Bamboozle

Hello wonderful people of SR.


My confidence and self-esteem are total crap. Big time crap.

I've been insecure ever since I was a little kid. Why? Good question. I do not have a history of abuse. The only explanation can be that this is simply the way my brain is wired. And that really sucks.

So....


How do I build up self-esteem and confidence? I don't know what that feels like. I never have. So how do I get there? Is there anyone out there who knows what I'm talking about? What have you done to love yourself?

grateful2b

Bam, I have lived a very insecure young life...and I have struggled with codependency for all of it.
my childhood was filled with fear and dread and my parents simply weren't capable of instilling in me, self-esteem...mother (codie) and father(alcoholic) battled amongst themselves for control and all of their 7 children struggle with low self-esteem.

what did I do?
I got myself into therapy in my late twenties and learned to like and accept and eventually love who I was...
I think confidence comes with doing and trying new things and things that challenge us.
I have always been a seeker, and spiritual from a young age...
my faith has and does heal my life..
great topic, hugs, Grateful

suki44883

Good morning, Bam! I don't know how much help I can be but, my daughter has those exact same issues. I feel badly for her, but unfortunately, I can't fix things for her. What I have suggested to her, in the past, is to set small goals for herself. Nothing too large. One baby step at a time. Once you complete that goal, you will feel so good! You'll know you can do it, and it won't be as difficult the next time. Then, you're ready to tackle another small goal. It takes time, sweetie, but with persistence and a good attitude, you CAN do it! ((((HUGS))))

suki44883

Hey! My "Thanks" button is gone!!

tommyk

I used the 12 steps to build up esteem and self confidence.

I know now that my higher power 'approves' of me.

I need no further 'approval' (though it can be nice at times).

Last night I walked into a graduation party ALONE... all by myself... into a group of people I did not know well... everyone looked at me when I came in... I smiled, knowing that I am accepted... that in spite of my shortcomings... I belong.

The 12 steps have made me a member of society.

Hevyn

Same with me, Bam - no abuse, no horrific events in my life - but I've always been shy and self-conscious. I guess that's why I found alcohol to be such a comfort. If you find out the answer, let me know. (I finally realized drinking just masks the problem, it's still there deep inside waiting to be dealt with....)

NewBeginning010

I believe that many of us here feel low self esteem, especially when fighting the addiction/disease of alcohol. It is an esteem killer to have been beaten by a liquid drink (alcohol).

I also think that many of us are very sensitive people feeling everything that our world has to offer. I did some searches & found some good links:

The Trouble With Self-Esteem - The New York Times

Dr. T. Berry Brazelton on Self-Esteem, Discipline and Learning From Your Kids - Well Blog - NYTimes.com

Amazon.com: Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem: Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning: Books This looks like a great book! I may pick this up.

urlm.in/cooe This also looks good.

Lastly, I find doing good things for others & volunteering are great self esteem boosters.

Let us know how you are feeling, take care :ghug3

NB

Cant seem to get this youtube vid to show properly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhqZ0RU95d4






.

jamdls

I had low self esteem for the first 50 years of my life, I was abused as a child but not horribly, I was blessed with good looks and a good body but I had low self esteem and alcoholism lowered my esteem pretty much to the bottom. Sobriety and reaching out to others whether alcoholics or people at my job or just smiling at a stranger as I pass by have built up my self esteem in the past 2 years. I also think that simply getting older has helped me; all these things have made me realize that life doesn't evolve around ME and when you become less less centered on yourself you quit worrying about what others think of you and that's really where low self esteem comes from. I've spent the past 2 years mostly alone except when I'm at work and I've gotten to know myself and like myself so I no longer worry what others may think of me.

OceanBound

Reading self-help books, therapy, setting realistic goals and breaking them down into manageable steps, challenging myself with new tasks, celebrating my accomplishments (and that's a hard one for somebody with low self-esteem). Volunteering will definitely help too.

Cheers!

livlaphluv

I recommend reading the book - Learning to Love Yourself

Amazon.com: Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth: Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse: Books

I read this when I was 21 (I was already struggling with alcohol at this youg tender age). It helped me realize why I didn't like myself and some tools to work on it.

Good luck

Dean62

I know what your talking about. Loving myself let alone others has been a big problem for me Bam. Being a self absorbed alcoholic I either forgot how to love or never knew....not sure which one. AA helped me to open up what was missing inside, with a little light on it now the healing is coming along. I'm healing from the inside out and learning how to live.

It started with the smallest of a relationship with a higher power I really didn't understand at all. Like Tommy I too find myself in places with people I have never met doing things I would never have done before. Low self esteem and low self worth are why I started drinking. Finding the cause of that is what's keeping me sober today.