Antone

For 20 years, I have had a sponsor from a different program in which I attended face to face meetings. Over time, my sponsor and I have become very good friends. We often discuss program issues, sometimes as friends, sometimes as sponsor/sponsoree. I wonder if this is a good arrangement. The reason being is that I am so comfortable sharing pretty much ANYTHING with my sponsor (it was difficult, actually, to tell my sponsor I had issues with drinking, because I know he didn't drink, but now we have discussed it and I'm over that hump) that a certain edge is gone. I get a lot out of the relationship, but that edge of courageously divulging my issues is gone with my friend because we have talked about so much over the years. . Nowadays, I rarely refer to my friend as my sponsor, because we've been friends for such a long time (20 years). My friend has occasionally referred to us as co-sponsors.

Does a sponsor who feels more like a friend than a sponsor really work?

I'm guessing folks are going to suggest I go with my gut on this. My gut says there should be more distance between a sponsor and sponsoree than what is found in a friendship. Also, I think I perhaps can discuss this with my current sponsor and see how he feels. I don't attend f2f AA meetings. I prefer the online mode for this particular issue, so there's not much of an opportunity to get an alcohol-related sponsor. I do still occasionally attend f2f meetings in my other fellowship.

Do any of you have multiple sponsors for different issues? Or do you stay with one sponsor for multiple issues? Any ideas?

shaun00

hi Antone and thanks for your post...

My last sponsor was and still is a good friend....there is very little that i haven't discussed with him over the years.

that total disclosure with him was possible because of the development of a friendship based on trust.....first and foremost and IMO fundamental.

Over the years it became a two way street....there is nothing i wouldn't discuss with him and i guess he felt the same.

BUT....and its important...he had no qualms pulling me on my bs.....especially in the beginning...
The were points in my early recovery where sponsorship came before friendship....believe me at times i need the denial pointed out to me.
he did that......with a passion..lol

At the moment i have a close group of friends that i spend time with on a regular basis.........again the relationship is much the same
between all of us....bunch of lads with a common goal.

I find its working out great..BUT i am still looking for a sponsor ... i dont believe im gonna find it in some of the AA meetings i go to.
With time i may do........until then im quiet happy as it is.

friendship in sponsorship is IMO a good thing and a natural progression to the relationship....as long as if the time arises for brutal honesty....the friendship doesn't cloud the issue.

hope that helps.........it my experience ......thats all i got.

Shaun.

joedris

Hi Antone, I don't know of any rule that says you can't be good friends with your sponsor. And if it's been been working for 20 years, you two must be doing something right. Just be sure he pulls you on your bs as Trucker said. I hope you have another successful 20 years.

tommyk

I frequently talk things out with people other than my sponsor.

Especially if I know someone who has experienced a similar situation.

For me, practically anyone can be an 'associate sponsor' at any particular time of need.