adore79

i am on probation for a dui. i know i did wrong and i dont want to keep doing the wrong thing.

i lied to my parole officer yesterday. she thinks ive missed two iop classes and asked me why, i told her i was sick. but she doesnt know that in fact ive missed 5 iop classes and apparently im only allowed to miss 3, if i miss more than 3 i have to go back in front of the judge. i dont know if i should call her today and come clean about it or just let it go. people have told me to be honest but it is hard.

also, i missed a drug test last week. if you miss a test it is an automatic "dirty" and you get in trouble, again, a trip back to the courtroom. i didnt tell her about it but she will find out eventually. i think maybe i should have told her.

im so sick of po's and judges and iop and everything and i just want to run away to canada but im too chicken.

thanks for letting me vent

smacked

My vote is for complete honesty.. this is a new life now, ya know?

suki44883

Awww, fel.

I've been where you are as far as being on probation. It's a real pain, but it's better than sitting in jail, IMO. We have to pay for our crime and it's always better if we can actually do it without jail time. My advice is to come clean with your PO. She is bound to find all this out eventually and she will be very unhappy with you for not being honest. If that means going back before the judge, that's just what you'll have to do. Sucks, I know, but then, doing the right thing often does. (((HUGS)))

Believe808

Adore honey, you have to come clean and be honest about everything. What's going on honey?

Wolfchild

We all have to face the consequences of our actions sooner or later. You have an opportunity to take responsibilty for your actions or continue to try and avoid them. i hope you make a decision that you can live with.

Please keep posting and let us know how things progress for you.

adore79

i left her office yesterday with sort of a sick sense of satisfaction that i got away with something. but people on chat last night reminded me that im playing with fire and probation is serious. i could just let it go, she will find it all out and i will go back to court anyway. i dont know, i could call her but cant seem to make myself pick up the phone.

suki44883

Probation IS serious. They are giving you the chance to continue to be out in the free world. They can always revoke that probation if you don't follow the rules. I'm sure you don't want that. Just pick up the phone, sweetie and do what you gotta do.

grateful2b

Adore, I know this is hard and you are scared, but you can do this....building a life on honesty which will empower and strength you......is a better choice than living on lies that keep you down.
If you call her and fess up instead of her finding out, it go better in your favor. I hope things works out for you...

123bubblegum123

I vote for honesty. It does always seem to be the best policy..

JJB

I think like grateful it will be in your favour if you take the step to contact her and explain rather than wait to be "caught out"
Really you've answered your own question by posting here so now just do it-do the right thing!
We're all thinking of you
:ghug

adore79

argh suki you reminded me that i have a year of jail time hanging over my head that the judge could sentence me to, but i dont think he will but what do i know.

Hevyn

Been there, Fel. If you don't confess you'll make yourself sick wondering when and if they'll find out. You don't want to ruin your credibility with your P0. Once they realize they can't trust you it changes their attitude completely. You don't want to go on record as lying or trying to get over on them - they hate that & they never look at you the same way again. I thought the classes were going ok & weren't as bad as you thought? Thinking of you and hoping it turns out alright.

suki44883

Are you willing to take that chance? Hevyn made some very valid points. Don't ruin your rep with your PO. They can make things easy or hard for you. Come on, Fel...pick up the phone. You know it's the right thing.

Astro

That kind of stuff eats me alive, Fel. That's what I did for years when I drank, I was dishonest and then covered up the lies with more dishonesty. It's like building a house of cards, sooner or later it comes crashing down.

I know it hurts to suck it up and be honest, and there might be some repurcussions. But doing the next right thing is what frees us from the bondage of our poor decisions and behavior.

If you talk to your PO, it might be a good to have an idea of what your plan of action will be, rather than just coming clean and apologizing. If your PO feels you're being sincere and mean business, they might be a little more leanient on you.

Tazman53

Adore one of the main things I have found needed to stay sober is we have to pay the piper. We have to be HONEST!

Put your self in the judges place, now your PO says "I found out Adore missed a drug test & 5 IOPs"! How do you think the judge will react?

Now put your self in the judges place and your PO tells him "Your honor Adore has told me that she missed a drug test & 5 IOPs."

Let us be honest and realistic, there will be a price you are going to have to pay for this, no matter what, but more then likely the price will not be as steep if you come clean ASAP.

tommyk

"... im so sick of po's and judges and iop and everything..."

No offense intended - you aren't even half as sick of them as they are with people who can't follow society's rules.

Please make an effort at being a society 'member' instead of a society offender?

Give it a shot, I think you'll like it.

siamcat

Hm, I think while it's important to come clean as soon as you can, you should still give your therapist a call first and see what kind of help he can offer. I know you didn't not go just because you have some bad girl complex, it won't make up for missing the classes but it might put it into context for your PO a little if your therapist can accentuate your history of social phobia. Whatever happens, we're all sending you love and strength felly...

Hevyn

I understand how you feel, Fel, I wanted to run away too when I went through this a few years ago. I was horrified that my wings had been clipped. I tried everything I could think of to get around my "sentence" but it was impossible. Any time I tried to do things my way it resulted in making things more complicated & prolonged the whole process. These people do not play - and they don't want to hear it when you disrespect them. Please don't sabotage yourself. I have a feeling it'll all turn out fine. (P.S. That's an excellent point siamcat makes!)

yankees24

Adore, if i were you i would come clean..I myself just got off of probation for a dui...I was originally only supposed to serve 3 years but i extended into six thanks to still drinking, drugging, and sneaking around drug tests..I know exactly how you feel, i cant even count how many time i have lied to my PO and i got caught most of the time...It wasent until towards the end when i got serious that i began to tell the truth and it def. made my life a hell of alot easier. I myself also had a year hanging over my head, and i did violate a few times and spent time in jail, but thats because i caught new charges, like drinking in public, and possesion, all stupid on my part... but i do believe that if you come clean your po will be proud you came to them about it and you should be fine..I just would try not miss anymore dates and just do what you have to do get out of the system..I thought myself that i would never free myself from it, and did myself run to florida for a while knowing i was going to jail anyway cause who wants to run away forever when theres something not even so serious hanging over their heads...WE diddnt kill anyone! but i wish you the best of luck with your situation..keep your head up.

PS i hope the adore 79 is a smashing pumpkins reference ; )

yankees24

Adore, if i were you i would come clean..I myself just got off of probation for a dui...I was originally only supposed to serve 3 years but i extended into six thanks to still drinking, drugging, and sneaking around drug tests..I know exactly how you feel, i cant even count how many time i have lied to my PO and i got caught most of the time...It wasent until towards the end when i got serious that i began to tell the truth and it def. made my life a hell of alot easier. I myself also had a year hanging over my head, and i did violate a few times and spent time in jail, but thats because i caught new charges, like drinking in public, and possesion, all stupid on my part... but i do believe that if you come clean your po will be proud you came to them about it and you should be fine..I just would try not miss anymore dates and just do what you have to do get out of the system..I thought myself that i would never free myself from it, and did myself run to florida for a while knowing i was going to jail anyway cause who wants to run away forever when theres something not even so serious hanging over their heads...WE diddnt kill anyone! but i wish you the best of luck with your situation..keep your head up.

PS i hope the adore 79 is a smashing pumpkins reference ; )