Communication is very important
Looking For Myself...Sober
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Communication is very important
Well me and the grams had a calm and in depth conversation today about why we are bumping heads so much.
It started with me getting all bent and asking her why she feels the need to buy my lil cousin 2 bday presents. And she said one is from me. And she just got done saying how theres a couple hundred dollars worth of toys in our closet that havent been touched more than a couple times.
We usually put both our names on one present for everyone else to make it easier for us. We dont have alot of money to spare. Plus I dont need her buying gifts for me.
She doesnt usually do that. But she tends to play favorites with my one cousins kids more than the others kids.
And I dont like it. For one it is so obvious and thats not like her to do that.
Her age is changing her in alot of ways and I will admit I am not handling it well at all.
Anyway. She asked me if I can ever not critisize her and not always have something to say about everything she does.
I told her I know I am like that and I dont mean to be. I do try and I know its wrong. I asked her why all of a sudden it bothers her because I have been like this ever since I can remember. (Not that it makes it right. Because it isnt) And she said the same thing. She doesnt know why either.
Well..I just let her know I am aware of how I am. I know its wrong and I feel bad when I do it. And that I do try and will try harder from now on. And that she needs to stop saying one thing and doing the other. Thats what gets me going. Is her saying one thing and not sticking to it. Especially when she is sticking her neck out for no reason and we cant afford to do certain things. There is no need to buy any of those kids a bunch of presents all the time. They never play with them more than a few times. And they have plenty of other people to get them stuff. Its not like they are goin without. They are all spoiled beyond belief.
I dont know. At least I got to talk to her about it. I need to learn to mind my own business too. If she wants to spend her money on whatever. Then who am I to say anything?
I know I have spent way more money on drugs when I most def couldnt afford it.
But we got that all cleared up and we are at an understanding.
And she said she nows I dont mean it. I apologised and I am goin to try very hard to keep it cool and calm.
It started with me getting all bent and asking her why she feels the need to buy my lil cousin 2 bday presents. And she said one is from me. And she just got done saying how theres a couple hundred dollars worth of toys in our closet that havent been touched more than a couple times.
We usually put both our names on one present for everyone else to make it easier for us. We dont have alot of money to spare. Plus I dont need her buying gifts for me.
She doesnt usually do that. But she tends to play favorites with my one cousins kids more than the others kids.
And I dont like it. For one it is so obvious and thats not like her to do that.
Her age is changing her in alot of ways and I will admit I am not handling it well at all.
Anyway. She asked me if I can ever not critisize her and not always have something to say about everything she does.
I told her I know I am like that and I dont mean to be. I do try and I know its wrong. I asked her why all of a sudden it bothers her because I have been like this ever since I can remember. (Not that it makes it right. Because it isnt) And she said the same thing. She doesnt know why either.
Well..I just let her know I am aware of how I am. I know its wrong and I feel bad when I do it. And that I do try and will try harder from now on. And that she needs to stop saying one thing and doing the other. Thats what gets me going. Is her saying one thing and not sticking to it. Especially when she is sticking her neck out for no reason and we cant afford to do certain things. There is no need to buy any of those kids a bunch of presents all the time. They never play with them more than a few times. And they have plenty of other people to get them stuff. Its not like they are goin without. They are all spoiled beyond belief.
I dont know. At least I got to talk to her about it. I need to learn to mind my own business too. If she wants to spend her money on whatever. Then who am I to say anything?
I know I have spent way more money on drugs when I most def couldnt afford it.
But we got that all cleared up and we are at an understanding.
And she said she nows I dont mean it. I apologised and I am goin to try very hard to keep it cool and calm.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
It's good that the two of you were able to calmly talk about some things. You are right. Communication is vital to a healthy relationship. I'm very proud of you, Chiy. (((HUGS)))
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I'm glad you two talked. I was thinking about some of your things with your Grams growing older when I got off the phone last night with my Mom. She's also 70, getting really forgetful, gets confused easily and at times, I find myself just wanting to blow my top. I know in my heart that she doesn't mean to keep asking me the same questions over and over again. It's not her fault that she's getting older and forgetful. I'M THE ONE HAVING A HARD TIME WITH IT! I'm just mad. I want my old Mom back. I want the woman back who I could sit and have a conversation with and she didn't get lost in what I'm saying. I want the Mom back that I could go shopping with, even just for stuff like toilet paper, foil, laundry soap . . . and laugh and have fun. I'm not dealing well at all with Mom growing old at all. Knowing that her health is deteoriating daily and each day could be her last really breaks my heart.
When you mentioned your Grams spending money on gifts for the kids, you're right, it is her money. Besides, you said that she always puts your name on gifts anyway, so I don't see what difference it makes if she bought one or two. I don't know your Grams, but from how you speak of her, I think it was a kind gesture to buy a gift and put your name on it. As long as she isn't going out of really doing crazy things with her money,like buying cases of toothpicks or pipe cleaner then I'm afraid you need to stay out of it, IMO. If she's not spending money for gifts and unable to pay the bills, then I think you should let her. Maybe this is one of the few real joys she has left, being able to give someone a gift. As with my Mom, I'm sure there are plenty of things she can't do now that she did even 6 months ago and maybe this is one area she still feels like she has some control over. If the kids have a mess of things they don't play with, have them each decide which toys they want to give to the less fortunate. Children's Services organizations are always begging for gently used toys. This would be something that would help you feel good about doing something too and teach the kids to be kind to others and share with the less fortunate.
I hope you're healing up from you're surgery. Believe me, I know how you feel being "grounded" to the house due to medical issues. I feel like my body has me on house arrest or something! lol You probably know what I'm going to say now, This Too Shall Pass. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Hugs & Prayers of Hope,
Judy
When you mentioned your Grams spending money on gifts for the kids, you're right, it is her money. Besides, you said that she always puts your name on gifts anyway, so I don't see what difference it makes if she bought one or two. I don't know your Grams, but from how you speak of her, I think it was a kind gesture to buy a gift and put your name on it. As long as she isn't going out of really doing crazy things with her money,like buying cases of toothpicks or pipe cleaner then I'm afraid you need to stay out of it, IMO. If she's not spending money for gifts and unable to pay the bills, then I think you should let her. Maybe this is one of the few real joys she has left, being able to give someone a gift. As with my Mom, I'm sure there are plenty of things she can't do now that she did even 6 months ago and maybe this is one area she still feels like she has some control over. If the kids have a mess of things they don't play with, have them each decide which toys they want to give to the less fortunate. Children's Services organizations are always begging for gently used toys. This would be something that would help you feel good about doing something too and teach the kids to be kind to others and share with the less fortunate.
I hope you're healing up from you're surgery. Believe me, I know how you feel being "grounded" to the house due to medical issues. I feel like my body has me on house arrest or something! lol You probably know what I'm going to say now, This Too Shall Pass. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Hugs & Prayers of Hope,
Judy
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