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Old 06-06-2009, 10:44 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Gosh, this place is a mess, I want to move!!!

I think I could fill the back of my truck with my laundry, that's alot of dirty clothes, and the smell isn't pleasant at all. Time to fire up the washer.
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Old 06-06-2009, 10:54 AM
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Honesty, openmindedness, and willingness.

Keep those traits... and keep coming back.
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Old 06-06-2009, 11:36 AM
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Glad you made that call to your sponsor.

When I climbed that long flight of stairs to AA after throwing 4 years of recovery out the window, I was welcomed with open arms.

The only time I ever saw fear on my sponsor's face is when I finally went to him and told him I had drank again.

He said he had buried far too many friends who went back to the bottle, and he didn't want to bury me too.

I'm glad you came back. :ghug :ghug
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Old 06-06-2009, 12:14 PM
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Firestorm, you said it all when you said, "The fun left a long time ago", and "The booze no longer dulls the pain." That's the point I reached when I finally convinced myself the good times were never coming back, only misery and danger. Yes, I would love to have a re-do of the whole thing, and have the euphoric times return, but they can never come back. I sure tried hard enough to find them again, & almost died in the process.

Be proud of yourself for coming here and spilling it, rather than digging your hole deeper. This is all part of the process - at least it was for me. I got so tired of these episodes and wanted rid of them once and for all.

Maybe that was your last time, and now it'll be clear sailing. Sending love & hope to you.
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Old 06-06-2009, 12:27 PM
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JJB
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Hi Firestorm

Welcome back-I've missed you!
I wrote a really long post to you and somehow lost it.
Lucky you it probably was full of nonsense!

So all i'll say is what everyone says all the time but i find it's one of the best:
"just take one day at a time"
I don't even count days anymore (i found it too depressing having to start at day one again after relapsing)
I just concentrate on "I won't drink today"

Don't be too hard on yourself and please keep posting!!
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Old 06-06-2009, 02:06 PM
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Stay strong brother.
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Old 06-06-2009, 02:49 PM
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Hey SR,

Thanks again for all of your support. It means alot to this ole drunk that people whom I don't know would be kind enough to reach out and support those of us who don't have a clue what we're doing.

My sponsor showed up and was here for about an hour. He brought a chocolate cake and his BB. I pulled out a couple saucers and coffee cups and we sat in my living room and had a good talk. He recalled his initial struggle with getting sober, his slips back into the insanity of the drink and the neverending support of his sponsor who became his best friend. We talked about several issues that thwart successfully changing one's lifestyle, such as revisiting old haunts and habits, hanging with the old crowd, failure to develop a strong support base and most importantly, failure to use the phone when the desire to drink becomes overwhelming. That's one part that I still don't fully understand, and I told him so, cause to me, when I'm at the point that I want a drink, I don't want to call someone, I want a drink and that's why I fail to call anyone. I guess when you haven't drank for many years, it's hard to remember the real, absolute insanity of pushing everyone and every thing aside for a bottle of beer or booze, because you sincerely think that it is the only answer at the time, regardless of all the evidence to the contrary. Anyway, the experience was not life-threatening, in fact it was very helpful to be able to tell the truth and get past that hurdle. And now I have this huge chocolate cake, which I don't need cause my britches are tight enough already, so I think I'll hide it in the closet for a couple days till the bloat from drinking wears off. On second thought, I can't do that cause all my closets are stuffed with real important stuff, you know, jeans that are two sizes too small, that I hope to fit into next week, duh, why do I keep all this stuff? Guess it's time for a real spring cleaning around here, but since the spring is almost over, it will have to be quick. Hmmm, there I go, rambling again. Must be time to do something.
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Old 06-06-2009, 03:00 PM
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Welcome back to sobriety and SR!

Take the cake to a meeting tonight.
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Old 06-07-2009, 03:34 AM
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I think your sponsor sounds great-bringing you round a chocolate cake;
I know what you mean about isolating yourself from the people who could help you when you want a drink-i've done the same.
I think it's my addictive brain like a voice in my head that does that to me it tells me "stop bothering them they've got other things to do than listen to your whining".
Having come back here after briefly relapsing i've been assured that i'm not bothering anyone(these people on SR are really great!!) and now I try to identify and squash the voice as quickly as possible by logging on here-which is of course why i'm here again now.
As for your jeans which are two sizes too small-keep hold of them.
i'm now back into my clothes which were two sizes too small thanks to stopping the booze and i'm now stuffing the big clothes in the trunks that i bought when i was drinking-too big for me now
i did think of throwing them out but i've decided that might be being over confident and anyway it's another reminder for me not to start again;
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Old 06-07-2009, 05:23 AM
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How was that meeting last night firestorm?
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Old 06-07-2009, 05:51 AM
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Hey firestorm!

Don't beat yourself up too much over this. We do make mistakes. I remember your posts in your early sobriety and you seemed generally happy. You can have that feeling back!

I think picking up the drink doesn't happen all of a sudden for most people: one minute you are content to be sober, the next minute you'd kill for a drink. So call before you reach that stage, when you feel you've stopped caring about your sobriety. Or post on SR. And like JJB said you are not distracting people with your calls or posts. We are here to help each other and that means both providing and asking for support.

Good luck!
OB
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Old 06-07-2009, 11:41 AM
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Just checking in FS..
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Old 06-07-2009, 11:47 AM
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Me too.
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Old 06-07-2009, 01:55 PM
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Please post buddy.... I know your busy having a great day outside or spring cleaning. {waits for funny post from FS}
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Old 06-07-2009, 01:58 PM
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F.S. No big thing to down, just get back up and start back working and living the 12 steps. Today is a new beginning. I at one point was sober 4 yrs and got stressed out and drank for one night. The next day I went to a meeting,called my sponsor and started all over again. I have know been sober "one day at a time" for 19 years so never lett life keep you from working the steps and staying sober.Love your honesty,speaks volumes for your chances.
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Old 06-07-2009, 02:36 PM
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Oh, how your post brought back memories. Several years ago, I too went back out and came back to post, beat and exhausted, what I had done, head pounding, ashamed and filled with guilt. It doesn't get any better out there, but it does get worse.

For myself, trying it out one last time was the catalyst to my sobriety. I finally realized that I would never win at the game of drinking. It is to much of a gamble and I was losing big time. Maybe this time is all the proof you need to understand. We are winners if we give up trying to drink, normally, once and for all. Thanks for sharing and wishing you the best on your sober journey.
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Old 06-07-2009, 04:56 PM
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Hey, thanks again to all of you who have shared your wisdom about how to get my head out of my butt. It really stinks when you have your head up your butt, lol. Oops, hope I don't get censored here, I'm walking a tight rope already.

Today went well, I slept in like a lazy hound, went to a 10am meeting, had lunch, then came home, and took a nap. Gosh, what a lazy day. Well, I'm going next door to help a neighbor fix his gate right after I post, so at least I'm not totally laying around all day, lol. After that, time for a pizza and movie, then off to bed. Will check in here between bites of pizza. Hope I don't drop sauce all over my keyboard.

Thanks again for the warm welcome back, u all have saved my butt again. What's all this about butts, lol? Must be another consequence of going back out drinking, always ending up on my backside.
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