Charmie

callyn,,what im getting from your posts is that awful obsession,,i dont mean that in a derogatary way,,i rememeber only too well what it was like.i knew very early on that weaning was not an option for me,once i took the first drink that was it,a phsysical craving was set up.this is just a part of it.ask yourself honestly do you want to quit??? if you do then there is plenty of help with this.my esh is within the rooms of AA and getting a sponsor and the 12 step recovery programme.and of course the immense help at sr..bite the bullet,take that step,if you are anything like me,although it is scary putting down your crutch,,it is also a great relief to know you have made a choice.my best wishes are with you.

CALYNN

Well, I honestly don't know what I honestly think. I don't even think I "think" sometimes - I just "do" or "react", whatever you want to call it.

I used to blame my drinking on everyone/everything. One of those "if you had my life, you'd drink too" people. I don't do that anymore.

I read something that really stuck with me. It was a therapist talking about how one of his patients blamed his mother for all of his problems. The therapist told him to go get his mother and bring her in to therapy. He said, I'll fix your mother and then all your problems will be solved. Blaming just keeps you stuck and stops you from working on your issues and moving forward.

pattib

Hello Calynn! Very interesting - whacked reasoning! It truly is. I believed for the longest time that if I could "fix" all the people around me than I could drink like a lady. My excuse bag was as big as Santa's sack!

The morning after my last drinking bout my parents asked the question "WHY????" I think this was the first day I was ever truly honest with myself in my entire life - I answered "Because I could".

Which brought me back to the first step - admitted we were totally powerless over alcohol. I know I cannot have that first drink because it sets off an allergic reaction....................................but, I can! As long as I stay away from that first drink and be completely honest with myself I can have the power to stay away and God has released me from my obsession to drink.

CALYNN

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for your posts. I really appreciate all the support and ideas, etc.

If you don't mind, I'm going to hang out here all day reading and posting. I know some of my questions & thoughts may seem like "duh" to those of you that are already in recovery. Sorry about that and I hope you will "bear" with me. I know I've got a LOT of things to figure out & I'm only two weeks into this. I'm happy that I'm finally trying to figure some stuff out though. I've already learned a lot from SR and I'm so happy I found it.

123bubblegum123

I always justified getting high as 'it's my reward for being such a good girl.' I always did well in school, seemed satisfied, and even though my use became heavier and very frequent, i still used it as my reward system. i'm sorry i didn't get help sooner in changing that because now that i am clean, i still struggle with rewarding myself. don't feel alone, but do know that it is dangerous addict/alcoholic thinking.

gerryP

Post away Calynn!

Tazman53

Man can I relate to that statement, that was my life, reacting!!!! Now the "Just do" part was actually a pretty key part of my early recovery, in AA there were folks with the knowledge in how to stay sober and my arse was fried on both sides by alcohol so when they suggested I "do" something because it helped them to stay sober I did it! Even though I did not really understand why I did it and like them, I stayed sober!!!

I love that!!!!!

No!!! Absolutely not, they are not "duh", keep in mind that every person here with some time sober remembers being right where you are at now, I encourage you to ask questions and if you do not get an answer get clarification, staying clean and sober is a matter of life and death and when it comes to life and death matters there are no dumb questions.

I like many others here have walked in your shoes, we were in that damn hole with what appeared to be no way out, but some one came along who had found a way out of that hole and they jumped right in with us, took us by the hand and showed us the way they had found out of that hole because someone else had showed them the way out!

CALYNN

Thanks Gerry!

CALYNN

Thanks Taz! Before I found SR, I honestly could not see a way out. My only experience with quitting drinking/using was you either did it on your own or you died from it. My mom quit on her own (twice, after almost dying) and my father, uncle and grandfather (and several friends) died from it.

In my family, there has always been a strict "no whining" policy, so nobody ever reached out for help or admitted they had a problem. Not good as the statistics prove (3 dead & 1 almost died).

While it's hard for me to get over that "no whining" thing, I am slowly getting past that and realizing how important it is to get help. Get help or die? Hmmm, that sounds like a "duh" to me...

CALYNN

Hey, I also do get the "do" part. Unfortunately, my uncle's passing a few months ago is what got me thinking about that. He was a binge eater & drinker and his doctor told him 5 years ago that he might have 5 more years if he didn't "do" anything to get healthy. I remember he told me on his 50th birthday that he was going to quit drinking and go on a diet. Well, he didn't "do" it and 2 1/2 years later we lost him. We all tried to help him with diet tips, etc., but ultimately it was up to him to "do" it and he didn't. I don't want to end up like that. I want to be a "doer".

