Un-stuck?
Matt, Turning your back on the unrealistic demands and expectations of others is a good thing. But don't turn your back on the people themselves. Friends and family are important. Don't burn your bridges. Hopefully, they will recognize that you are only asserting your independence and not permanently casting them from your life. I hope you recognize this also.
While friends and FAMILY are important, they can also be damaging at the same time. Taking a step or a few steps back, setting up boundaries that are healthy for your recovery, I feel, are sometimes very necessary.
It took me a long time to get that I come first in my life. Thanks for letting me share.
Hi Matt, you are a good guy and don't need people dragging you down, it seems like you have stood up for yourself with what you did. Maybe you went to an extreme as far as boundary setting goes, maybe that extreme was needed, maybe you will now form a relationship with these people on a different footing now, I don't know.
I think you are right to look at why you give them so much much power over you. Of course, part of it just comes with the fact that they are your parents/family!
Whatever the outcome it seems like a big shift in conciousness has happened for you and that is great!
Sfgirl
I like that.
I think you are right to look at why you give them so much much power over you. Of course, part of it just comes with the fact that they are your parents/family!
Whatever the outcome it seems like a big shift in conciousness has happened for you and that is great!
Sfgirl
there is something extremely lonely and suffering in freedom
there is something extremely lonely and suffering in freedom
That can be true...for a while. Once you get your bearings and really learn to take care of yourself, it gets much, much better, if you know what I mean...and I think you do.
I love you, Mattie.
That can be true...for a while. Once you get your bearings and really learn to take care of yourself, it gets much, much better, if you know what I mean...and I think you do.
I love you, Mattie.
I am only beginning but I do have faith that it gets better, it is doing so already. Slowly and with many false starts, lol.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
Posts: 142
Matt,
Just like an addict will say or do anything for their DOC, in some cases so will the loved ones of that addict. The expectations, demands and words said are out of love and desperation. I will say or do anything to try to get my son to stop the self-destruction. That is my problem (and your families). If they did not care, there would be complete apathy towards you. Yes, you need to set boundries. My AS needs to set boundries for me and his father. Because my constant attempts at "fixing" him, shuts him down.
In turn, I need to set my own boundries.
Time heals and when your family sees you strong in your wellness, relationships will mend.
Good luck and God Bless.
Just like an addict will say or do anything for their DOC, in some cases so will the loved ones of that addict. The expectations, demands and words said are out of love and desperation. I will say or do anything to try to get my son to stop the self-destruction. That is my problem (and your families). If they did not care, there would be complete apathy towards you. Yes, you need to set boundries. My AS needs to set boundries for me and his father. Because my constant attempts at "fixing" him, shuts him down.
In turn, I need to set my own boundries.
Time heals and when your family sees you strong in your wellness, relationships will mend.
Good luck and God Bless.
I don't want to tread on toes, or hijack Matty's thread - but guys....there's a bit too much romancing going on here for my taste.
I'm sorry - but it doesn't take any special kind of bravery to assume responsibility for our lives....people - kids - do it every day.
It's a natural and essential part of growth, of life, and of adulthood - a part of things that a lot of us here missed out on by virtue of the choices that we made.
What *does* take great bravery is dealing with the fear of taking on that responsibility....especially when we've avoided it for 20 years or so....and I commend all of us for that - but lets not make it noble LOL. We should have done it years ago.
Like Suki said, if there is something extremely lonely and suffering in freedom, this fear is a part of that, but it soon dissipates when we learn just how much we can do, and grow, and help... without the need to run away.....
It's liberating...it really is freeing
I wish you well Matty
D
I'm sorry - but it doesn't take any special kind of bravery to assume responsibility for our lives....people - kids - do it every day.
It's a natural and essential part of growth, of life, and of adulthood - a part of things that a lot of us here missed out on by virtue of the choices that we made.
What *does* take great bravery is dealing with the fear of taking on that responsibility....especially when we've avoided it for 20 years or so....and I commend all of us for that - but lets not make it noble LOL. We should have done it years ago.
Like Suki said, if there is something extremely lonely and suffering in freedom, this fear is a part of that, but it soon dissipates when we learn just how much we can do, and grow, and help... without the need to run away.....
It's liberating...it really is freeing
I wish you well Matty
D
That is exactly what I was saying!
I never said it was noble, that is just you mistaking my meaning...AS USUAL!
PS
Just as an experiment, try reading one of my posts but pretend it is by someone else, someone you are not contemptuous of, see if you read it differently.
I dont have anything to add matty. Just know I am thinking of you. And you know that I am goin to say..You do whatever it is that is goin to give you peace and happiness.
I stayed away from this thread yesterday because this discovery truly was a shock, so I felt overwhelmed. That I sometimes act like an overgrown baby is not news to me, but the range and scope of its implications is what scared me. To put it simply, I'm not living my life.
I feel much better today. The advice you gave me is helping me a lot. I can see the potential to build stuff with the support of people versus alone, to take charge without being a control freak.. to care deeply for others through love instead of fear. All of this stemming from true gratitude.
:ghug3 my friends..
PS LOL @ Stoney and Dee
I feel much better today. The advice you gave me is helping me a lot. I can see the potential to build stuff with the support of people versus alone, to take charge without being a control freak.. to care deeply for others through love instead of fear. All of this stemming from true gratitude.
:ghug3 my friends..
PS LOL @ Stoney and Dee
Hi Matt, sorry about the "stone and Dee" storm in a teacup, we always do it, I am sorry it was in your thread.
For the record, I like Dee, we just seem to rub each other the wrong way sometimes.
I know what you mean about not living your life, I say again, it takes bravery to look at ourselves in such an honest way without running to old behaviours....it isn't noble though, absolutely not!
Anyway, you sound like you are feeling a bit better and I am glad.
For the record, I like Dee, we just seem to rub each other the wrong way sometimes.
I know what you mean about not living your life, I say again, it takes bravery to look at ourselves in such an honest way without running to old behaviours....it isn't noble though, absolutely not!
Anyway, you sound like you are feeling a bit better and I am glad.
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