What was your worst memory,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
What was your worst memory,
while drinking/using.
Share your memories.
Were you in jail, or the hospital?
What have you losted?
What was your bottom?
What's it like now? Share your recovery stories.
Sharing all of this with a friend, new to recovery. She feels so alone and thinks she's the only one. Just picked her up from jail. She has lost her husband. Has no where to live at he monment and was fired from her job, when they found out she was in the county jail.
Shared with her all about my experiences. Shared the shame and still the remorse. Offering much encouragement, strenth and hope. Taking her to an AA meeting tonight. Told her about this great site, hopefully she will join.
Share your memories.
Were you in jail, or the hospital?
What have you losted?
What was your bottom?
What's it like now? Share your recovery stories.
Sharing all of this with a friend, new to recovery. She feels so alone and thinks she's the only one. Just picked her up from jail. She has lost her husband. Has no where to live at he monment and was fired from her job, when they found out she was in the county jail.
Shared with her all about my experiences. Shared the shame and still the remorse. Offering much encouragement, strenth and hope. Taking her to an AA meeting tonight. Told her about this great site, hopefully she will join.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
As each day passes I move forward... and I move further away from the person I used to be.
While I never want to forget that it was once very bad... lol... I'm not going to try and remember details.
What's it like now? Share your recovery stories...
Let's just say that at one point I took mind altering drugs to feel the way I feel right now, clean & sober.
Life is good, life is GREAT...
While I never want to forget that it was once very bad... lol... I'm not going to try and remember details.
What's it like now? Share your recovery stories...
Let's just say that at one point I took mind altering drugs to feel the way I feel right now, clean & sober.
Life is good, life is GREAT...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
I had many many many good times drinking and being drunk. I loved the feeling, the experiences, and the outcome even when I blacked out, did crazy things, and got sick.
After a very rough and rocky start (from about 1976 till about 1988, I either threatened my very life and/or got into some legal troubles and was dependent on other people...aka parents), I somehow managed to arrange my life around drinking and did so pretty successfully without stop from about 1988 till about 1993 or 1994.
Since then, I had been struggling to get and stay sober... inside of A.A. mostly, until January 9th, 2004. I've been a recovered alcoholic since shortly thereafter.
My last drunks were some of the worst physically, mentally, and I guess you could say spiritually. My complete and utter inability to control my drinking and to stay stopped was pathetic in the end.
The drama of being sick, inside or outside of a hospital or jail cell, was not necessarily a bad memory. I've found nurses, doctors, counselors, and yes, probation officers, lawyers, judges, DAs and cops to be very loving and kind to me... sometimes it seems they understood me better than my own family.
My wife told me that if I went back to drinking, she would leave. So I hid my drinking from her. But when I got thrown in jail and had to make that "phone call", I called her. I was crying too hard to even say anything. I was in much of a blackout that night, but I do remember a very small part of that stint. My wife later told me that the cops talked to her first and really tried to butter her up. They said I was extremely sick and depressed and they were quite sure I wanted to die... by the mere huge consumption of alcohol if nothing else... they basically begged her to talk to me and they told her how "nice" and "compliant" I was being.
That's what she told me! I don't really remember any of this. All I remember was telling her, "I'm drunk! Are you going to leave me?" And she said, "No, just get sobered up. You stay the night there and we'll talk in the morning." Then I guess I told the cops what she said.
I was pathetic. But it wasn't my worst memory.
Some of my dry-heaves the next morning were pretty tough. Having my FIL tell me what a piece of kwrap I was after one of my last benders was no fun. Making amends to him for it was pretty ok though.
Wrecking my Nova and getting my 2nd DUI after I had started back drinking after about 6 or 8 months off booze was sort of a low spot for me. I wanted to die then, sort of. I felt like a piece of pounded--whale-kwrap-loser... and maybe I was.