Sweets79

Hey,

I'm not familiar with detoxing. When I stopped, I didn't notice any physical withdrawals. I've been drinking heavily for 5 years, so I expected some sort of physical withdrawl, but luckily it didn't happen. I don't know if it was because I drank less than usual the week before I stopped. Who knows, just glad I didn't have to go through anything major as far as the physical aspect went.

CALYNN

Hey, glad you didn't have a bad detox. That's why I came here to begin with - looking for some ways to help with it other than going to the doctor. I agree that because you drank less the week before (kind of like weaning off), maybe that's why you didn't get the bad detox symptoms.

Sweets79

Yeah, it was weird because I didn't even mean to drink less the week before lol, it was just how the week went. There were times though I remember after drinking way too much, feeling shaky the next day and SO dizzy, it was horrible. That's one thing I definitely don't miss.

joedris

Hi again Calynn, Weaning yourself off alcohol in order to detox doesn't work. I'm glad that you're not having any medical problems now, but your method of withdrawal isn't the reason. All you accomplish is putting off quitting drinking. If you're going to quit, then quit. As Taz said, give AA a try. It's worked for a whole bunch of people and I'm one of them. And you can take every vitamin, mineral or dietary supplement you want but nothing will protect your body from the effects of consuming alcohol. The only way you can repair the damage is to stop drinking. One of the nasty results of alcoholism is Wernekie-Karsakoff syndrome. It's also known as wet brain, and is a form of dementia combined with physical dysfunctions that's caused by a Vitamin B-1 deficiency. Alcohol inhibits the vitamin from being absorbed into the body, so taking pills to overcome this deficiency won't work. The best thing you can do for yourself is to quit absolutely. It isn't the easiest think to do as you're finding out, but it can be done. Get some support to help you quit. Give AA a try. Remember Sweets' Womans Meeting suggestion?

smacked

Quitting drinking by continuing to drink never made sense to me.

"Whacked reasoning" was certainly an appropriate title to this thread!

CALYNN

Thanks Joe - I did not know that about alcohol preventing vitamins from being absorbed. I am learning so much from you people (lol)!!! That explains a lot. Any other information you think might be useful to me?

Yes, I am working up the courage to go to the woman's group. That's not a cop-out by the way. I have to work up the courage to go the damn grocery store right now, so making that call scares the s**t out of me.

Is that an "excuse" or a "reason"? Oy, I wish I could tell the difference sometimes...

Chamabama

I've been thinking about the difference between a reason and an excuse. Just on a personal/philosophical level, I'd say:

"Reasons" are why I feel a certain way. I don't exist in a vacume. I have reasons for the way I feel the way I do. Usually based on my past and the way I interpreted the past and continue to treat the present as the past. The way I talk to myself, etc. Those are reasons (that I'm working on via acceptance of the past and re-evaluation, etc.)

"Excuses" are what I use to justify my actions.

So maybe, for me, it's the difference between feelings and actions. I am trying to be gentle with myself and understand that there are reasons why I feel the way I do. However, when I choose to act on a feeling in a way that I know is not rational/helpful, I have very likely moved into the "excuses" arena.

That's just my initial take on it. Very interesting question. Thanks! I'm gonna think about this some more.

jamdls

I 'weaned' myself off alcohol about every Monday morning for 10 years and I was good to go until Thursday at the latest, sometimes Tuesday's would require a reward of a glass of wine. During that 10 years I did have one 8 week dry period but that's cause I was in the hospital for 3 weeks from a car wreck that wouldn't have occured had I not been extremely hungover on a Tuesday ....and passed out while driving... and then I couldn't drive and didn't have a car to drive for another 6 weeks so couldn't get any booze...

So yeah I don't think this is good way to stop drinking. When I finally did stop drinking I rewarded myself with CHOCOLATE, M&Ms lots of them and sure I gained weight but it was a heck of lot better than being a drunk. I had to stop drinking or die so was able to do it on my own but if you're not there yet (or even if you are) you should get support and from what I understand AA is a great place to start.

CALYNN

Yeah, not to be a cop-out, but I do find there is a fine line between the two and I have a hard time sometimes distinguishing between them. Let me know what you come up with, please!

joedris

Most often the "reasons" we use are actually excuses. If it applies to your drinking in any way, then it's an excuse. A reason for not going to a meeting would be that your car broke down. Waiting for the courage to go is an excuse. And please don't feel alone. We all did it at some point. That's how we get so good at spotting excuses. We used them too.