Laughter is the Best Medicine
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
..Words or wisdom..
..light travels faster then sound,that's why some people seem bright
till you here them speak..
..support bacteria:it's the only culture some people have..
..what happens if you get sacred half to death,twice?..
..how much deeper would the ocean be without,sponges?
ok,somebody else...keep em' comin'!!
..light travels faster then sound,that's why some people seem bright
till you here them speak..
..support bacteria:it's the only culture some people have..
..what happens if you get sacred half to death,twice?..
..how much deeper would the ocean be without,sponges?
ok,somebody else...keep em' comin'!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
..when trees sway,that creates the wind..
..if there were no gravity,the sky would be full of dead birds..
..when i was a baby,my first words were 'quote me'..
before i die,i will utter "end of quote"...
..if there were no gravity,the sky would be full of dead birds..
..when i was a baby,my first words were 'quote me'..
before i die,i will utter "end of quote"...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Ah yes, the wonders of "burgers" at the big M and HJ's.
Floppy bun covered in seeds to stick under your dentures.
Limp and soggy lettuce
Slice of cheese, so orange it obviously come from a cow with terminal liver damage
A beef pattie - some artificial guck, painted to resemble REAL meat, has plastic taste
3 slices of an anaemic tomato
A few blobs of green whatever
Sauce- to try and make it taste like anything but what it is.
I tried a couple of different offerings and ended up chewing the box it came in,
tasted better.
Thanks for the chicken jokes and cartoons that I looked at before going to ABF's for dinner tonight. Chuckled as I walked to his place, then when he said "we are having Chicken Pie", I lost it and cracked up completely.
Because of this thread he is sure I am nuts.
Will hunt out some funnies for you.
Floppy bun covered in seeds to stick under your dentures.
Limp and soggy lettuce
Slice of cheese, so orange it obviously come from a cow with terminal liver damage
A beef pattie - some artificial guck, painted to resemble REAL meat, has plastic taste
3 slices of an anaemic tomato
A few blobs of green whatever
Sauce- to try and make it taste like anything but what it is.
I tried a couple of different offerings and ended up chewing the box it came in,
tasted better.
Thanks for the chicken jokes and cartoons that I looked at before going to ABF's for dinner tonight. Chuckled as I walked to his place, then when he said "we are having Chicken Pie", I lost it and cracked up completely.
Because of this thread he is sure I am nuts.
Will hunt out some funnies for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
An old snake goes to see his doctor.
He says, “Doctor, I need something for my eyes. I can’t see well these days”. The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks, and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
The doctor says, “What’s the problem? Didn’t the glasses help you?”
“The glasses are fine doc. I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”
He says, “Doctor, I need something for my eyes. I can’t see well these days”. The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks, and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
The doctor says, “What’s the problem? Didn’t the glasses help you?”
“The glasses are fine doc. I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
A high school teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart guy at the back of the room, raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When all was silent, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
A smart guy at the back of the room, raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When all was silent, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
..here i sit, looking at a dumb computer..
Im not crazy and neither am I
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
Originally Posted by OZboy 
..carn' Dee..even "kiwis' no a good joke!!....
"kamatee" "kamatee' "..
"kamatee" "kamatee' "..
is this local jargon or something ??
y'all talk funnnny....
Im not crazy and neither am I
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
I guess I should have checked the first page or something for the chicken jokes
I have CRS - cant remember sh*t
Im good. Off to get a new battery for the truck.
Im actually getting my license back next week, I went to the registry and I was actually past the date I could get it back.
$2000 later I will have a license, a registered and insured vehicle, a breathalizer machine installed for 2 years @ an additional $100 a month and a headache. THEN there is the recall on '99 Tacomas that I have to get it registered and on the road before Toyota will even look at the frame and see it they are going to give me 1.5x the retail value for the truck if the frame is too rotted.....
THEN I might have to buy a new vehicle. Good thing I have been saving............
I have CRS - cant remember sh*t
Im good. Off to get a new battery for the truck.
Im actually getting my license back next week, I went to the registry and I was actually past the date I could get it back.
$2000 later I will have a license, a registered and insured vehicle, a breathalizer machine installed for 2 years @ an additional $100 a month and a headache. THEN there is the recall on '99 Tacomas that I have to get it registered and on the road before Toyota will even look at the frame and see it they are going to give me 1.5x the retail value for the truck if the frame is too rotted.....
THEN I might have to buy a new vehicle. Good thing I have been saving............
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 37,781
A man is going skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.
The man goes up in the airplane and waits to get to the proper altitude. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.
Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver, by this time scared out of his wits, yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"
The man goes up in the airplane and waits to get to the proper altitude. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.
Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver, by this time scared out of his wits, yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Two AA members died!!!! Then, they went to hell.
.....after a period of time, the Devil called God:
The Devil: God, two people arrived here and opened an AA meeting,
and I don't like it; I want to send them to heaven.
God: No, if they went to hell, there must be a reason for that. Keep
them there.
The Devil got really mad and hung up.
A few weeks later, the Devil called God back:
Devil: God, there are 7 AA groups here with 30 unfortunate souls in
each group. I want to send everybody to heaven. Now!
God: I told you, there must be a reason for that (and he hung up).
After 2 months, the Devil was totally furious and he called God again.
Devil: God, there is an darned Area now and they are talking about having a
spiritual retreat, what the heck is that?
God: Go to the group and find out what it's about (and he hung up).
After 3 months, God had not received any calls from the Devil
and he started to worry.
By the 4th month, God decided to call the Devil tosee how things were going:
Devil: Help Line of Alcoholics Anonymous, this is the Devil, an alcoholic
in recovery. How can I help you?
.....after a period of time, the Devil called God:
The Devil: God, two people arrived here and opened an AA meeting,
and I don't like it; I want to send them to heaven.
God: No, if they went to hell, there must be a reason for that. Keep
them there.
The Devil got really mad and hung up.
A few weeks later, the Devil called God back:
Devil: God, there are 7 AA groups here with 30 unfortunate souls in
each group. I want to send everybody to heaven. Now!
God: I told you, there must be a reason for that (and he hung up).
After 2 months, the Devil was totally furious and he called God again.
Devil: God, there is an darned Area now and they are talking about having a
spiritual retreat, what the heck is that?
God: Go to the group and find out what it's about (and he hung up).
After 3 months, God had not received any calls from the Devil
and he started to worry.
By the 4th month, God decided to call the Devil tosee how things were going:
Devil: Help Line of Alcoholics Anonymous, this is the Devil, an alcoholic
in recovery. How can I help you?
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