lying to my husband
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
The truth is that I come from a well known family
And another well known figure in the press is Kitty Dukakis. I saw her speak when she visited Sweden, she was very open about her alcoholism, therapy, everything.
A lot of high profile people are alcoholics and I guess that complicates their road to recovery because every little move they make is amplified by the press.
Lots of celebrities have shown up in the AA rooms. And, they are protected by the AA rule of anonymity. You do not share the names and personal details of people who come into the rooms.
I told my husband a well known Swedish actor showed up at my Friday meeting. He said oh, who was that.
I can't tell you his name, was my answer.
And I would have to echo the other comments here about therapists. I have an excellent one right now but it took a bit of shopping around to find her. Lots of mainstream therapists have no clue about alcoholism and addiction. I would try to find someone specializing in that. Nowadays there are addiction therapists. That is my therapist's specialty.
I hope you find an AA meeting and work through these issues. You are taking the first important steps: by discussing things here on SR.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Most here have replied with what I would have said too-but I just want to add...
When I first came here I was terrified too of being 'outed' as an alcoholic.I was also in the public eye and was exhausted from keeping up the appearance of a perfect life.It was anything but.
There is a huge freedom in coming clean-believe me.It's only our pride that stops us. As others have said-look at all the 'celebrities' that have gone to rehab etc and been open about it.I'm sure they were just as scared as you or I at one point and for the most part?All they got in return was kudos for addressing their problems and dealing with them.
We have to stop thinking we're unique-it can kill us.It's killing you. You ARE very important-but you're not special and that, believe it or not-is the most wonderful thing about this.You are surrounded here by people who understand.People who are also 'well known' and people who are not.It doesn't matter-alcoholism is a great leveller.We understand and support you.
I don't think lying to your husband will help you at all.I understand your fear?But it really is true that we're only as sick as our secrets.It's better to be honest even if it's scary.
As to your famous therapist?I don't think it matters either if they're well known or not.A GOOD therapist would never tell you alcohol wasn't a problem if you think it is.That's just wrong.I suggest you find another one.
Keep postng here and know you're not alone.
Jules
When I first came here I was terrified too of being 'outed' as an alcoholic.I was also in the public eye and was exhausted from keeping up the appearance of a perfect life.It was anything but.
There is a huge freedom in coming clean-believe me.It's only our pride that stops us. As others have said-look at all the 'celebrities' that have gone to rehab etc and been open about it.I'm sure they were just as scared as you or I at one point and for the most part?All they got in return was kudos for addressing their problems and dealing with them.
We have to stop thinking we're unique-it can kill us.It's killing you. You ARE very important-but you're not special and that, believe it or not-is the most wonderful thing about this.You are surrounded here by people who understand.People who are also 'well known' and people who are not.It doesn't matter-alcoholism is a great leveller.We understand and support you.
I don't think lying to your husband will help you at all.I understand your fear?But it really is true that we're only as sick as our secrets.It's better to be honest even if it's scary.
As to your famous therapist?I don't think it matters either if they're well known or not.A GOOD therapist would never tell you alcohol wasn't a problem if you think it is.That's just wrong.I suggest you find another one.
Keep postng here and know you're not alone.
Jules
trying to get it..
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 286
Originally Posted by 1_day@_a_time 
my experience with therapists/psychologists, etc. is I would only suggest seeing one who is in active recovery themselves.
takes an alcoholic to relate & understand one.
takes an alcoholic to relate & understand one.
As to lying, well have you actually lied as in has he asked you if you are addicted or think you are? Or is it because you are going to disappear for a few hours and will tell him you are doing something else when he asks?
My suggestion is you come clean, if you cannot get sppt. at home well.......
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 437
Welcome Effort,
I too come from a well-known family. My story is a little different. I did get out of hand only a few times. (put to bed drunk) I fell twice. But I was getting worse. I binge drank weekends and any time I was not working. I had to do a long ride home on a Monday morning and needed a drink for the ride. Well long story short I smelled of alcohol at work and was outed. My kids were talking of intervention so I took the hint. I went to a rehab or lose my job. I do not attend AA but our close family and friends and work know I was in rehab. I only use this site but the point I want to make is I don't think I could have done it secretly. The disease will not let you. It wants you to keep it a secret so you will drink again. If you think others don't see how much you drink you are probably fooling yourself. The embarressment wears off. You need the accountability or chances are you will drink again. This is my first time quitting and I am at 11 months. Keep reading and posting because it can get alot worse. Good luck
I too come from a well-known family. My story is a little different. I did get out of hand only a few times. (put to bed drunk) I fell twice. But I was getting worse. I binge drank weekends and any time I was not working. I had to do a long ride home on a Monday morning and needed a drink for the ride. Well long story short I smelled of alcohol at work and was outed. My kids were talking of intervention so I took the hint. I went to a rehab or lose my job. I do not attend AA but our close family and friends and work know I was in rehab. I only use this site but the point I want to make is I don't think I could have done it secretly. The disease will not let you. It wants you to keep it a secret so you will drink again. If you think others don't see how much you drink you are probably fooling yourself. The embarressment wears off. You need the accountability or chances are you will drink again. This is my first time quitting and I am at 11 months. Keep reading and posting because it can get alot worse. Good luck
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
Originally Posted by effortjoy
Here's what happened when i went to a famous psychologist a few years back:
She said that I don't have a drinking problem and that it was a good way to relax given our lifestyle.