But... here's the neat part; you can take all of that garbajjjj, and if you're willing to try the A.A. Program or some other recovery that may suit you, and put at least one-half the zeal into it as you did getting another drink (if booze was your thing), then you can make all that stuff your very useful Foundation in Recovery and never ever look back on the old behaviors/memories except in it's usefulness in the Step work and passing your experiences in recovery on.
Today I'm a recovered alcoholic and the A.A. program, aka doing the steps with a healthy group in my case, enabled me to get that way.
After a very rough and rocky start (from about 1976 till about 1988, I either threatened my very life and/or got into some legal troubles and was dependent on other people...aka parents), I somehow managed to arrange my life around drinking and did so pretty successfully without stop from about 1988 till about 1993 or 1994.
Since then, I had been struggling to get and stay sober... inside of A.A. mostly, until January 9th, 2004. I've been a recovered alcoholic since shortly thereafter.
My last drunks were some of the worst physically, mentally, and I guess you could say spiritually. My complete and utter inability to control my drinking and to stay stopped was pathetic in the end.
The drama of being sick, inside or outside of a hospital or jail cell, was not necessarily a bad memory. I've found nurses, doctors, counselors, and yes, probation officers, lawyers, judges, DAs and cops to be very loving and kind to me... sometimes it seems they understood me better than my own family.
My wife told me that if I went back to drinking, she would leave. So I hid my drinking from her. But when I got thrown in jail and had to make that "phone call", I called her. I was crying too hard to even say anything. I was in much of a blackout that night, but I do remember a very small part of that stint. My wife later told me that the cops talked to her first and really tried to butter her up. They said I was extremely sick and depressed and they were quite sure I wanted to die... by the mere huge consumption of alcohol if nothing else... they basically begged her to talk to me and they told her how "nice" and "compliant" I was being.
That's what she told me! I don't really remember any of this. All I remember was telling her, "I'm drunk! Are you going to leave me?" And she said, "No, just get sobered up. You stay the night there and we'll talk in the morning." Then I guess I told the cops what she said.
I was pathetic. But it wasn't my worst memory.
Some of my dry-heaves the next morning were pretty tough. Having my FIL tell me what a piece of kwrap I was after one of my last benders was no fun. Making amends to him for it was pretty ok though.
Wrecking my Nova and getting my 2nd DUI after I had started back drinking after about 6 or 8 months off booze was sort of a low spot for me. I wanted to die then, sort of. I felt like a piece of pounded--whale-kwrap-loser... and maybe I was.
But... here's the neat part; you can take all of that garbajjjj, and if you're willing to try the A.A. Program or some other recovery that may suit you, and put at least one-half the zeal into it as you did getting another drink (if booze was your thing), then you can make all that stuff your very useful Foundation in Recovery and never ever look back on the old behaviors/memories except in it's usefulness in the Step work and passing your experiences in recovery on.
Today I'm a recovered alcoholic and the A.A. program, aka doing the steps with a healthy group in my case, enabled me to get that way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
When i took a drink.......it fired something in me which rendered me unable to stop drinking more..and more...and more.
When i wasn't drinking i was consumed with thinking about drinking..and not the most pleasant of people to be around...
i was drinking since early teens......till eight & half years ago....im 43 nearly.
i went to the streets.........hospitals.......jails....and mental health units.
For years.
I dont remember a "all time" rock bottom............for me there were a few.
A honest desire to end my life......springs to mind but Ive felt like that sober.
Eventually after sitting in AA and waiting for something to happen...and it didnt...!!
i was approached by someone that explained to me why i kept returning to the old game......why i felt suicidal sober..
he explain to me that he felt like me.....until he found the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous....a solution to the problems between my ears.
that programme and god keep me sane today.......they also keeps me sober.
i am free at last......................trucker
When i wasn't drinking i was consumed with thinking about drinking..and not the most pleasant of people to be around...
i was drinking since early teens......till eight & half years ago....im 43 nearly.
i went to the streets.........hospitals.......jails....and mental health units.
