Advice on recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2
Advice on recovery
Hello-
My brother, who is 26, was just admitted into the hospital yesterday for hepatitis alcoholism of the liver. The doctors in the emergency room told him that if he continues drinking at the rate he has been, he will be dead by the time he is 28. They ran some tests and started him on a detox regimen. Unfortunately, my brother doesn't have health insurance and was admitted under "charity care." He was told last night that they were going to do a series of tests on his upper and lower GI tracts today as well as some additional blood work. This morning, an entirely different doctor came into his room and told him that the prognosis isn't as bad as they had originally thought...his liver will recover...but he can never drink again. They said they will keep him in the hospital for another day, but they aren't going to run anymore additional tests. As long as his enzyme levels are back to normal by tomorrow, they plan to release him with a bottle of Valium to help him complete the detox at home.
I am obviously nervous that this isn't going to do anything...he will likely start to feel better...stop taking the medication and start drinking again. Or, even worse, substitute one addiction for another. I think our best option is to get him to a primary care physician that can run a series of additional tests on him to evaluate the extent of the damage and then immediately check him into a 30-day or 60-day rehab program. But, I'm afraid that even this won't help to stop him from picking up the bottle again eventually.
My brother's first reaction to hearing the news from the doctor this morning about his condition not being as bad as they originally thought was, "See, I told you it isn't so bad...if I want to go have a beer at the football game someday with my buddies...I can do it if I want." Considering additional factors such as a history of alcoholism in our family, the fact that he has basically made a full-time career out of drinking (it is his lifestyle, or so he says, "I'm Irish, this is what I'm supposed to do!" and everyone he surrounds himself with drinks as well) I am not optimistic about his recovery. I know that he has to want to do this for himself and even if we send him into a rehab program or make him attend AA meetings, I'm not sure he will follow through.
I'm afraid that if we don't act now, it's going to be too late. And, I fear that even if we do act now, he's not going to want to get better and we can't force him into doing something that he isn't willing to do. I think I'm just feeling a little lost...and scared. I want so desperately to help him with this. I don't want my brother to drink himself to death by the age of 30. I feel as if I'm caught in a catch-22 situation and was hoping someone might have some advice as to what my best options are for helping him get better.
Thanks in advance for any advice...
My brother, who is 26, was just admitted into the hospital yesterday for hepatitis alcoholism of the liver. The doctors in the emergency room told him that if he continues drinking at the rate he has been, he will be dead by the time he is 28. They ran some tests and started him on a detox regimen. Unfortunately, my brother doesn't have health insurance and was admitted under "charity care." He was told last night that they were going to do a series of tests on his upper and lower GI tracts today as well as some additional blood work. This morning, an entirely different doctor came into his room and told him that the prognosis isn't as bad as they had originally thought...his liver will recover...but he can never drink again. They said they will keep him in the hospital for another day, but they aren't going to run anymore additional tests. As long as his enzyme levels are back to normal by tomorrow, they plan to release him with a bottle of Valium to help him complete the detox at home.
I am obviously nervous that this isn't going to do anything...he will likely start to feel better...stop taking the medication and start drinking again. Or, even worse, substitute one addiction for another. I think our best option is to get him to a primary care physician that can run a series of additional tests on him to evaluate the extent of the damage and then immediately check him into a 30-day or 60-day rehab program. But, I'm afraid that even this won't help to stop him from picking up the bottle again eventually.
My brother's first reaction to hearing the news from the doctor this morning about his condition not being as bad as they originally thought was, "See, I told you it isn't so bad...if I want to go have a beer at the football game someday with my buddies...I can do it if I want." Considering additional factors such as a history of alcoholism in our family, the fact that he has basically made a full-time career out of drinking (it is his lifestyle, or so he says, "I'm Irish, this is what I'm supposed to do!" and everyone he surrounds himself with drinks as well) I am not optimistic about his recovery. I know that he has to want to do this for himself and even if we send him into a rehab program or make him attend AA meetings, I'm not sure he will follow through.
