My Fiancee left me, she is still in love with me
Bigred7
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 12
My Fiancee left me, she is still in love with me
I am in early recovery from blackout alcoholic episods.
My Ex Fiancee is having extreme difficulty. For the first week out I was unable to contact her as we both work together. We have been with each other for two years. We have a very special love for each other. My last blackout caused me to strike her. Very upsetting. I never was a violent person in my past. I have been through two marriages and she has been throgugh three. Both of my ex wives were Bi-Polar. The last one severe where she tried to committ suicide 3 times. She has had abusive relationships in the past and I was the last straw.
Last week she asked me over to her apartment (She moved out of our dwelling). We were to be married this year in October. She continues to tell me she is so very much in Love with me and I know this to be true. I am so in Love with her. Now nothing I say can help. She does not want any help from me. We do talk and have dinner and I attend AA meetings. She is alone in this city and has no friends. Her family is 3000 miles away. She says all the support is for me and she has none. She has a lot of Alanon experience. She is so devistated and does not want me to be out of her life however she does not want me to live with her any more. I stay positive and my alcohol addiction was compounded by having a gastic by-pass surgery 5 years ago. So anytime I drink I blackout and become angry. I have had a lot of mental stress problems this year, new relationship with a normal person who does not need to be fixed. I was always the fixer. I became Compulsively Obssessed with her. I was always right and never wrong. I realize all this now and I also am seeing a therapist. She does not. We have made Love everyday and that is for both of us the most beautiful part of our world. We spiritually connect. She is so down on herself now and is struggling. I want to spend the rest of my life happy with her. I am doing all the programs for me to make it so. I am not a bad person but when I drink, I become very bad. She is so scared that could happen again and I do understand. I have crushed this womans dreams and hopes and I am so ashamed and depressed about it myself. I admitt all fault in this. She wonders why I did it. She was always telling me to stop and I do not believe she understands the nature of the alcohol destroying all thought process. Wow, what a story. Any thoughts?
My Ex Fiancee is having extreme difficulty. For the first week out I was unable to contact her as we both work together. We have been with each other for two years. We have a very special love for each other. My last blackout caused me to strike her. Very upsetting. I never was a violent person in my past. I have been through two marriages and she has been throgugh three. Both of my ex wives were Bi-Polar. The last one severe where she tried to committ suicide 3 times. She has had abusive relationships in the past and I was the last straw.
Last week she asked me over to her apartment (She moved out of our dwelling). We were to be married this year in October. She continues to tell me she is so very much in Love with me and I know this to be true. I am so in Love with her. Now nothing I say can help. She does not want any help from me. We do talk and have dinner and I attend AA meetings. She is alone in this city and has no friends. Her family is 3000 miles away. She says all the support is for me and she has none. She has a lot of Alanon experience. She is so devistated and does not want me to be out of her life however she does not want me to live with her any more. I stay positive and my alcohol addiction was compounded by having a gastic by-pass surgery 5 years ago. So anytime I drink I blackout and become angry. I have had a lot of mental stress problems this year, new relationship with a normal person who does not need to be fixed. I was always the fixer. I became Compulsively Obssessed with her. I was always right and never wrong. I realize all this now and I also am seeing a therapist. She does not. We have made Love everyday and that is for both of us the most beautiful part of our world. We spiritually connect. She is so down on herself now and is struggling. I want to spend the rest of my life happy with her. I am doing all the programs for me to make it so. I am not a bad person but when I drink, I become very bad. She is so scared that could happen again and I do understand. I have crushed this womans dreams and hopes and I am so ashamed and depressed about it myself. I admitt all fault in this. She wonders why I did it. She was always telling me to stop and I do not believe she understands the nature of the alcohol destroying all thought process. Wow, what a story. Any thoughts?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
you mentioned meetings....
did you get a sponsor..........a big book and start working through the steps with the sponsor?
there is a program of recovery laid out in that book........for me it was the solution.
i thought id stay sober by just going to meetings and it didnt work...
id be interested to know.....................trucker.
did you get a sponsor..........a big book and start working through the steps with the sponsor?
there is a program of recovery laid out in that book........for me it was the solution.
i thought id stay sober by just going to meetings and it didnt work...
id be interested to know.....................trucker.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi and Welcome,
I understand that it is very difficult to see that you are losing this relationship. To be completely honest, I think your ex-fiancee is doing the right thing by staying away from you. Violence is unacceptable, no matter what the reason and she needs to take care of herself.