For years.
I dont remember a "all time" rock bottom............for me there were a few.
A honest desire to end my life......springs to mind but Ive felt like that sober.
Eventually after sitting in AA and waiting for something to happen...and it didnt...!!
i was approached by someone that explained to me why i kept returning to the old game......why i felt suicidal sober..
he explain to me that he felt like me.....until he found the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous....a solution to the problems between my ears.
that programme and god keep me sane today.......they also keeps me sober.
i am free at last......................trucker
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
My worst memories are the ones i do not remember because i was in a blackout. i have no way of dealing with what i did or who i hurt except to pray that God restores those memories to me. Everything else is what is is, what i do with it today matters more than when it occured. It all brought me to this point in time and for that, i am grateful.
Thank you for helping that newcomer!!!!
Thank you for helping that newcomer!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
I don't have any "stories" that were my bottom. It was just a sick feeling in my gut of guilt/shame/uselessness/lonliness or whatever you want to call it. A gaping void in my soul and the booze and drugs were no longer working to fill it.
I have many moments of euphoric recall about how much fun I was having at a point in time and was good at first. But over time I got to that place of fear and desperation and somehow stumbled into recovery. Still not sure how it clicked right to get me here either.
I have many moments of euphoric recall about how much fun I was having at a point in time and was good at first. But over time I got to that place of fear and desperation and somehow stumbled into recovery. Still not sure how it clicked right to get me here either.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please have your friend check out....
Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I'm so pleased that she is seeking sobriety
I too found mine in the program of AA
Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I'm so pleased that she is seeking sobriety
I too found mine in the program of AA
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
When I realised that being locked up mad homeless was a feint second to the prison I caged myself in
At times my heart soars like the eagles I see from my house, these time far outsrip the buckets of drugs I consumed daily.
The freedom from the bondage of self today is exhilarating, sometimes to the point where it is almost unbearble and my dis ease tries to sabotage it, but today I have love around me and in me and hope is always alive.
At times my heart soars like the eagles I see from my house, these time far outsrip the buckets of drugs I consumed daily.
The freedom from the bondage of self today is exhilarating, sometimes to the point where it is almost unbearble and my dis ease tries to sabotage it, but today I have love around me and in me and hope is always alive.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Orlando Florida
Posts: 220
April 7, 2009. The end of a three week 24/7 blackout binge. Cold Turkey Detox by myself at home. Shaking. Sweating. Nausea and vomiting from internal bleeding. Fever. Dry skin and lips. Dehydration. Headache. Auditory Hallucinations. Rapid Pounding Heart. Liver Damage. Insomnia (5 days w/ no sleep). Loss of appetite (didn't eat for 5 days). Anxiety. Depression. Despair. Lonliness. Fear and Paranoia. Restlessness. Disorientation. Confusion. Night Terrors.
All simultaneously. All 10's on a scale of 1 to 10 w/ 10 being the worst imaginable. A complete Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Beat Down of the severest magnitude. The damage I did to myself was enormous.
I had no idea humans could endure such suffering and live to tell about it. Unless you have actually been at this Alcoholic Rock Bottom you simply do not know what it means. Many Alcoholics committ suicide. While I have never been suicidal I now understand exactly where that comes from.
My desparate plea was "God don't let me die like this. I don't care where you take me as long as it isn't here".
All simultaneously. All 10's on a scale of 1 to 10 w/ 10 being the worst imaginable. A complete Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Beat Down of the severest magnitude. The damage I did to myself was enormous.
I had no idea humans could endure such suffering and live to tell about it. Unless you have actually been at this Alcoholic Rock Bottom you simply do not know what it means. Many Alcoholics committ suicide. While I have never been suicidal I now understand exactly where that comes from.
My desparate plea was "God don't let me die like this. I don't care where you take me as long as it isn't here".
