grrrr

Hi mtn, I am sorry to see you struggling. Lots of good advice here, so not sure how much I can add. I think when I first met you on this forum, you were attending an AA meeting every day and getting a lot of strength there. Just staying sober for the 24 hours between meetings and getting your head focused on that present moment. I hope you can try that again or some other recovery way that you can relate to. Tell yourself that you are not going into the hell of active addiction and take the actions you know work for you. ((mtn))
~K

least

Don't give up on yourself, never give up! You CAN stay sober, but it takes a lot of effort on your part. Just for today, don't drink. Worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Until then, just don't drink today.

Forgive yourself and start over. You CAN do this.

mtnmagic

Thanks everyone. I did call the hotline number that Laurie provided. I spoke to a woman for a long time. She came and picked me up and took me to a meeting this morning. I felt better.

I scare myself. I really do. As I stated physically the withdrawals aren't bad.
I'm emotionally devasted. There has been no one in my AA world that gave up on me. It is myself that does that.

I don't have the skills to connect with other people. I'm going to have to learn that. My participation on this forum mirrors how I am in my real life.
I will step out of the shadows and reach out, only to fade away again when my own insecurity gets the best of me.

I've been doing this for a long, long time now. Very difficult for me to change, but I see how clearly I have to if I want to stay sober and live.

Thanks for those PM's. I will respond to them. I need to get the guts to do that. I realize they were given in a spirit of caring for another suffering alcoholic. I'm honored. I really do want what you guys have.

I will not drink today. I will not hide away from the world. I will go to another AA meeting tomorrow. I will go to work and try to do the best I can.
I will not try and fix myself in fast speed time. It took a long time to get me to the place I am at. It is going to take a long time to change my life and stay sober.

Wolfchild

Into another day of opportunities;
to make a decision to stay committed to your own life or
return to the same old same old that led to nowhere fast!

i pray for the best that God has to offer you
in your growing desire to find a new way of life.

Thentram

Glad to hear you are doing better! Please do reach out and make those connections, they can only make you stronger. Keep sharing, emotional distress is always harder alone.

Anna

I'm so glad to see you back today and that you've been seeking support with AA. I have had to work very hard on my insecurities too. The voice in my head could become relentless. I had to learn that I am worth the effort I am putting into recovery and that I am where I should be in life.

You are doing great. Be kind to yourself.

TTOSBT

And it is THAT willingness that is going to get and keep you sober.
Remeber, just one foot infront of the other, one day at a time.

warrens

It's all a "closed feedback loop."

We try to medicate that which ails us. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.

In moderation, it helps. Initially. Many people come home and are quite content to settle their day with the cocktail of choice.

Some of us however, face pain beyond a simple cocktail, beer, whatever. In our society, more is better, right? Money, fame, sex, whatever.

Pretty soon, that which aided us becomes the source of the issue. It begins to become the dominant force. It alters our "balanced personality" into one that crave but one thing. The memory of being "satisfied," or in balance. All the other stuff in life that used to enrich us becomes lost. We crave that which once helped us find "balance." Instantaneously.

The more we use, the worse things get. The worse things get, the more we "need" it. If not for those pleasant memories...

Depending on where we are, it can take a sledgehammer to bust the ever growing cycle. I believe it can take many forms. AA and a trusted sponsor is surely one. It has helped many millions save their lives. It helps no one save their life. It helps those who are ready.

I have seen many other ways work as well. All I do know (I think) is that nothing works without an internal committment. For $1million we cannot hire someone to do it for us. We must begin a different cycle.

A cycle that begins very slowly. Doesn't have the instantaneous effect. We are met with more negative feedback. "Who are you trying to kid?" "You haven't done this, or haven't done that." They have no idea how much we have always loved them. We have no idea how much we love ourselves. Actions speak.

I have little doubt that you will do well. We get to decide when that is, not anyone else. Sure, "programs" help, but only if we are a willing participant. Peace to you.

warren

Dee74

So glad to see you bak today Mtnmagic

D