Day 1 recap
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 61
Day 1 recap
***Quick programming note - I can't get logged in under the Pete72 name so 9Iron it will be, for those of you that ready my other post***
Day 1 was much more difficult than I thought it would be. First some background. Sunday night my wife and I were having a few cocktails as usual and she got a call about a friend. It was a jarring reminder of her father passing away, very similar circumstances and she decided to drown it out. Well, the kids we're still up so I sent her up to bed so she wouldn't embarrass herself in front of them and I put them to bed shortly after. She came back down later wanting more. We had previously spoke about her starting her program when the kids get out of school in 2 1/2 weeks, but without much pushing on my end she agreed to go in the next day. I called her boss and made arrangements for her leave of absence then we both went to bed. She woke up around 3am, and I was awake anyway, knowing that in essence, that decision meant it was D-Day for me as well. I asked her if she remembered what last night meant, she did, and besides almost a full fledged panic attack the rest of D-Day minus 1 went uneventfully.
Then Day 1 began. I was as supportive as I could be in the morning as we scrambled to get the kids ready for school and her off to rehab. I'm very proud of her for deciding to get help. Me, however, I'm much more of a mess than I anticipated. My mind kept racing "never again, never again" not in any tone of triumph, but of sadness and remorse. I'm seeing an old friend off, hopefully never to be seen again although I will miss him very dearly. I get all of the booze out of the house. In fact, I didn't know what to do with it so it's just sitting in the trash can out front waiting to be away in a few hours. I wondered if I was setting myself a trap but letting it sit there all day. In fact, I think I wanted to set myself a trap. If I went out there and drag a bottle and drink it out of the trash can, then I know I screwed. I didn't, wasn't tempted to, so maybe there's hope for me yet.
All day though it was major anxiety, which really surprised me. I knew come the witching hour, after work around dinner time I'd want a drink. But I never drank during the day, so what the hell am I so anxious about? I had a ton of people I had to notify about the wife, so that's never an easy conversation. I remember looking at the clock, damn it it's only 2pm. When is bed time going to come?
The wife came home from her session and seemed to have a good day. I can't talk too much about it, hell she can't even tell me much about it, but it was again it was a good day. But she was off again for her evening session after a quick dinner.
Well, bedtime finally did roll around and I never contemplated having a drink at all. I never got over the anxiety, the gripping knot in the stomach that never goes away. I was never able to change the conversation in my brain as hard as I tried, "never again, never again", but talking with a friend in the program she said that takes quite a long time to go away depending on how bad off you are when you quit. Needless to say sleep didn't come for a long time, last time I looked at the clock it was after 3am. Between the ongoing conversation and the ongoing math quiz (If I fell asleep RIGHT NOW, I can still get 3 hours and 48 minutes of sleep. GO!) it was not a restful night.
Day 2 - I've been up for about an hour and a half getting the kids lunches ready and them ready to scoot out the door. I wanted to check in with the group before I left for work, which I'm actually going in today, working from home yesterday was probably a mistake. I feel less anxiety today than yesterday without a doubt, hopefully it was just decisions made by both myself and the wife that will necessarily change the lives of everyone in the family from May 18, 2009 forward. I would think little things like that would get the stomach churning a little bit.
That's all for now folks. 1 day down, the rest of my life to go. I'll keep you posted.
BTW - I know the advise that I'm likely to get is whenever I'm feeling anxious go to a meeting. Not practical for the next 4 weeks. I'm full time dad now and when I'm not I need to be at work. When they are not in school they are too young to leave home alone. I don't have any family in the area that I can call up. We don't have a babysitter because the wife was afraid to have anyone to the house in fear of being "found out". I've already told my boss the situation and she is understanding, but I'm realistically only available in person about 5 hours a day. They have their limits as well, and if i have to cut into that the suggestion will be to take a leave of absence. We're alrady down a big chunk of income with the wife being off, simple logistics says we can't lose ALL of our income. For the next little while, it's just me and you to get through this. I'm I'm still messed up 4 weeks from now then I get myself checked in. You don't mind giving me a hand with all of this do ya?
