Anna

I think being patient is a good idea. And, focus on what you can do to make the relationship better.

Gypsy Feet

well, I guess I have to be the voice of doom haha. I left my marriage years before we got sober. We were giving it another shot, we have both been sober almost 6 months, and it's just not going to work. There are huge issues with codependency that I can work on til the cows come home, but it takes two. My plan was not to make any big changes for my first year sober, but I will be moving out on my own as soon as I can afford it, because that is what is best for me.
Work on your sobriety first. If you are lucky, she will do al anon or counseling or something to meet you part of the way back.

C23

Everyone,

Thank you for your advice and I believe I know what route we will take. It is obvious I need to remember just how long it was that I did the damage to the relationship and I can't think that will all go away in a couple of weeks. I also imagine that the more she realizes I am for real this time, the closer we will get again, both emotionally as well as physically. I am going to work on the communication as well as the counseling. We are getting an apt to speak to a specialist who might be just the liason we need. I will keep everyone updated and again thank you for the advice. Let's keep doing this sobriety thing together, eh?

Chris

c49

About 5 years ago I began drinking lots to numb out my anger to my wife. It worked until 3 years ago when I started to feel like garbage. I began quitting then.

When I did quit long term, I saw the distance that you are speaking of. Things are good now but I'd say it took about as much effort to stay sober on planet Earth as it did to get back to being married again.

There are more issues to marriage than just drinking. My wife thought everything would be fixed if I gave it up drinking too.

Autumn77

Counseling will help to address some of the anger she seems to be carrying over from your drinking days. I find that in my relationship, we have to make time to be with each other, to spend time w/o kids and household concerns; to "Woo" each other. Plus 2 weeks isn't that long of a time, nothing happens over night. I believe that for most of us drinking and drugs are not so much our problem as a symptom to our deeper issues, if that makes sense. So we use to avoid dealing with those issues, or seeing them for how they truly are.