I am so scared of trying to find a diff psychologist bx the 'advice' of that psychologist led to too many nights of out of control drinking.
Given my situation, I think I will stick to using this site but maybe when I get further along I will be able to be more comfortable being honest with my husband (and everyone else)
She said that I don't have a drinking problem and that it was a good way to relax given our lifestyle.
I am so scared of trying to find a diff psychologist bx the 'advice' of that psychologist led to too many nights of out of control drinking.
Given my situation, I think I will stick to using this site but maybe when I get further along I will be able to be more comfortable being honest with my husband (and everyone else)
I brought my drinking up with my therapist. She didn't think I was an alcoholic either. I was relieved to a degree, because part of me wanted to hear that... yet felt let down, too, because I SO wanted someone "in the know" to confirm what I really know is true.
I agree with most here that letting your husband in on what's going on is a good idea. It may feel really uncomfortable at first, but I think in the end you'll feel relieved.
Hang in there.
Soft & Silky & Manageable
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Radelaide
Posts: 148
I've been to several different counsellors/therapists. Sometimes I click with the person, sometimes not. I went to a counsellor whose field was drug & alcohol addiction before I ever went near an NA or AA meeting. She was great, and if I never saw her i wouldn't have made it this far.
Still, as people have said, some on here use SR as their only means of support and things are working out great for them. I'm trying AA for the first time (just had my 2nd meeting tonight) and I'll be going back to NA when I can. It's all up to you. Chances are you'll be fine if you choose to stick with SR and nothing else. But the more support, the better.
:ghug3
On the husband thing, you're only human, and so is he. I agree with pretty much all the other posts here on the subject.
Still, as people have said, some on here use SR as their only means of support and things are working out great for them. I'm trying AA for the first time (just had my 2nd meeting tonight) and I'll be going back to NA when I can. It's all up to you. Chances are you'll be fine if you choose to stick with SR and nothing else. But the more support, the better.
:ghug3
On the husband thing, you're only human, and so is he. I agree with pretty much all the other posts here on the subject.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
effortjoy welcome to SR, I work in Springfield, at a government agency, PM me if you wish to know anymore then that.
First let me say this, the truth set me free!!!! There was no way I could maintain my recovery until I was brutally honest with myself and mindfully honest with those that love me and know me.
Now I am going to let you in on a little known fact about AA in the DC area....... there is an underground AA in the DC area, I would suggest calling the DC area AA hotline and explain the position you are in and how important "EXTRA" anonymity is to you and ask them if they have a contact with soome one who can help you out.
There are AA meetings in many politician filled building in the DC area. Your anonymity will be in the hands of people who in many cases feel their own anonymity is of utmost importance. Can or would I name any one in these meetings? Heck no!!!
Just give the local AA hotline a call and tell them what you are seeking, there are thousands of meetings in the DC area.
First let me say this, the truth set me free!!!! There was no way I could maintain my recovery until I was brutally honest with myself and mindfully honest with those that love me and know me.
Now I am going to let you in on a little known fact about AA in the DC area....... there is an underground AA in the DC area, I would suggest calling the DC area AA hotline and explain the position you are in and how important "EXTRA" anonymity is to you and ask them if they have a contact with soome one who can help you out.
There are AA meetings in many politician filled building in the DC area. Your anonymity will be in the hands of people who in many cases feel their own anonymity is of utmost importance. Can or would I name any one in these meetings? Heck no!!!
Just give the local AA hotline a call and tell them what you are seeking, there are thousands of meetings in the DC area.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 45
I can really relate to your issue. I lied to my husband for 2 1/2 years about my opiate addiction. I was terrified of what his reaction would be. Once I started going to NA meetings and trying to get clean, I eventually found the strength to come clean with him. And he was more understanding and supporting than I ever could have imagined.
Someone once asked me " Did you really marry someone who wouldn't accept you and everything about you, and who wouldn't support you? If so why did you marry him??" This was the best "advice" I ever got.
For me, I could not get clean on my own, I tried for a while, but until I had the support of my partner, I was getting nowhere.
Good Luck
and I believe in you.
Someone once asked me " Did you really marry someone who wouldn't accept you and everything about you, and who wouldn't support you? If so why did you marry him??" This was the best "advice" I ever got.
For me, I could not get clean on my own, I tried for a while, but until I had the support of my partner, I was getting nowhere.
Good Luck
and I believe in you.
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