no idea what you are going through.

I have also recently come to terms with the fact that one friend in particular liked me being around because I was always more drunk than her. She has pretty much lost all interest in contacting me to do anything since I told her I wasn't drinking. I told her it was because I needed to lose weight.

The bachelorette party....drink soda with a lime wedge or club soda with a splash of juice. It will look like a drink and hopefully they won't notice. If they give you a hard time you could also say you are on meds for ______ and can't drink.

Do the same at the wedding.

Keep posting and let us know how it goes!

Freeport

One other way to phrase this to fellow attendees might be that as the maid of honor, you view it as your role to take care of the bride that evening. You want all your faculties to accomplish that take, and – not to mention you're the DD – that means staying cold sober.

It's good that you're thinking ahead and crafting a plan, but I'm confident that you're going to pull this off. I was at a family wedding last weekend, and they served my favorite local craft brew –*ice cold – and frankly I wasn't all that tempted. I realized I really wouldn't want "just one" anyway, and that was out of the question for multiple reasons, including the fact that I was a DD. I realized I really didn't need it to enjoy myself, and watching some people falling down drunk didn't hurt my sobriety as the evening went on. Good luck!

shelly009

Thanks everyone.. I know your right. I am actually looking forward to remembering the evening for a change. And I am sure I will very much enjoy seeing people drunk to remind me I dont want to be there again.

Dee74

Some great advice here Shelly.

Personally, I told people because I needed them to understand how serious it was for me, and because if I hadn't, the same old invitations and pressures would have eventually worn me down.

It's a test of fire to have to do this so soon, but it absolutely can be done. You know what you're fighting for - hang tough

D