Day 1 was much more difficult than I thought it would be. First some background. Sunday night my wife and I were having a few cocktails as usual and she got a call about a friend. It was a jarring reminder of her father passing away, very similar circumstances and she decided to drown it out. Well, the kids we're still up so I sent her up to bed so she wouldn't embarrass herself in front of them and I put them to bed shortly after. She came back down later wanting more. We had previously spoke about her starting her program when the kids get out of school in 2 1/2 weeks, but without much pushing on my end she agreed to go in the next day. I called her boss and made arrangements for her leave of absence then we both went to bed. She woke up around 3am, and I was awake anyway, knowing that in essence, that decision meant it was D-Day for me as well. I asked her if she remembered what last night meant, she did, and besides almost a full fledged panic attack the rest of D-Day minus 1 went uneventfully.
Then Day 1 began. I was as supportive as I could be in the morning as we scrambled to get the kids ready for school and her off to rehab. I'm very proud of her for deciding to get help. Me, however, I'm much more of a mess than I anticipated. My mind kept racing "never again, never again" not in any tone of triumph, but of sadness and remorse. I'm seeing an old friend off, hopefully never to be seen again although I will miss him very dearly. I get all of the booze out of the house. In fact, I didn't know what to do with it so it's just sitting in the trash can out front waiting to be away in a few hours. I wondered if I was setting myself a trap but letting it sit there all day. In fact, I think I wanted to set myself a trap. If I went out there and drag a bottle and drink it out of the trash can, then I know I screwed. I didn't, wasn't tempted to, so maybe there's hope for me yet.
All day though it was major anxiety, which really surprised me. I knew come the witching hour, after work around dinner time I'd want a drink. But I never drank during the day, so what the hell am I so anxious about? I had a ton of people I had to notify about the wife, so that's never an easy conversation. I remember looking at the clock, damn it it's only 2pm. When is bed time going to come?
The wife came home from her session and seemed to have a good day. I can't talk too much about it, hell she can't even tell me much about it, but it was again it was a good day. But she was off again for her evening session after a quick dinner.
Well, bedtime finally did roll around and I never contemplated having a drink at all. I never got over the anxiety, the gripping knot in the stomach that never goes away. I was never able to change the conversation in my brain as hard as I tried, "never again, never again", but talking with a friend in the program she said that takes quite a long time to go away depending on how bad off you are when you quit. Needless to say sleep didn't come for a long time, last time I looked at the clock it was after 3am. Between the ongoing conversation and the ongoing math quiz (If I fell asleep RIGHT NOW, I can still get 3 hours and 48 minutes of sleep. GO!) it was not a restful night.
Day 2 - I've been up for about an hour and a half getting the kids lunches ready and them ready to scoot out the door. I wanted to check in with the group before I left for work, which I'm actually going in today, working from home yesterday was probably a mistake. I feel less anxiety today than yesterday without a doubt, hopefully it was just decisions made by both myself and the wife that will necessarily change the lives of everyone in the family from May 18, 2009 forward. I would think little things like that would get the stomach churning a little bit.
That's all for now folks. 1 day down, the rest of my life to go. I'll keep you posted.
BTW - I know the advise that I'm likely to get is whenever I'm feeling anxious go to a meeting. Not practical for the next 4 weeks. I'm full time dad now and when I'm not I need to be at work. When they are not in school they are too young to leave home alone. I don't have any family in the area that I can call up. We don't have a babysitter because the wife was afraid to have anyone to the house in fear of being "found out". I've already told my boss the situation and she is understanding, but I'm realistically only available in person about 5 hours a day. They have their limits as well, and if i have to cut into that the suggestion will be to take a leave of absence. We're alrady down a big chunk of income with the wife being off, simple logistics says we can't lose ALL of our income. For the next little while, it's just me and you to get through this. I'm I'm still messed up 4 weeks from now then I get myself checked in. You don't mind giving me a hand with all of this do ya?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Thanks for the update.
