Binge drinking mom of 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
Binge drinking mom of 2
This is embarrassing because I am a wife and a mother and should know better but over the last 3 years alcohol has seemed to have gotten the better of me. We have always drank, my husband and I, socially and were often the ones hosting the parties and BBQs for the last 10 years. We always had a great turn out and everyone had alot of fun... I have never been one to get completely wasted where I would be slurring, falling down or starting fights. For the most part I was a really happy drunk.
About 2 years ago, I noticed that I was getting drunker than usual and wanting to drink by myself at night even when there was nothing going on. I found myself hanging out with friends I wouldnt normally hangout with just because I knew they would be drinking. I can handle alot of booze for someone my size (5'5 145 lbs) I was drinking about 10 drinks 3-4 nights a week. I never seemed that drunk, my hangovers were never that bad and the kids never really saw me drinking (always after they were asleep) so I guess no one really noticed.
I finally told my husband that I wanted to quit and he said "Cant you just moderate, dont F*&! this up for everyone else" Again, our social life was quite a huge part of our existance and he felt like he had no problem moderating his drinking.
ANYWAY... to skip ahead, over the last year things are still on a progressive downhill. I still havnt hit a huge bottom - unless kicking my husband out of the house after coming home drunk last week counts - but I have decided that I no longer want drinking and the party atmosphere in my life anymore. I was always afraid that I would lose my lifestyle and my husband if I couldnt learn to moderate my drinking... but I cant and I know that now... so as far as I am concerned, if my friends and husband cant understand I am better off without them.
This is day 2 for me and I couldnt be happier... I plan to stick around. Great to meet you all.
About 2 years ago, I noticed that I was getting drunker than usual and wanting to drink by myself at night even when there was nothing going on. I found myself hanging out with friends I wouldnt normally hangout with just because I knew they would be drinking. I can handle alot of booze for someone my size (5'5 145 lbs) I was drinking about 10 drinks 3-4 nights a week. I never seemed that drunk, my hangovers were never that bad and the kids never really saw me drinking (always after they were asleep) so I guess no one really noticed.
I finally told my husband that I wanted to quit and he said "Cant you just moderate, dont F*&! this up for everyone else" Again, our social life was quite a huge part of our existance and he felt like he had no problem moderating his drinking.
ANYWAY... to skip ahead, over the last year things are still on a progressive downhill. I still havnt hit a huge bottom - unless kicking my husband out of the house after coming home drunk last week counts - but I have decided that I no longer want drinking and the party atmosphere in my life anymore. I was always afraid that I would lose my lifestyle and my husband if I couldnt learn to moderate my drinking... but I cant and I know that now... so as far as I am concerned, if my friends and husband cant understand I am better off without them.
This is day 2 for me and I couldnt be happier... I plan to stick around. Great to meet you all.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 111
Hi there, glad to see you on here. I am a divorced Mom of 3 going through the many of the same struggles. I definitely encourage you to keep it up and listen to your own inner voice. If you think your drinking is a problem, then it definitely is, and you need to take care of yourself before being dragged down any further by alcohol. I never hit rock bottom myself, and I really don't want to. I never did drink during the day, never at all, only at night like 3-4 times per week. But each time I did I would drink nearly a full bottle of wine a night (5 glasses, which for me at 99 pounds is enough to make me ill). And time after time of doing the same thing (something like Groundhog Day) I finally said enough is enough! I'm working on kicking this and hope you can, too. Good luck and keep posting!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi shelly 
I think you'll like it here.
I wasn't married but I was 'in' with a party crowd - it was very hard for me to stay sober while they all expected me to drink - 'just be sociable - have a drink with me' - so I left.
The people who really mattered, who really cared, are still with me. It all works out
Welcome to SR
D
I think you'll like it here.I wasn't married but I was 'in' with a party crowd - it was very hard for me to stay sober while they all expected me to drink - 'just be sociable - have a drink with me' - so I left.
The people who really mattered, who really cared, are still with me. It all works out
Welcome to SR
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
Divorced father of two here, been sober for over 4 years and I can honestly say that life has never been better. Please do stick around, there's plenty of hope we can share with each other, and welcome to SR! 
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Welcome to SR. I have heard that if you think you have a problem with alcohol, then you probably do. The normal folks don't think like we do. Glad you decided to stop drinking for you and your kids. Its really awesome. Keep posting
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Welcome shelly & hopeful!!!
It is great to meet other alcoholic wife's & moms.
I can completely relate. I only drank at night and I deserved it dammit!
I have been sober a little over 13 months and I can honestly say, I have never been happier.
It is a lot of work and my family has had to make adjustments but my kids have never been happier. If you had asked me, I would have told you I was a great Mom, the kids were not affected, I was the Girl Scout leader, Soccer team Mom, etc. But ya know what, they were affected and now I know how. I made amends to my 17 year old son a couple months ago and I was shocked at what he knew and how he was hurt over my drinking.
Anyway, I am so happy to welcome you!
Keep posting, you are in the right place!!
It is great to meet other alcoholic wife's & moms.
I can completely relate. I only drank at night and I deserved it dammit!