Of course, you are not a bad person, you have a disease. I am glad that you are taking care of your alcoholism and seeking help. Hopefully your ex will do the same.
I understand that it is very difficult to see that you are losing this relationship. To be completely honest, I think your ex-fiancee is doing the right thing by staying away from you. Violence is unacceptable, no matter what the reason and she needs to take care of herself.
Of course, you are not a bad person, you have a disease. I am glad that you are taking care of your alcoholism and seeking help. Hopefully your ex will do the same.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Red, work the program for you, what she does is out of your hands, take the steps to heart with a sponsor, apply them to all areas of your life, continue to work with your therapist, it is crucial that you be brutally honest with your self, lovingly honest with your fiance, and totally honest with your therapist.
What will be will be, the only thing or person you will discover you have ANY control over is your self, accept that you have no control over what your fiance does or decides.
What will be will be, the only thing or person you will discover you have ANY control over is your self, accept that you have no control over what your fiance does or decides.
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
Welcome to a wonderful community of help and support!!
Deal with first things first and the rest of your problems will become apparent.
For me, i didn't have to get 'blind drunk' to know i was totally screwing up my life. Everytime i took a drink or put a drug into my body, i was already closing my eyes to the gift of life. i pursued my addictions right up to the gates of death many times over. Thank God He had a better way of living for me to enjoy once i stopped trying to kill myself and started asking for help. i found out about that better way to live in the fellowship of recovering addicts and alcoholics. It was actually a relief to stop trying to run my own life and follow direction so i could find a solution!
Deal with first things first and the rest of your problems will become apparent.
For me, i didn't have to get 'blind drunk' to know i was totally screwing up my life. Everytime i took a drink or put a drug into my body, i was already closing my eyes to the gift of life. i pursued my addictions right up to the gates of death many times over. Thank God He had a better way of living for me to enjoy once i stopped trying to kill myself and started asking for help. i found out about that better way to live in the fellowship of recovering addicts and alcoholics. It was actually a relief to stop trying to run my own life and follow direction so i could find a solution!
Bigred7
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 12
Thank you, Just feel so bad for what I have destroyed. Have slim chance of getting her back but as I write, I know it will never be the same. With the grace of God and his wisdom, I can be a better person.
Thank you
Thank you
Bigred7
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 12
Awsome words. I hear and know the meaning. Just very hard to let her go. She is having same problem. I have been asked to go to Concert with her tomorrow night. I also was invited to spend another night with her tonite. I Love her.
TY
TY
Bigred7
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 12
Yes, I have sponsor, comleted first step, going to meetings every day, I am 23 days clean. We had so many plans, so much hopem, and I see that I have destroyed what we had. She is still in love with me, has moved out, but wants me over nightly. It is so painful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
I was hard work to live with in very early recovery.
My now wife and i lived separately for a while........she had got bored of babysitting me.
She needed a break and i dont blame her........BUT she loved me and wanted it to work out.
Thats the point......she still loved me.. when every one else gave me a wide berth...
It done me good......taught me to stand on my two feet and look after myself...
We married in the end and now live happy contented lives together...in the same house.
She was sick of my drinking and tired of my moaning in early recovery and needed a break......
looking back i dont blame her one bit ...i was one royal pain in the backside.
Once i reached the point in recovery when i found that the world didn't revolve around me....i understood.
She still loves you.......that is a gift........and if you are anything i like i was in early recovery its a miracle.
trucker
My now wife and i lived separately for a while........she had got bored of babysitting me.
She needed a break and i dont blame her........BUT she loved me and wanted it to work out.
Thats the point......she still loved me.. when every one else gave me a wide berth...
It done me good......taught me to stand on my two feet and look after myself...
We married in the end and now live happy contented lives together...in the same house.
She was sick of my drinking and tired of my moaning in early recovery and needed a break......
looking back i dont blame her one bit ...i was one royal pain in the backside.
Once i reached the point in recovery when i found that the world didn't revolve around me....i understood.
She still loves you.......that is a gift........and if you are anything i like i was in early recovery its a miracle.
trucker
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
I posted on the other thread Big..
Welcome to SR!
And I am glad you are in the program. Try to focus on your recovery, and yourself
as best you can. It is your best bet for success for now.
Welcome to SR!
And I am glad you are in the program. Try to focus on your recovery, and yourself
as best you can. It is your best bet for success for now.
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