I'm afraid that if we don't act now, it's going to be too late. And, I fear that even if we do act now, he's not going to want to get better and we can't force him into doing something that he isn't willing to do. I think I'm just feeling a little lost...and scared. I want so desperately to help him with this. I don't want my brother to drink himself to death by the age of 30. I feel as if I'm caught in a catch-22 situation and was hoping someone might have some advice as to what my best options are for helping him get better.
Thanks in advance for any advice...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2
Thanks tommyk. One of the things adding onto all of the anxiety surrounding this situation is the fact that I live in a different state and I can't be there with him everyday. He has his father (not my father), my mother and his wife to support him but I feel as if I have no control over who is enabling him to do what. My mother is a full-blown alcoholic and has been for years. In order for him to get better, she needs to get better as well. My mother completely enabled his addiction until he settled down with his wife. Since getting married, he has gotten a little better...he tried to cut his drinking down but his body has obviously gotten to the point to where he can't function without it...and now...he will die if he continues down this path.
He has a strong relationship with his wife and she is a fighter but I worry that she won't be able to handle it if he reverts back to his old ways (they haven't been together very long) and if that happens, he will have nowhere to go but back into the enabling situation with my mother since up until this point, he hasn't had the best of relationships with his father. Of course, I would do anything for him, including allowing him to live with my husband and I, if I thought it would help and I believed he was dedicated about getting himself better.
It's all so frustrating and I feel pretty helpless. I have no idea what is going through his mind right now. I hope and pray that this situation will serve as a wake up call to him and that this is the proverbial bottom.
He has a strong relationship with his wife and she is a fighter but I worry that she won't be able to handle it if he reverts back to his old ways (they haven't been together very long) and if that happens, he will have nowhere to go but back into the enabling situation with my mother since up until this point, he hasn't had the best of relationships with his father. Of course, I would do anything for him, including allowing him to live with my husband and I, if I thought it would help and I believed he was dedicated about getting himself better.
It's all so frustrating and I feel pretty helpless. I have no idea what is going through his mind right now. I hope and pray that this situation will serve as a wake up call to him and that this is the proverbial bottom.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Alabama,
Welcome to SR. I'm terribly sorry for the pain you are feeling over the reality of your brother's situation. I am not sure there are any words or appropriate suggestions that can help. Only your brother can decide his course of action and, in my experience, that happens in its own time. In a way, he is pretty definitively deciding his response right now, just by declining to respond with the kind of vigorous foward-thinking action.
I guess my reaction to him and my reaction to you are very different. His situation is uniquely his (although strikingly similar to many of us here). And your situation is uniquely yours.
To you, I want to say I am sorry for your pain. I want to encourage you to pray. I pray that your brother experiences an epiphany that his life is out of control, that he is powerless over alcohol, and that he desperately needs help. I pray that you are able to maintain your sense of self, as separate and distinct from your brother. And that your responses to your brother and his situation do not consume your own life. I pray that you are able to mourn and let go of the outcome.
To your brother, I would say that he is hurting everyone who loves him, including his mother. I would say that he is at a crossroads and he can choose now the difficult choice of saying yes to life (and experience through recovery an amazing renewal of his life) or he can say no to life and continue slowly committing suicide in front of everyone who loves him and mourns for him.
I encourage you to stay one step back from your brother and his choices and recognize that these are his choices and they do not need to consume your life. I admire your devotion to your brother and I hope you know that this devotion can best be expressed by not enabling him, and not getting sucked into his drama.
In a way, your brother is so sick, the real man he is is kind of lost inside him. ALL his actions and thoughts are about how to protect his addiction. Until he finds recovery, this is the case. I know this.
If I were you, I would also post in the Friends & Family Forum. It is very helpful in this kind of situation.
Again, welcome to SR and I hope you are able to find peace with your responses to your brother and his disease.
Welcome to SR. I'm terribly sorry for the pain you are feeling over the reality of your brother's situation. I am not sure there are any words or appropriate suggestions that can help. Only your brother can decide his course of action and, in my experience, that happens in its own time. In a way, he is pretty definitively deciding his response right now, just by declining to respond with the kind of vigorous foward-thinking action.
