Some advice that I hope will help those early on and others as well
 

I have 8 months sober. Lately, with summer coming and stuff stress in my life I have felt the urge to drink.

When I quit drinking, i had started writing in a journal. And I put it down and did not write for a really long time. I recently started again.

Let me tell you, I read the entry from the day after my first sober day on 10/12. And just reading that alone makes me recall how horrible I felt and is a real deterrant to drinking again. seeing my feelings in writing helps me remember all that more. I am grateful for it.

I am going to suggest to those of you still really early on and some that aren't even -write down those moments where you felt so horrible after drinking, your feelings, anything that will make you look back and reflect and realize how bad you felt when you drank.

Here is some of what I wrote - "I don't know if I can feel any worse about myself than I do now. Blacked out and woke up clueless. I hate that I am even writing this, it makes me sick and sad. I hate myself now for it".

And from an earlier exerpt - "I blew it. Drank last night and feel like crap this morning. I feel sick and I am depressed to the extreme. This is what I have to remember when I want a drink again! so said today, all because I drank".

These are from September and October yet when I read them the feelings are there. It has been so helpful.

Just a bit of advice. Hopefully it can help! :ghug3

Re-reading your journal is a great way to get some perspective.

I know there have been times in recovery when I felt like was standing still and that I hadn;t accomplished much. But, I still have vivid memories of how I felt when I was drinking, and that helps me to know that I have come a long way. Of course, the recovery journey is ongoing, but knowing that you have come this far, can help to keep it real for you.

I really wanna do this, i've tried a few times.

Problem is I get so shameful of the way i feel, sober or not that always after a few entrys I never even wanna think about the honesty i've sprawled across the pages and just wanna burn it and make it go away.

It's good advice tho and I will give it another go.

Great idea, I hope it catches on. :)

Thanks tommyk. I just read some it and I was like wow, I so don't want to be there again. written by my own depressed guilty hand. Makes it all more real.

i know exactly how you feel. i dont want to think of how humiliated i feel even thinking of what stupid, selfish things that i've done while on a bender. it makes me feel sick, i just want to not think about it.

I began my rrecovery journal with the 4 days
of my miserable dangerous de tox.....:eek:

I read it each day before I added an entry.
A great way for me to remember I never have to do that again
:)

Thanks for sharing....well done on your sober time....:funjump:

I keep a journal too. It is a really good tool. I started it a year before I quit drinking. I can look back and see where I was fooling myself about things. When a couple of rather bad things happened when I was still drinking, I wrote nonchalantly, as if nothing was wrong. Looking back now I think, wow, that was really bad and I was SO in denial!
It is also great to see how I felt when I first quit: those first few months I was so grateful for so much.
And, I am still grateful, every day...

I wish I'd written down how I felt my last time. I was in terrible shape & pleading for another chance at life - but writing it down didn't even occur to me (plus I probably couldn't have held the pen!). Maybe I'll write down what I can remember now, since the memories do fade with time. I do have my thread from here to refer to, & that'll help. The summertime triggers are bothering me right now. Thank you.

I wish I would've kept a journal while I was drinking. Would've been interesting (although probably a bit embarrassing) to go back and read it. Thing is, I don't know if I'd wanna read every detail of it, but I'm sure it would be helpful in maintaining my sobriety.

I have written while drinking before, and at the time it seemed good, but when I went back and read it it was just nonsensical babble.

I totally agree that a journal is very helpful. Not only does it remind me of the "morning after" feelings, but also illuminates the little daily victories and my sense of accomplishment. It has also been useful to look at entries when I'm feeling shaky and then the pride I feel for not succumbing and the realization that however low I may be feeling, it DOES pass, and I am that much stronger.

Thank you!:c011:

bsst...

What courage! Some AA sponsors use this as a tool for the first step in AA...

Congrats on 8 months!!!! :nyz

Keep up the excellent work, and thanks for sharing your experience, strength,

and hope here.

Sher