Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: SC, USA
Posts: 43
Hello
Just introducing myself. I'll try and be quick.
First off, I feel like this place is a Godsend to me. Thanks in advance to everyone who has/will offer so much helpful advice. I've been lurking here on/off for the last day or so; and each time it's like an emotional trainwreck. On one hand, it's so re-assuring to see others who've been where am now. On the other hand, it's been very depressing because it's hit me smack in the face that I'm an alcoholic. I've sugar-coated it for years (since college).....addictive personality, drink to relax, etc, etc. But never was I an alcoholic.
I hit a personal rock bottom on Oct. 7, 2008. I drink/drank alone (read closet alcoholic) and hid my drunkeness from my wife and family fairly well....at least until the end. I came clean to my wife and I quit cold turkey -- made it for 3 weeks until I had a work meeting/dinner to go to and had a few beers. Then came the Christmas parties and it all went downhill. Since then, it's been basically one creative excuse after another to drink. I've consistently made it a week, or so, here and there, but I end up binging again. This past weekend was 3 six packs, a pint, 2 mini bottles, and a bottle of wine. I'm almost back to where I was in October.
This guilt is making me miserable; it's overwhelming. I'm sick of hiding, of sneaking, of living a lie to my wife and kids, of feeling like crap.....all of it.
First off, I feel like this place is a Godsend to me. Thanks in advance to everyone who has/will offer so much helpful advice. I've been lurking here on/off for the last day or so; and each time it's like an emotional trainwreck. On one hand, it's so re-assuring to see others who've been where am now. On the other hand, it's been very depressing because it's hit me smack in the face that I'm an alcoholic. I've sugar-coated it for years (since college).....addictive personality, drink to relax, etc, etc. But never was I an alcoholic.
I hit a personal rock bottom on Oct. 7, 2008. I drink/drank alone (read closet alcoholic) and hid my drunkeness from my wife and family fairly well....at least until the end. I came clean to my wife and I quit cold turkey -- made it for 3 weeks until I had a work meeting/dinner to go to and had a few beers. Then came the Christmas parties and it all went downhill. Since then, it's been basically one creative excuse after another to drink. I've consistently made it a week, or so, here and there, but I end up binging again. This past weekend was 3 six packs, a pint, 2 mini bottles, and a bottle of wine. I'm almost back to where I was in October.
This guilt is making me miserable; it's overwhelming. I'm sick of hiding, of sneaking, of living a lie to my wife and kids, of feeling like crap.....all of it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Hi Oatmeal,
Welcome!
When I finally stopped drinking, my life was exhausting. I was so busy lying, hiding, obsessing about alcohol, worrying about who I might have called last night, it was such a relief to stop.
You can do this! Make a decision that alcohol is no longer an option.
We are here to offer support.
Welcome!
When I finally stopped drinking, my life was exhausting. I was so busy lying, hiding, obsessing about alcohol, worrying about who I might have called last night, it was such a relief to stop.
You can do this! Make a decision that alcohol is no longer an option.
We are here to offer support.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community......
You really can find a better sober life
many of us here have been just where you are
and we are winning over alcohol....
This can be true for you as well....
You really can find a better sober life
many of us here have been just where you are
and we are winning over alcohol....
This can be true for you as well....
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Hi oatmeal and welcome to SR 
When I quit drinking and using I used just SR for the first few days, I basically lived here. Read everything and asked loads of questions. Later I needed more support and eventually found NA which works for me. Point is I think we all need support of other recovering addicts and thats one of teh things that kept me sober and gave me a life.
So keep reading and posting and know that it is possible to get sober, stay sober and live a great life.
Kevin
When I quit drinking and using I used just SR for the first few days, I basically lived here. Read everything and asked loads of questions. Later I needed more support and eventually found NA which works for me. Point is I think we all need support of other recovering addicts and thats one of teh things that kept me sober and gave me a life.
So keep reading and posting and know that it is possible to get sober, stay sober and live a great life.
Kevin
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,902
Welcome to SR, oatmeal! Read the stickies at the top of this forum for some helpful information.
If you are actually drinking as much as you say you are, you're not hiding it from anyone. I can guarantee you that they already know. The only one you are fooling is yourself.