I have been sober a little over 13 months and I can honestly say, I have never been happier.
It is a lot of work and my family has had to make adjustments but my kids have never been happier. If you had asked me, I would have told you I was a great Mom, the kids were not affected, I was the Girl Scout leader, Soccer team Mom, etc. But ya know what, they were affected and now I know how. I made amends to my 17 year old son a couple months ago and I was shocked at what he knew and how he was hurt over my drinking.
Anyway, I am so happy to welcome you!
Keep posting, you are in the right place!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi and Welcome,
I think you are discovering that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it gets worse, unless we stop it. I think it's great that you have the perspective to know that you need to make big changes in your life and that recovery is what you want and need.
There is lots of support here, so keep posting.
I think you are discovering that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it gets worse, unless we stop it. I think it's great that you have the perspective to know that you need to make big changes in your life and that recovery is what you want and need.
There is lots of support here, so keep posting.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 118
Congratulations on two days and on making the most important decision of your life. All I can say is, don't worry about what your husband says -- it sounds like he has his own issues. Focus on your own well-being and don't let anything knock you off the path of sobriety.
I've got a little over a month myself, and haven't felt better in years. It's not easy, but I think it's well worth it. You'll find that you have a social life, too.
I've got a little over a month myself, and haven't felt better in years. It's not easy, but I think it's well worth it. You'll find that you have a social life, too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Shelly and welcome to SR. Yes listen to yourself. I was an alcoholic, mom, and wife; I'm still a mom and a grandma and I'm happier than i've ever been. I lost 99% of my friends when I quit drinking, of course I quickly realized they weren't really friends they were drinking buddies. I didn't drink around my daughter much but she knew I was a drunk and she is so proud of me now. SR is a great place to start.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
We're glad you found us. I'm a sober mom of 3. I found this wonderful site early in my sobriety. I found this link from our alcoholism forum especially helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
It helped me understand how I had become addicted to alcohol body, mind and soul. I let my children know about my sobriety on day 4 of quitting alcohol. They have been my biggest cheerleaders, and my friends here at SR have been very supportive.
Make yourself at home, read and post as much as you need.
We're glad you found us. I'm a sober mom of 3. I found this wonderful site early in my sobriety. I found this link from our alcoholism forum especially helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
It helped me understand how I had become addicted to alcohol body, mind and soul. I let my children know about my sobriety on day 4 of quitting alcohol. They have been my biggest cheerleaders, and my friends here at SR have been very supportive.
Make yourself at home, read and post as much as you need.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 98
Congratulation, today is day 5 for me, and I am feeling better everyday as you will. I think that our stories are similiar, we were the bbq party house, everyone wanted to be around us, we were FUN. The problem was I was not like them after a while and I had to have FUN during the week, 3 to 5 times a week, and with my husband working at night, there was only the kids to witness Mom getting drunk after all the dishes were done and the housework was completed. So to the outside, I was fine, on the inside I was killing myself. I was sad and unahappy and depressed.
Please stay here, and help yourself, for yourself. Their are so many women here that have the same story as you.
Love,
The lady
Please stay here, and help yourself, for yourself. Their are so many women here that have the same story as you.
Love,
The lady
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Ok, as appalled as I am by what your husband said, I realize it's because it hit me so close to home. On one of my first attempts (following an emergency room visit because I was completely hammered) to quit, it was early in September of last year. I remember him actually telling me that I had ruined football season. I was horrified that this was even a thought to him, how selfish! Course, then I thought about how absolutely selfish and neglectful of the relationship I had been as my drinking got worse and worse.
Unfortunately I returned to drinking about 3 weeks after that lil episode.. and kept it up until mid December. After that, my husband had said things like "I miss my drinking buddy" or.. "you changed YOUR life, I'm not changing mine".. still selfish, and I still remembered my role in that as well. Over time, and after I pretty much told him I was quitting forEVER, he started supporting me. I finally convinced him that my drinking would kill me, and if it was more important to him to have a party girl than a wife, then he could hit the road. And he almost did.
Now my home is a safe place. There hasn't been alcohol in it since I quit in December. My husband only recently has had one or 2 beers in front of me, on about 4 occasions in the past month. He realized that his drinking was a misplaced priority, as was our "partying". We're both 34, we're not in college.. we're adults, and we have responsibilities. I drank enough for the rest of my life, and almost more than that.. We've partied enough and have the rest of our MARRIAGE to live.
I feel for you, because I remember how horrible I felt without the support from the person who is supposed to love me more than anything in the universe. Do this for you, stick to your guns despite 'ruining' (wtf?) anything for anyone. I bet it will work out best for YOU in the end, no matter the fallout.
PM me if you ever want to talk... I have SO been there, hun.
Unfortunately I returned to drinking about 3 weeks after that lil episode.. and kept it up until mid December. After that, my husband had said things like "I miss my drinking buddy" or.. "you changed YOUR life, I'm not changing mine".. still selfish, and I still remembered my role in that as well. Over time, and after I pretty much told him I was quitting forEVER, he started supporting me. I finally convinced him that my drinking would kill me, and if it was more important to him to have a party girl than a wife, then he could hit the road. And he almost did.