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 118
The worst? That's like asking what the worst war was. Does it really matter? The bodies are stacked high in every case.
The period when I treated my mother-in-law like doo-doo for two weeks straight even though she hadn't seen my wife in over a year is extremely embarrassing, but it's not the worst. My mother-in-law was so cool. I'll always regret ruining that relationship, almost as much as I regret destroying my marriage.
Divorce? Check.
Being shoved into a cell with a murderer who greeted me with the words, "Welcome to hell" was no fun.
Jail? Check.
The time I let a trade ride overnight and woke up MUCH poorer in the morning kind of sucked. Hid it from my wife for months (that sucked bad). When she found out, that just totally sucked.
Financial ruin? Check.
Did I mention divorce?
I could go on and on, but you should get the point by now. Hell and back and back to Hell again is the natural course of our disease.
The period when I treated my mother-in-law like doo-doo for two weeks straight even though she hadn't seen my wife in over a year is extremely embarrassing, but it's not the worst. My mother-in-law was so cool. I'll always regret ruining that relationship, almost as much as I regret destroying my marriage.
Divorce? Check.
Being shoved into a cell with a murderer who greeted me with the words, "Welcome to hell" was no fun.
Jail? Check.
The time I let a trade ride overnight and woke up MUCH poorer in the morning kind of sucked. Hid it from my wife for months (that sucked bad). When she found out, that just totally sucked.
Financial ruin? Check.
Did I mention divorce?
I could go on and on, but you should get the point by now. Hell and back and back to Hell again is the natural course of our disease.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NW Ohio
Posts: 164
Hospital, treatment, psych, suicidal, depression, jail, loss of job, possible loss of professional license......
All of this was last year! But I got thru it. I now have 13 months clean/sober, still don't have a job, but found out last week that I am NOT going to lose my professional license. I still have hoops to jump thru, but after last year......I can do it!
I came very close to losing my family, too, but thank God I didn't.
All of this was last year! But I got thru it. I now have 13 months clean/sober, still don't have a job, but found out last week that I am NOT going to lose my professional license. I still have hoops to jump thru, but after last year......I can do it!
I came very close to losing my family, too, but thank God I didn't.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Classical 
This thread should be retitled: The Survivors Thread.
It's scary, but inspiring and encouraging and educational and a strong reminder of where we do NOT want to be. I'm so proud of everyone here. This is what I call a real support group.
Warren
It's scary, but inspiring and encouraging and educational and a strong reminder of where we do NOT want to be. I'm so proud of everyone here. This is what I call a real support group.
Warren
--
Thank you all for sharing, it is a great reminder of the impact that that first drink (alcoholism) can have on us & others in our life.
NB
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by SurviveIt
I could go on and on, but you should get the point by now. Hell and back and back to Hell again is the natural course of our disease.
After reading these posts, I can confidently say my sobriety will be firmly intact on Monday morning. Thank you to everyone who opened up about their often desperate struggles. SR has helped me get sober for 39 days, and it will help me get through this weekend. You're heroes to me. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: appleton, WI
Posts: 65
none
i haven't a single good memory from my 10 year drinking binge unless you count waking up every single morning, hungover, ashamed, sometimes unsure of where i was, being morbidly appologetic to friends/family, losing about
%99.9 of all the trust i gained in a lot of really good people and generally just feeling like a loathesome bottom feeder every day. aside from all that...yeah alcohol has been a real hoot! alcoholism is just as insidious as alzheimer's, cancer, AIDS...you name it. It's done nothing but destroy my life. i can only pray (and go to meetings/work the steps) that i have the will to never drink again.
%99.9 of all the trust i gained in a lot of really good people and generally just feeling like a loathesome bottom feeder every day. aside from all that...yeah alcohol has been a real hoot! alcoholism is just as insidious as alzheimer's, cancer, AIDS...you name it. It's done nothing but destroy my life. i can only pray (and go to meetings/work the steps) that i have the will to never drink again.
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