If you are truly sick of drinking and feeling like crap, do something about it. Go to your doctor and be HONEST with him about your drinking and ask him for help. He can give you medication to help you through the worst of the withdrawals. After that, you need a plan to stay sober. Many people use AA, but there are other programs out there if AA isn't your thing.
I wish you much luck and hope you make the best decision, which is to do whatever it takes to become a non-drinker.
Once again, welcome to SR!
If you are actually drinking as much as you say you are, you're not hiding it from anyone. I can guarantee you that they already know. The only one you are fooling is yourself.
If you are truly sick of drinking and feeling like crap, do something about it. Go to your doctor and be HONEST with him about your drinking and ask him for help. He can give you medication to help you through the worst of the withdrawals. After that, you need a plan to stay sober. Many people use AA, but there are other programs out there if AA isn't your thing.
I wish you much luck and hope you make the best decision, which is to do whatever it takes to become a non-drinker.
Once again, welcome to SR!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome to the family, Oatmeal. We know just how you feel - and that's the great thing about SR - having such wonderful and understanding company. No one judges or condemns - and everyone "gets it". It sounds like you're ready to lay it down. It took me many years to finally admit I could never again attempt to manage my drinking. No longer can I come back from binging - my body is tired and worn from all the abuse. What once helped me be sharp and clever, now makes me dull and sloppy. In the end, it was never fun or an escape from reality the way it once was. I was in dangerous territory every time I picked up.
It sounds like you are ready to break free of the chains and have a whole new life. No more sneaking, remorse, or feeling like hell. It's so hard to admit - what once was so enjoyable can never be again for us. My last binge was supposed to be 2 glasses of wine on Christmas Eve. 3 wks. later I was stashing it in the closet to hide it from my husband & going to the liquor store during the day while he was at work to replenish my supply. I wasn't answering the door or the phone - was drinking day and night - shook too badly if I tried to stop. I clawed my way out of hell thanks to SR and the compassionate friends I've found here. I hope you have the same experience, it's great to meet you.
It sounds like you are ready to break free of the chains and have a whole new life. No more sneaking, remorse, or feeling like hell. It's so hard to admit - what once was so enjoyable can never be again for us. My last binge was supposed to be 2 glasses of wine on Christmas Eve. 3 wks. later I was stashing it in the closet to hide it from my husband & going to the liquor store during the day while he was at work to replenish my supply. I wasn't answering the door or the phone - was drinking day and night - shook too badly if I tried to stop. I clawed my way out of hell thanks to SR and the compassionate friends I've found here. I hope you have the same experience, it's great to meet you.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR oatmeal, it sounds as though you are at a crossroads and seeking a direction to go to me.
You have made a tremendous step FORWARD, the most important step in recovery, admitting honestly to your self that you have a problem, that you are an alcoholic. One reason this is crucial is that a problem can not be resolved unless it is seen.
For some people realizing they are an alcoholic is quite a crushing blow, mainly due to a percieved stigma attached to being a drunk. I was a self admitted alcoholic for many years but I did not see my alcoholism as a problem. What I have found is alcoholism is a progressive disease, the longer an alcoholic drinks, the worse thier alcoholism gets, it never gets better, it never levels off, it always gets worse as long as the alcoholic is still drinking.
The last 5 years of my drinking I did not draw a single sober breath, I was physically addicted to alcohol and my choice in whether or not to drink was gone, if I was awake I was going to drink or bad things started to happen. I was an alcoholic long before I reached this stage and quitting would have been far easier, not easy, but easier. I had to be medically detoxed.
It sounds like you are at the point I was where I knew I had a problem and could quit for periods of time, but some how I would convince myself that I deserved a drink, that I could control it this time. I would also figure that if I went a week without a drink that I was not an alcoholic because a real alcoholic could not go that long without a drink, I always wound up drinking again and every time it was as bad if not worse then it was before.
The real problem is not stopping drinking for most alcoholics before they reach the physically addicted stage, but STAYING stopped! For me alcohol was the solution & answer to everything in life both good and bad. Alcohol was the only solution I knew so I drank!!!
I found that in order to stay stopped I had to find another solution to life, I had to find a way of life that gave me a solution to both the good and the bad in life, a solution that allowed me to life a happy life and have the ability to deal with the problems that arise in every single persons life.