I guess my reaction to him and my reaction to you are very different. His situation is uniquely his (although strikingly similar to many of us here). And your situation is uniquely yours.
To you, I want to say I am sorry for your pain. I want to encourage you to pray. I pray that your brother experiences an epiphany that his life is out of control, that he is powerless over alcohol, and that he desperately needs help. I pray that you are able to maintain your sense of self, as separate and distinct from your brother. And that your responses to your brother and his situation do not consume your own life. I pray that you are able to mourn and let go of the outcome.
To your brother, I would say that he is hurting everyone who loves him, including his mother. I would say that he is at a crossroads and he can choose now the difficult choice of saying yes to life (and experience through recovery an amazing renewal of his life) or he can say no to life and continue slowly committing suicide in front of everyone who loves him and mourns for him.
I encourage you to stay one step back from your brother and his choices and recognize that these are his choices and they do not need to consume your life. I admire your devotion to your brother and I hope you know that this devotion can best be expressed by not enabling him, and not getting sucked into his drama.
In a way, your brother is so sick, the real man he is is kind of lost inside him. ALL his actions and thoughts are about how to protect his addiction. Until he finds recovery, this is the case. I know this.
If I were you, I would also post in the Friends & Family Forum. It is very helpful in this kind of situation.
Again, welcome to SR and I hope you are able to find peace with your responses to your brother and his disease.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Hi Alabama,
Welcome!
I hope that you will seek support for yourself to help you through this difficult time.
I will pray for your brother that he will make a choice to live a sober life.
Welcome!
I hope that you will seek support for yourself to help you through this difficult time.
I will pray for your brother that he will make a choice to live a sober life.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR....
My brother got into AA about 4 years ahead of me
We too lived many miles apart..
Nothing he said or did spurred me into action.
My mental condition....depression...is why I decided to quit.
Your brother has made up his mind for now and it's heartbreaking.
My sincere hope is that he will rethink his situation.
I suggest you try this....Amazon carries the book that
convinced me to finally stop. It also has a sequel.
Send him......
"Under The Influence" by Dr. James Milam & Katharine Ketcham.
"Beyond The Influence" is by Ketcham and ???
Perhaps reading the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" would
also benefit him. That's how I found recovery....
Please check out our Friends & Family Forum for
yourself. The top sticky post have good info.
You are going to need support too.
I'm sorry to know of this situation...prayers going out
to y'all.
My brother got into AA about 4 years ahead of me
We too lived many miles apart..
Nothing he said or did spurred me into action.
My mental condition....depression...is why I decided to quit.
Your brother has made up his mind for now and it's heartbreaking.
My sincere hope is that he will rethink his situation.
I suggest you try this....Amazon carries the book that
convinced me to finally stop. It also has a sequel.
Send him......
"Under The Influence" by Dr. James Milam & Katharine Ketcham.
"Beyond The Influence" is by Ketcham and ???
Perhaps reading the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" would
also benefit him. That's how I found recovery....
Please check out our Friends & Family Forum for
yourself. The top sticky post have good info.
You are going to need support too.
I'm sorry to know of this situation...prayers going out
to y'all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Hi Bama, The sad thing about this situation is there isn't much you can do to help him.He has to make that decision fro himself. If anyone can help him, its his wife and there's no guarantee there, If hepatitis C hasnt reached a critical point yet, it will.
See if hes willing to try a few AA meetings, He'll get an education there and speak to some folks like himself
See if hes willing to try a few AA meetings, He'll get an education there and speak to some folks like himself
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Well as you already know.. you can't send him to rehab or impose AA meetings.
I'm sorry he is headed in the direction he is.
Please find support for yourself, I can't imagine how frustrated you are, and how upsetting this probably is for you. You will also find a LOT of support on the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section here, many people that have been in your shoes.
I'm sorry he is headed in the direction he is.
Please find support for yourself, I can't imagine how frustrated you are, and how upsetting this probably is for you. You will also find a LOT of support on the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section here, many people that have been in your shoes.
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