eddie73

Saw this phrase a couple of times in threads and it is very relevant. How do you get comfortable in your own skin? I saw a few photos of myself on stage playing music and I look TOTALLY seroius. The temptation for me is to get out of my head. How do you get comfortable in your skin, or how do you acceptably get out of your head without drink, drugs or addictive behaviour?

Dee74

For me it took a while Eddie - I'd never been comfortable in my own skin - that was one of the reasons I started drinking and drugging. That kind of history can;t be undone in a week, or even a month...but it can be turned round.

Slowly, I found dealing with stuff without drinking or drugs and just living sober gave me a real confidence (unlike the unreal one you get drunk or high) and a true perspective on myself - today at 2 years, I'm not perfect, but I'm not the bad guy I thought I was either.

Keep at it Eddie - I don't think it's something you do? it's something that happens when you're doing everything else right, if that makes sense?

ps I looked serious on stage too - I always thought I was just concentrating
D

TryingSoHard

I wish I knew the answer to that question. I've ALWAYS been too self-critical and had low self esteem. I've never really liked myself all that much, even though I know that I'm really a pretty neat person. I could list a bunch of positive qualities about myself but then still give you a laundry list of why I'm a horrible person.

Anna

Hi Eddie,

Like Dee, I had never been comfortable in my own skin.

I had always played a role, whatever I thought it should be at the moment - wife, mother, whatever.

In recovery, I had to slow down and be quiet. I had to quiet my mind, at least for a few moments, and that's when I began to feel comfortable with myself.

grateful2b

Hi Eddie, great question!
For me, becoming comfortable in my own skin was something that took place overtime..
I was anything but, comfortable in my own skin, because I did not like or love myself..
Like a lot of people, I came from a very dysfunctional background.
over the course of time, through therapy and my spiritual path, I eventually discovered who I 'really' was and not what the messages of my environment/family and I, were telling me about myself....I found, to my surprise that once I mustered the courage to venture within, challenge myself, and do the Inner work, I eventually discovered that I liked and loved the 'real' me. I later discovered that I had pretty much followed the path of the twelve steps without realizing it!
Being comfortable my own skin was the icing on the cake of all that work.

Eddie, just keep doing what you are doing...you'll get there

eddie73

Thank you guys for your kind words and wisdom. I am learning that there are different types of addicts: some drink out of fear, others out of sheer greed, others out of blissful indifference. I am a thinker, and analyse things TO DEATH. I wish I could switch of my brain for like 20 minutes, and just BE for a change. This is going to be a heck of a challenge, but Im up for it. I wonder is trying too hard as bad as not trying at all?? Perhaps that is a question for a new thread.

grateful2b

..lol..Eddie, I so understand!
I have always analysed(sp?) things to death!
and it made me miserable..and I did it out of fear and a need to control my world.
I think trying to strike a balance between being in your head and in your heart is a good goal, and that way we don't wind up getting in our own way...
I believe balance is the key to everything.
meditation is a great way to get out of your head for a bit and it has all kinds of other wonderful benefits and it will help you learn how to just be.....

RJ0235

OK, I'm an overanalyzer, too. I feel the compelling need to understand anything or anyone in minute detail. I have tried meditation in the past to quiet my brain, but even my breathing gets over analyzed. "That exhale was too quick, I need to slow it down, wait...what breath was I on?" I should try to commit to it every day, and hopefully it will improve. Scratch that, I will commit to it every day.

And grateful2b, your location...does the sun ever shine?

tommyk

Being comfortable in my own skin is a big part of spirituality for me.

Letting others be who they are, and being okay with me being me.

I tend to feel less 'judged' these days.

But then I am far less judgemental of others now, so that means a lot.

Good topic.

grateful2b

....lol...I love that song and I like Long John Baldry's version', and the girl that sings on it with him is amazing!

I used the phrase, but its more about sitting quiet, in a tall stand of pines, listening to the wind gently blow through them, and the fragrance..ahhh
its like being in God's cathedral..

Wolfchild

i have learned how to be comfortable in my own skin by becoming more God centered instead of self centered.
i am not perfect, but the spiritual principles found in the Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions are. i am simply
another addict staying clean on a daily basis by doing the next right thing and living a new way of life.

Sweets79

I'm the Queen of overanalyzing.

If I don't understand something someone does, or how come this and that went wrong you better believe I will try like hell to figure out why. And that got me nowhere. I don't know why people do the things they do and wracking my brain out trying to figure out why only drove me to drink more.

I'm hoping to change that.

SillyBilly

What works for me is chucking on a song I really like and forcing myself out (of my head).

Doesn't matter what the song is, or what type of music, as long as I like it and I can sing/dance to it.

Then I'm out of my head and ready to face the world, loaded with energy and enthusiasm.

Eddie, I too over-analyze things to the death! It was one of the reasons I kept using. At least, I think it was, maybe I just kept telling myself that so I had an excuse to keep on using. I reckon you will find over time - without using - that your mind slows down and you will actually start to appreciate the 'analyzing' part of you.

Zencat

For me that comes with working an addiction treatment plan where with continued sobriety I learn better coping skills. I do this primarily through a REBT/CBA practice. Here are some of the tools I use to maintain my sobriety. The tools help without all the other jazz that I found to be a hindrance to my continued sobriety .

Aysha

My take on it probably isnt helpful.
I was so uncomfortable in my own skin before I used.
I am not sure if thats why I started to use. I was shy and insecure. I was always analyzing myself. I was always analyzing everything I did. I was easily embarrassed.

I am not like that anymore. Its one good thing I brought out of addiction with me.
I have my little insecurities liek everyone lese. But I am very comfortable with myself now. I am confident enough in who I am and what I think that I dont care what anyone thinks really.

I try to be who I am and if people dont like it. Or they dont agree. I make no apologies for that.
I am not disrespectful and if it has nothing to do with anyone. And they have nothing to do with me. I could care less about appearances and supeficial BS.

I have no answer or manual for how to be comfortable with yourself. Mine just happened. I do question myself sometimes still. But I snap out of it pretty easily now a days.

I hope you can find it in you to be ok with yourself.
I know there is alot to be proud of in there.

sfgirl

working on your recovery and patience