firestorm090

It's 4am and I'm awake, it's June in CA and I'm chilled to the bone, guess my body is all out of whack due to coming off the booze. Yesterday was a good day, but today my head is pounding again, maybe I need some coffee.

I'm abit scared for today because I have a commitment to do a small repair job at the home of a guy where I've drank a few times. I told him I want to sober up and enjoy the summer, but in the back of my mind I feel on edge about fulfilling this commitment. It would be nice to do a good job for this guy and make a few bucks on the side, but it's kinda like walking into the lion's den with a huge gash on my forehead, filling the air with the scent of the kill. I don't know if I can do this and it's too late to back out, because I've already scheduled to pick up another guy to help today and he is counting on the work. I'm going to try to just buck up and get the job done, so I wanted to post here to start off right. I'll be hanging on by my fingertips, so I hope down deep there may be some strength still in there to help me pull this off without a drink. Today is day three and I'd love to have day four tomorrow. Wish me luck.

I mentioned this to my sponsor yesterday and he told me sometimes we have to do what we have to do, but it's a bad idea. Gosh, that didn't help me much at all. I know he can't hold my hand, and he's kinda ugly anyway, so I don't want him to, but this is a slippery situation. Hope I don't fall on my butt again.

Off topic, why is it that when there's a fly in my house that has the whole house to buzz around in, the only place it wants to land is on the top of my bald head? Geez, I want to smash this guy, where's that flyswatter?

Gypsy Feet

D, go back and read your old post. You have amazing strength and courage, just believe it!

Tazman53

Firestorm, I assume you have a cell phone with your sponsors number in it along with some other folks in AA number, be prepared to use it!

Say a prayer before you get out of your car, you are never alone unless you want to be and I bet you do not want to be right now or then.

Say the serenity prayer VERY VERY slowly..... think about each word and each line.

You are not alone and you do not have to ever drink again unless you decide to.

Be prepared to leave if you have to, keep staying sober number one, if things get really tough take a break!

coffeenut

You know Right Now if that job is going to have you 'fall on your butt'......

Day 4 IS possible. But, you gotta make it happen.

p.s.....I so agree with the fly thing!

shaun00

you said.................."I feel on edge about fulfilling this commitment. It would be nice to do a good job for this guy and make a few bucks on the side, but it's kinda like walking into the lion's den with a huge gash on my forehead, filling the air with the scent of the kill"

your vunerable.....your just off a bender.......the guy drinks and you have drank with him.....

i respectfully disagree with your sponsor and some of the replys.

if there is a risk......eliminate that risk and dont go......its never too late.

if are unsure......dont take the risk it just aint worth it.

explain to the guy that you feel vunerable...maybe do it in the future?.

can you guarantee your survive another drink because i cant.

take care..........trucker

firestorm090

After thinking it through some more this morning, and journaling about the losses I've sustained due to drinking, I've decided there's no flipping way I'm drinking today. I can't handle any more loss. So, I'm going to suit up and show up, get the job done, get paid and roll on down the highway. I'm sick of booze, sick from booze and am tired of being sick. No job is worth a drink, no amount of money is worth a drink. I feel good today, not solid, more like a rubbery semblance of myself, but that's better than when drunk and stupid a couple days ago. I'm not caving in, if it takes everything I've got, I'm not caving today.

Thanks for helping me, you folks just saved my tail again. Man, I'm going to owe a huge debt here. In fact, I already do.

shaun00

great to hear you sound much more.........positive.

Maybe i got it wrong but your first post sounded fearful and vunerable.

hats off to you.

wanttolive

You can do this FS! If I could survive a graduation party yesterday with booze all over you can march in get the job done, collect your money and walk out with your head held high and no shame in your step!

laurie6781

Take a BIG container of Iced Tea, flavored water, soda, with you and keep it near at all times.

If invited to have a drink, simply hold up container, and you can say "No thanks, I'm fine." and go back to what you were doing.

You can do this D!!!! I know you can.

Make sure you have your cell phone handy, and make sure your sponsor's and other AA members numbers are in your contact list for easy access.

I am sure you will sail right through this, earn a few bucks, be able to go home and shower and eat and get your butt to a meeting, lol

Take care my friend.

Love and hugs,

firestorm090

Oops, where did that post go? I hit the wrong button, then whoosh, it was gone. Oh well, time to try again.

Trucker, my thanks button stopped working, so here's a personal sign of thanks-- oops, hit the wrong button again, lol. Just kidding, thanks for the help bro.

I made it through the day without a drink, did a good job and now the guy wants me to do a few more things. I just told him that I wasn't drinking today, and that's how it went. That seems to be a good approach to say if you want the job done right, then there's no drinking allowed, I like that approach.

I'm going to shower and hit the 6pm meeting, then come home and chill out till tomorrow. Looking forward to day 4, with a little help from my friends here at SR and the meeting tonight. Thanks a ton all, couldn't have done it without ya.