grateful4me

I am very concerned for the fate of our relationship. I decided for the sake of our relationship that I should quit drinking also which believe me I was on my way to a big problem with alcohol too. He has 40 days sober and I have 41 days -- he drank the morning he went into rehab. We have spent every night together other than the 14 days of rehab where I visited when I was allowed. While drinking we had some pretty bad times and arguments a lot started by me. I released a lot of anger when I drank for about the past year. He is now concerned and worried about my behaviors from that time. I know that when you go through rehab you are not suppose to be in a relationship for a year but what if you are already in a relationship when you get sober. I love this guy and we have been dating on and off from 22 years. I am 39 and you can do the math on that. He says he loves me but the signals are not there all the time. . . I guess my question is . . . what is he going through with all of this and how should I handle it. I attend AA meetings usually with him and I am looking to get involved in some on my own. He has 3 weeks left of his Intensive Outpatient. I have a tendency of being very co-dependent which I am working on with my therapist and through ready. Any comment is very welcome . . . thank you!

NewBeginning010

Sorry this got through without a reply, I am glad to hear that you are both working together to get well.

It might be good if you were both able to see a counselor that is experienced in recovery.

It is a tough time for relationships but I don't think everyone has to give their partner up as long as they can support each other in their recovery.

All of the best

NB

Anna

I think it's great that both of you are beginning a sober life.

It's also good that you are talking to a therapist.

My only advice is to focus on yourself and your sobriety. That's all you can do. Hopefully things will work out with your relationship.

tommyk

Both of you being sober sure raises the odds of staying together, right?

No one can tell you what is going to happen, make the most of it, enjoy the ride.

NoelleR

I'm not going to get into your specific 'relationship' probs/questions, but I did want to clarify this..................:

"...I know that when you go through rehab you are not suppose to be in a relationship for a year but what if you are already in a relationship when you get sober..."

The deal with relationships in early the first year is actually....: no NEW relationships {and this would include no breaking up [as this would be a 'new' relationship (none)]} in the first year. HOWEVER, the original line went like this...........: no major changes in early recovery. ...for me this means ...... don't make any changes.....MAJOR.....like, don't make mountains outta molehills..... (o:


NoelleR

SillyBilly

I can't offer you any advice at this stage, I just want to welcome you to the board

:ghug3

Well done. You have no idea how much this means to your partner, even if he doesn't say so. And doing so is helping his recovery just as much as anything else. Good stuff!

Just need to quote you both there. This is just my personal opinion, but I disagree. My recovery is a little different, h3ll every bodies is, but I believe early recovery is when you need to make the most changes! It's harder to do, but easier at the same time. I'll explain.

Your already going through so much when you stop drinking/doing drugs whatever, so the wheels are already in motion. Why not grease them up and chuck a few more passengers in for the ride? Why not load your trunk up with it all and get it all sorted NOW? Why wait?

When you're already going through serious change, it's easier to keep going and keep changing/improving.
If you get clean first, then settle and focus ONLY on recovery for a long time, it's going to make it that much harder to make other necessary changes down the track. You might look back and say to yourself, "I wish I did (insert anything here) back then aswell"


My 2c.

grateful4me

Thank you everyone. . . it seems to be going a little better as I am working on myself and some of my control issues and allowing him to work on himself without my input unless asked or possibly a suggestion here and there.

It is nice being sober because I arguments are not bad and overly emotional as with alcohol and after a night of sleep they seem to work themselves out!

NoelleR -- I do have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills LOL! So, thanks for pointing that out, much appreciated!