I found that solution in the program & fellowship of AA and the strength given to me by a power greater then myself of my choosing that I had an understanding of. I found the ultimate solution in the 12 steps of AA by taking them with a sponsor.
I would suggest that you call the AA hotline, talk to the person who answers about what is going on in your life. The person you talk to will be a recovering alcoholic so they will be able to relate to what is going on in your life and be able to share with you what they did to recover. At this point you can simply ask where some meetings are and go to 5 or 6 to see if AA is for you (Every meeting is different so go to 5 or 6) or they can arrange for you to meet with a couple of AA guys just to talk about what AA is and what it has to offer.
For me what I was given in AA was life itself, it has brought me freedom from the bondage of my alcoholism and the ability to live life on lifes terms sober and happy.
You have made a tremendous step FORWARD, the most important step in recovery, admitting honestly to your self that you have a problem, that you are an alcoholic. One reason this is crucial is that a problem can not be resolved unless it is seen.
For some people realizing they are an alcoholic is quite a crushing blow, mainly due to a percieved stigma attached to being a drunk. I was a self admitted alcoholic for many years but I did not see my alcoholism as a problem. What I have found is alcoholism is a progressive disease, the longer an alcoholic drinks, the worse thier alcoholism gets, it never gets better, it never levels off, it always gets worse as long as the alcoholic is still drinking.
The last 5 years of my drinking I did not draw a single sober breath, I was physically addicted to alcohol and my choice in whether or not to drink was gone, if I was awake I was going to drink or bad things started to happen. I was an alcoholic long before I reached this stage and quitting would have been far easier, not easy, but easier. I had to be medically detoxed.
It sounds like you are at the point I was where I knew I had a problem and could quit for periods of time, but some how I would convince myself that I deserved a drink, that I could control it this time. I would also figure that if I went a week without a drink that I was not an alcoholic because a real alcoholic could not go that long without a drink, I always wound up drinking again and every time it was as bad if not worse then it was before.
The real problem is not stopping drinking for most alcoholics before they reach the physically addicted stage, but STAYING stopped! For me alcohol was the solution & answer to everything in life both good and bad. Alcohol was the only solution I knew so I drank!!!
I found that in order to stay stopped I had to find another solution to life, I had to find a way of life that gave me a solution to both the good and the bad in life, a solution that allowed me to life a happy life and have the ability to deal with the problems that arise in every single persons life.
I found that solution in the program & fellowship of AA and the strength given to me by a power greater then myself of my choosing that I had an understanding of. I found the ultimate solution in the 12 steps of AA by taking them with a sponsor.
I would suggest that you call the AA hotline, talk to the person who answers about what is going on in your life. The person you talk to will be a recovering alcoholic so they will be able to relate to what is going on in your life and be able to share with you what they did to recover. At this point you can simply ask where some meetings are and go to 5 or 6 to see if AA is for you (Every meeting is different so go to 5 or 6) or they can arrange for you to meet with a couple of AA guys just to talk about what AA is and what it has to offer.
For me what I was given in AA was life itself, it has brought me freedom from the bondage of my alcoholism and the ability to live life on lifes terms sober and happy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: SC, USA
Posts: 43
Taz, there's obiously alot of wisdom in what you've said......you've described me to a tee. I have found the phone # for the AA groups that meet in the small town I live in. I'm planning on (and looking forward to) contacting them when I get back from vacation after next week.
Which leads to me this: I haven't been on a sober vacation in years. I'm about to head out on vacation tomorrow morning with family and friends -- friends that I drank with in the past. I've been up front with my wife about these last several days -- she will be at my side. But does anyone have any advice? I've printed several "inspirational" threads from the forums here to keep my "momentum". I'm just a bit insecure about all of this. Not so much that I'll drink (especially with my wife there), but more how of how I'm supposed to react when somebody shoves a drink in front of me.
Which leads to me this: I haven't been on a sober vacation in years. I'm about to head out on vacation tomorrow morning with family and friends -- friends that I drank with in the past. I've been up front with my wife about these last several days -- she will be at my side. But does anyone have any advice? I've printed several "inspirational" threads from the forums here to keep my "momentum". I'm just a bit insecure about all of this. Not so much that I'll drink (especially with my wife there), but more how of how I'm supposed to react when somebody shoves a drink in front of me.
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