Reality check: More proof that street life will most likely end in death.
Looking For Myself...Sober
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Reality check: More proof that street life will most likely end in death.
Watching the news today I saw a story from the city I go when I get high. A man was stabbed to death in a spot I hang at when I am there.
I looked the story up in the newspaper site and found that it was someone I knew. Someone I had hung with before. Someone who did take off with my money ONE time. Later tried to pay me back. But thats not the point. He was an IV user and did alot of people wrong to feed his habit.
I guess he messed with the wrong person this time.
I cant say I am sad. But it is a little because he was addicted just like me. He did try really hard to make up for beating me that day. But I blew him off.
They said in the paper he was a "local legend". I wouldnt go as far as to say that. And they also said he had kids.
On first finding out who it was. All those feelings I felt when he ran off with my money came rushing back. And I was like "Good. He got what he deserved and they put him out of his misery."
But not more than 5 mins later. I totally felt bad for thinking that.
He was bad off. Some might even say "Too far gone".
But he was still human. And he couldnt have been too far gone if he tried to make amends with me. Even if the amends were drug related. People dont do that in the street.
I am sure he had a family just like me. Someone out there obviously cared about him. They have a makeshift memorial in the spot he was stabbed.
It is always sad to see someone addicted go out like that. In the street. I have seen it too many times. And I have to say. When you see it on the news and read it in the paper and dont know how it is. ANd dont know the person. It doesnt hit as hard as when you have been that close to death like that yourself many times. And when you know that person. It does hit a little hard. Even if they werent soemone you liked.
We are the same when it comes down to it. We all suffer from our own addiction some way or another. We are all human. And we all can die.
I dont want to die like that. I should have so many times.
Every time I hear about something like this. It really makes me question my own mortality. I think back on how many times and ways I should have been long gone.
Now I just feel grateful. I am here. At home with my family. Trying to not become that perosn I just saw on the news. That can very well be me at any moment when I am using.
Sorry for rambling. I really get emotional when I hear about things like this. Especially when its someone I knew.
I looked the story up in the newspaper site and found that it was someone I knew. Someone I had hung with before. Someone who did take off with my money ONE time. Later tried to pay me back. But thats not the point. He was an IV user and did alot of people wrong to feed his habit.
I guess he messed with the wrong person this time.
I cant say I am sad. But it is a little because he was addicted just like me. He did try really hard to make up for beating me that day. But I blew him off.
They said in the paper he was a "local legend". I wouldnt go as far as to say that. And they also said he had kids.
On first finding out who it was. All those feelings I felt when he ran off with my money came rushing back. And I was like "Good. He got what he deserved and they put him out of his misery."
But not more than 5 mins later. I totally felt bad for thinking that.
He was bad off. Some might even say "Too far gone".
But he was still human. And he couldnt have been too far gone if he tried to make amends with me. Even if the amends were drug related. People dont do that in the street.
I am sure he had a family just like me. Someone out there obviously cared about him. They have a makeshift memorial in the spot he was stabbed.
It is always sad to see someone addicted go out like that. In the street. I have seen it too many times. And I have to say. When you see it on the news and read it in the paper and dont know how it is. ANd dont know the person. It doesnt hit as hard as when you have been that close to death like that yourself many times. And when you know that person. It does hit a little hard. Even if they werent soemone you liked.
We are the same when it comes down to it. We all suffer from our own addiction some way or another. We are all human. And we all can die.
I dont want to die like that. I should have so many times.
Every time I hear about something like this. It really makes me question my own mortality. I think back on how many times and ways I should have been long gone.
Now I just feel grateful. I am here. At home with my family. Trying to not become that perosn I just saw on the news. That can very well be me at any moment when I am using.
Sorry for rambling. I really get emotional when I hear about things like this. Especially when its someone I knew.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
yes, this is sad trish...
what addictions lead us to do, and where it can take us...
as addiction wants us dead...
it tugs, pulls, and weedles us every which way...
as we are humans, living in a mind and body of adictions, only a little part of us can come through, the deeper addiction is in...
trish, you have said countless times, your not afraid of dying!
tonight, i'm happy to read you do not want to die like that...
blessings
pattee
what addictions lead us to do, and where it can take us...
as addiction wants us dead...
it tugs, pulls, and weedles us every which way...
as we are humans, living in a mind and body of adictions, only a little part of us can come through, the deeper addiction is in...
trish, you have said countless times, your not afraid of dying!
tonight, i'm happy to read you do not want to die like that...
blessings
pattee
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
trish, you have said countless times, your not afraid of dying!
I am not going to say I lied in saying that. Because at the time I am sure I meant it.
And at the time was probably the easy way to look at things.
As we change..So does our thinking and perspective.
Death is always better when your messed up looking at your life you have spent years destroying.
I have almost died and should have more times than I can count. And it was scary. The things that rush through your mind in those moments is unreal and overwhelming. I could never explain in words how exactly it feels when you think your going to die. Not in a minute or next year. Like how it feels to think you are being killed or dieing at that very moment.
I am terrified of death ..PERIOD.
I dont understand it and it really affects me when it hits close.
It makes me go into a huge mind F***.
I cant comprehend how someone is here one minute and gone forever the next.
Never to come back.
Its not really an issue when I read about it or see it on the news or hear about it anywhere else.
But when It is someone I know or especially someone I am close to.
It just completely perplexes me.
I guess what really gets me is someone being killed. Not so much dieing naturally. But I know so many people that have been killed one way or another. It messes with my head alot when it happens. I couldnt even begin to imagine how it feels to die like that. I mean sure..I have came so close so amny times. But to actually have it happen all the way. I wonder what they felt. What they are thinking. What happens after. They cant just be gone ..gone. They have to go somewhere.. right?
And then I go into how the person who killed them could do it. How they felt and what they were thinking when they do that.
I really let it get in my head way too much. But I cant help it.
I do that when people I know have killed someone too. I cant comprehend how someone I know so well could go that far.
You think I would be use to it by now.
I will never get use to death so close to me.
Last edited by Aysha; 06-21-2009 at 10:30 PM.
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