Stopping drinking is very hard. My suggestion is to try to not dwell on the 'forever' aspect of not drinking. Just stay focused on the day and in the moment. It's hard, but thinking about never drinking again can be overwhelming.
Stopping drinking is very hard. My suggestion is to try to not dwell on the 'forever' aspect of not drinking. Just stay focused on the day and in the moment. It's hard, but thinking about never drinking again can be overwhelming.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Nobody here minds helping you out !! My "grief" period lasted the first month, maybe a bit into the second month. It comes in stages. Some days you will be sad for the loss, some days you will be super angry that you can't just drink a little. The small triumphs in that first month are just the accomplishment you get making it through another day, knowing you are doing what is best for yourself and your family.
After that first phase is when the beauty of possibilities started creeping in (because I was also looking to change my life and my inner workings for the better)
Good on you and your wife for coming this far!
After that first phase is when the beauty of possibilities started creeping in (because I was also looking to change my life and my inner workings for the better)
Good on you and your wife for coming this far!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Troy, Va.
Posts: 29
I admire you so much for being such a supportive husband and devoted father. If I had been that lucky I would have been sober a long time ago. Please stay strong for you and your children. Your wife is moving in the right direction and you can do it too without the anxiety. Just keep a positive attitude and focus on your children. They need you now more than ever. SR is here for you friend.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Just for today...., think about it, today is the only day we can control any thing!!!
Why not give your local AA a call and tell them what is up, I would bet that a couple of guys would be more then happy to swing by your place and give you some phone numbers to call.
Between SR and them your odds would go way up. What ever you decide just take it a day at a time.
In real early sobriety I actually would make deals with myself when the obsession for a drink would be working on me hard. I would tell myself "Look man, just do not drink today, you can always have a drink tomorrow if you want too."
Why not give your local AA a call and tell them what is up, I would bet that a couple of guys would be more then happy to swing by your place and give you some phone numbers to call.
Between SR and them your odds would go way up. What ever you decide just take it a day at a time.
In real early sobriety I actually would make deals with myself when the obsession for a drink would be working on me hard. I would tell myself "Look man, just do not drink today, you can always have a drink tomorrow if you want too."
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Sounds like things are off to an awesome start! And I hope that YOU also get the support you need. We all put a sh**load of time, money, and energy into our drinking.. often neglecting many parts of and people in our lives. Imagine if you put all that effort into your recovery, how great it might just be! Your kids will really appreciate this .. trust me on that.
Thanks for the update, and of course we're here for you.. we always are!
Thanks for the update, and of course we're here for you.. we always are!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Congrats on your first day!! You sound like a winner to me as you did not let what was going on stop the stop. The good part about not drinking is that it gets easier and easier until you just don't miss it anymore. I can remember when I drank to relieve stress, it was very temporary and payback for that short term relief is always much worse.
Please keep in touch!
Please keep in touch!
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
Congratulations Steve!
You certainly have a lot on your plate but you seem very organized, willing and committed to carrying all of this through. You are doing a bang up job! I know it's a very difficult time for you and your wife, but it will get easier as time passes.
I liked Tazman's idea about getting a few phone numbers, but if you are doing well enough with SR then keep it that up. We are all here for you. Keep us posted Steve and congratulations to you again.
You certainly have a lot on your plate but you seem very organized, willing and committed to carrying all of this through. You are doing a bang up job! I know it's a very difficult time for you and your wife, but it will get easier as time passes.
I liked Tazman's idea about getting a few phone numbers, but if you are doing well enough with SR then keep it that up. We are all here for you. Keep us posted Steve and congratulations to you again.
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