Cheese and Rice!! Please go away!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hey Trish
sending you much love
We've talked about this - you can have all the face to face interaction in the world, do any kind of programme - all those things are great - but, ultimately in the end, it's down to us anyway.
We don't even have to understand why we still have those thoughts - just remember thoughts are thoughts - they mean nothing without action behind them.
So don't act. Stay curled up.
I dunno whether it's healthy or not but it's a damn sight better than using.
We decide when we're done Trish. Noone or nothing can make us do something we don't want to do.
Fight it.
thinking of you
hugs
D
sending you much love
We've talked about this - you can have all the face to face interaction in the world, do any kind of programme - all those things are great - but, ultimately in the end, it's down to us anyway.
We don't even have to understand why we still have those thoughts - just remember thoughts are thoughts - they mean nothing without action behind them.
So don't act. Stay curled up.
I dunno whether it's healthy or not but it's a damn sight better than using.
We decide when we're done Trish. Noone or nothing can make us do something we don't want to do.
Fight it.
thinking of you
hugs
D
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Hey, chiy. I almost relapsed. I had a lot of suicidal thoughts today at work and that is always a trigger.
After I got home I decided I wasn't going to leave the house. My paycheck is still uncashed/undeposited. I ate some food and took a nap. I'm okay with taking naps...when I get like that it saps all of my energy.
Doing this sober isn't easy and most of the time I want to give up. I just kept telling myself how crappy I'd feel if I got drunk. This is hard for me to believe, but I really do like having a clear mind. It's the incessant negative thinking that presents a problem and I'm working on that with my therapist and doctor.
I keep shruging my shoulders and walking on. I'm spending more time taking pictures. It's not what I really need right now (what I need is more of a social life), but it's helping.
Sober time is slow time. Everyone here swears it gets better. I hope so.
After I got home I decided I wasn't going to leave the house. My paycheck is still uncashed/undeposited. I ate some food and took a nap. I'm okay with taking naps...when I get like that it saps all of my energy.
Doing this sober isn't easy and most of the time I want to give up. I just kept telling myself how crappy I'd feel if I got drunk. This is hard for me to believe, but I really do like having a clear mind. It's the incessant negative thinking that presents a problem and I'm working on that with my therapist and doctor.
I keep shruging my shoulders and walking on. I'm spending more time taking pictures. It's not what I really need right now (what I need is more of a social life), but it's helping.
Sober time is slow time. Everyone here swears it gets better. I hope so.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Please don't put yourself through that hell again. Remember where it always leads. You never find the relief you seek by using, it's a lie you've told yourself so many times - always with the same result. I fear that you might not make it back one of these times, and you are needed here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Please don't go back there Trish. YOu know the hell that comes from using and it's not worth it. Remember your last time and how awful you felt all over. Please do'nt put yourself thru that again.
lots of love:ghug3
lots of love:ghug3
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
My hair is one big matted mess. The inside of my mouth is full of sores from smoking. I look in the mirror and dont even recognize myself. Havent brushed my teeth or showered in 8 days. My fingers are all tore up and bloody from picking them. My lips are cracked and bleeding from being so chapped. A guy was stabbed and killed right where I was the other night. The cops have been watching me. I am one move away from death or jail. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I keep slipping in and out of conscienceness. I keep waking up talking to myself. My body is twitching. I am tore up like never before. My heart was pounding out of my chest the other night. I couldnt get it to slow down for anything. I thouhgt it was going to stop. Couldnt breathe. **** is so dirty and evil. My head itches. My eyes are on fire. I feel like I have a really bad sunburn all around my eyes. I need to rest right now.
Does any of this sound familiar Trish? Those are your words from the last time you went out of a binge. What happened to going to outpatient? I know you were doing everything in your power to get into inpatient but your insurance wouldn't approve it so you decided on outpatient. You said you were going to start going to Meetings, you were willing to go to any length. Trish, if nothing changes, nothing changes. It's that plain and simple.
I also think you're fooling yourself into believing that your "safe" once it's dark outside. When we are determined to use, we're like the postal system, nothing stands in our way, not rain, sleet, hail or snow. Hell, I walked in all of those to cop dope.
I wish to God you would check in here today. I am very concerned right now. Why? Because I care so very much about you. And I know how very powerful this disease can be when it gets ahold of us.
Praying like Crazy,
Judy
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
I am one move away from death or jail.
That would leave ...an institution...treatment..if you made it back.
Yep..check in, doll.
I won't write again till you show up. It hurts..and I am way too codie...hopefully,
you are not using.
:praying: Because I certainly am powerless over this. And you.
Sher
That would leave ...an institution...treatment..if you made it back.
Yep..check in, doll.
I won't write again till you show up. It hurts..and I am way too codie...hopefully,
you are not using.
:praying: Because I certainly am powerless over this. And you.
Sher
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
I look in here about once a week and have seen you grow increasingly despondent it seems, and now you are in a mode that makes me very concerned. Like you I was a strongly independent woman. Can be a great personal trait but not always that helpful in recovery.
I also had difficulty just adjusting to a slower pace than I was accustomed to. Thinking of you as well.
I also had difficulty just adjusting to a slower pace than I was accustomed to. Thinking of you as well.
Last edited by michelle01; 05-23-2009 at 06:01 PM.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I agree with Rowan. If I'm wrong, I sincerely apologize.
((Trish)) I love ya dearly, but I've got to admit, I feel pretty darned frustrated and hopeless right now. Hope to see you back SOON.
Luv ya!
Amy
((Trish)) I love ya dearly, but I've got to admit, I feel pretty darned frustrated and hopeless right now. Hope to see you back SOON.
Luv ya!
Amy
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
I have to agree. It's a great shame because I believe that this time she sincerely wanted it. But in truth I feel that it's already been in the works for a few weeks. I've been there myself, before I eventually worked out relapse prevention.
There is still so much ahead! Sure, I have regrets. Times and places in the past I wanted to go back and visit but they weren't there anymore. All that we really have is today and what we do with it. And today for me there is much I am grateful for. Took me awhile to be able to see it and fully appreciate it again, but it's there.
Be Thankful For What You Have. Before Your Sorry It's Gone. ~ Trish 2009
Last edited by michelle01; 05-23-2009 at 06:46 PM.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