Now my home is a safe place. There hasn't been alcohol in it since I quit in December. My husband only recently has had one or 2 beers in front of me, on about 4 occasions in the past month. He realized that his drinking was a misplaced priority, as was our "partying". We're both 34, we're not in college.. we're adults, and we have responsibilities. I drank enough for the rest of my life, and almost more than that.. We've partied enough and have the rest of our MARRIAGE to live.
I feel for you, because I remember how horrible I felt without the support from the person who is supposed to love me more than anything in the universe. Do this for you, stick to your guns despite 'ruining' (wtf?) anything for anyone. I bet it will work out best for YOU in the end, no matter the fallout.
PM me if you ever want to talk... I have SO been there, hun.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
Thank you everyone!
Flutter, it does sound like our situations are very much the same. We are in our early thirties as well (hes late 30s) and I used to work late or go out about 3 times a week just so I could drink so he didnt always see it.
I have began to be very honest with him about my drinking this time and he is being very supportive. He got rid of all the alcohol in the house and has decided to quit with me. We are going to a BBQ tommorow with some partying friends of mine but I am arming myself with Near Beer (odouls is really quite tasty) and my husbands support. He said we will leave as soon as I feel I need to (and also suggested that we dont go). I think it will be fine though.
All of our fights and problems occured when we were drinking or hungover so its exciting to this of what my Marriage could be. I am really looking forward to this new change, I hope it lasts forever.
Flutter, it does sound like our situations are very much the same. We are in our early thirties as well (hes late 30s) and I used to work late or go out about 3 times a week just so I could drink so he didnt always see it.
I have began to be very honest with him about my drinking this time and he is being very supportive. He got rid of all the alcohol in the house and has decided to quit with me. We are going to a BBQ tommorow with some partying friends of mine but I am arming myself with Near Beer (odouls is really quite tasty) and my husbands support. He said we will leave as soon as I feel I need to (and also suggested that we dont go). I think it will be fine though.
All of our fights and problems occured when we were drinking or hungover so its exciting to this of what my Marriage could be. I am really looking forward to this new change, I hope it lasts forever.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I hope it does too
Great to have a plan for events that involve drinking, too. I really hid in my shell (and still do somewhat) during my first very fragile weeks of sobriety. Frankly, I don't like to be around drinkers. You'll find a shi*load of threads about 'near beer', so I wont go there.. my personal choice is something that does NOT remind me of alcohol, or trigger the thoughs about it. I often bring cream soda or vitamin water with me places. However, considering the past, it sounds like a great plan. Please be careful with yourself, and if at any time during this BBQ or any upcoming events you need to leave, do it! I have turned down a LOT of invitations to protect my sobriety, and haven't yet regretted it.
Glad to hear that hubby is being so supportive now.. they take a while to come around sometimes (ok ok.. no one bash me for that.. )
Great to have a plan for events that involve drinking, too. I really hid in my shell (and still do somewhat) during my first very fragile weeks of sobriety. Frankly, I don't like to be around drinkers. You'll find a shi*load of threads about 'near beer', so I wont go there.. my personal choice is something that does NOT remind me of alcohol, or trigger the thoughs about it. I often bring cream soda or vitamin water with me places. However, considering the past, it sounds like a great plan. Please be careful with yourself, and if at any time during this BBQ or any upcoming events you need to leave, do it! I have turned down a LOT of invitations to protect my sobriety, and haven't yet regretted it.
Glad to hear that hubby is being so supportive now.. they take a while to come around sometimes
(ok ok.. no one bash me for that.. )
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 437
Welcome Shelly,
I was told the same things. Why did I have to get out of hand. I ruined everything. My husband has always and still abuses alcohol. I surpassed him quickly. I went to rehab for 8 days after coming to work after drinking. I did this twice and am thankful that I was caught. That was my choice to go to rehab but in hind site I think that is what allowed me to do this the first try. My tolerance was very high also. Do whatever you have to so that you stay sober. I had a hard time with the entertaining but it is getting easier. We have a seashore house and that is what people do. All my neighbors drink. Now sometimes I almost feel sorry for them. Some people get and others never do. Good luck and keep posting. There is no reason for someone to have that much to drink. Now I can see that I was basically poisoning myself. I am at almost 1 year now and it takes a while to realize how you are hurting yourself more than you know.
I was told the same things. Why did I have to get out of hand. I ruined everything. My husband has always and still abuses alcohol. I surpassed him quickly. I went to rehab for 8 days after coming to work after drinking. I did this twice and am thankful that I was caught. That was my choice to go to rehab but in hind site I think that is what allowed me to do this the first try. My tolerance was very high also. Do whatever you have to so that you stay sober. I had a hard time with the entertaining but it is getting easier. We have a seashore house and that is what people do. All my neighbors drink. Now sometimes I almost feel sorry for them. Some people get and others never do. Good luck and keep posting. There is no reason for someone to have that much to drink. Now I can see that I was basically poisoning myself. I am at almost 1 year now and it takes a while to realize how you are hurting yourself more than you know.
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