Toomutch

Maybe I should be posting threads like this one in Friends and Family; but I decided to share here. After all it is related to my recovery as well.

My sister is an alcoholic, a mean alcoholic. She lost her 16 year old son in November when he was placed in Juvie for 3 months for several reasons; stealing (to keep the heat and electric on) because my sister never came home. She had shacked up with some guy and left my Nephew to fend for himself. He also developed a drug problem of his own. My sister is a verbally and emotionally abusive person.

My brother has my nephew now and has him on a VERY short leash, he has already failed a ua and done some other things to violate his parole. He actually has a hearing today, I'm not sure what will happen.

I blame his mom for everything. This will sound harsh but I am disgusted with her.

We haven't been talking since I called 911 on her because she was threatening suicide over the phone. She has called me drunk a few time since then being an absolute b*tch. She called me on mother’s day and left an over the top sugary sweet message, I could tell she had been drinking but I made the mistake of calling her back the next day. She answered the phone saying "what do you want"! I told her I was returning her call; she said she never called me and tore into me as a person, hitting me where it hurts. Dismissing my health issues, and on and on. I was awful.

She by the way lives in a home (she is back there now since her son is with by brother shacking up with some guy). Her house is fully paid for. My mom bought it for her with cash when my nephew was a baby so they would have a nice place to live. Mom has also bought her a couple of cars. So my sister sits over there with only water and electric to pay, but spends all her money on booze. She has run her house into the ground, it is simply disgusting.

Anyway I have made a decision... I have severed all ties with my sister!!! The only way she will ever be part of my life again will be if she decides she wants help; at that point I will be there for her.

It might sound like the pot calling the kettle black and so be it. I will not allow someone to attack me to my core anymore. I am through with my sister!!!

parentrecovers

i think sometimes it is best to walk away. not easy, but best. all you can do is lead by good example, and hope that your sister understands that you will be there when she is ready to recover. until then, i agree - stay out of the chaos.

hugs, k

flutter

I'm so proud of you Suz.. it's so important for you to take care of YOU.

Bamboozle

Yeah, you have to take care of yourself, Toomutch.



You are in the midst of recovery right now and your sister is not. This is definetly not a pot and kettle thing.

Impurrfect

((Suzette))

Just because people are related to us, does not mean we have to tolerate them treating us badly.

I'm glad you are detaching from her and her behavior. You have every right to do this. You DO deserve to be treated with love and respect..by her or anyone else you choose to allow in your life.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Aysha

You are doin exactly what you should do.
You should know from experience what you need to do.
I thought by my dad staying away from me in my addiction that he didnt care.
But he told me when he started talking to me again. That he knows I am not goin to do anything until I am done and ready to do it for myself.
That I had enough enablers and he needed to let me fall on my own. And I agree 100%.
If my grams would have not bailed me out and enabled me all my life. I do believe I may not have gotten as bad as I did for so long.
I do not blame her for my addiction. I just dont think her doin what she did helped at all.

So for yourself first and foremost. You do what you have to do.

dedubya

dont put up with that crap- you are helping her by not enabling. wow- what a weird situation- guess we all go through things. youre a sweetie.
dub

prettypoison

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have an older sister who is an alcoholic and drug addict. She's been pretty deep in her disease for almost 15 years. My mom (who is 68) is raising her 5 year-old son. She lost custody her older son years ago and he lives with his dad. My mom continues to bail her out of DUI's, drug charges, gives her a place to live when she's not shacking up somewhere, pays for vehicle repairs, etc. etc. She abuses all help she receives, but my mom is too caught up in enabling her to see it. It's very sad. I finally gave up and decided to sever ties with my sister too. It's painful to watch and frustrating as well -- the kids always pay the price.

Whether it's right or wrong I've dealt with it the best I could over the years, but when it started to make me emotionally sick, I had to cut her off. She would call me drunk too and cry the blues about her life. I would offer help and the next day she would blow me off like nothing was wrong and I'm just freaking out about nothing. This was one of the most difficult decisions I've had to make when I decided to take care of myself first. All toxic relationships had to go. I hope things work out for you (your sister and nephew as well). Sending prayers for you!

least

You must do whatever is best for YOU. I think it's a healthy decision to sever ties with her as long as her attitude and behavior is so destructive.

:ghug3

shaun00

i hope she finds the courage somewhere to get sober....

its a tough call.......if it hepls i would have done the same.......but its easy for me too say that... cos i dont feel your feelings and it aint my sister.

maybe god will guide her like he has you.........in time.

maybe its time for you to step back.......take a deep breath and have some time for you......

take care my friend and god be with you

jamdls

Good for you! It's a tough thing to do but you've got to take care of you. My daughter pretty much abandoned me when I was drinking and it was the right thing for her to do, she has gradually over the last 2 years let me back into her life and I love and admire her for not letting me bring her down to where I was.

J

dedubya

wow- that was a completely cool post. thanks. made me think....sounds familiar sort of.

mamabin

I'm so sorry you had to make that decision. But you are right, she is toxic. I did the same thing with my toxic older sister. It's been a year. My family thinks I'm holding a grudge. They just don't get it. She has hurt me my whole life. The final straw came when she told my daughter that I was seeing my now husband before I left her father. Who does that? She even goes out with my ex husband who emotionally abused me for 13 years. And my family thinks I should keep the peace. Ummmmmm...no
So I completely understand.

And my sister is bipolar and my mother pays most of her bills. I've even bought her groceries when I really couldn't afford to. And she spends her money on pot.

So don't listen to anyone else, take care of yourself first. That's my take on it.


I feel better now that I don't have to cringe when the phone rings.

joedris

Suze, You did exactly the right thing. Good decision. Your plate is pretty full w/o having to tote around the excess baggage of an out of control sister. Let her deal with her own mess. She made it, now let her clean it up. You take care of Suze.

lovinmenow

Hey Girl,
I live 1000 miles away from my family....for a reason!

serenityqueen

Suzette, I'm very proud of you for making this decision, I know you have struggled with this for quite some time. Just because someone is related to us does not mean that we have to tolerate being treated like that. I know for myself, one of the many reasons that I stayed sick for so long is that I tolerated some of my family members treating me like sh*t. I never spoke up for myself, I let these people degrade me, humilate me and in turn I began to believe that I wasn't worthy of being loved or even treated with respect.

As far as feeling like it's the pot calling the kettle black, you're in Recovery, you've stopped drinking for over a year now, you are working on your issues and part of those issues is taking care of yourself. You did what you had to do for you.

God Bless & a big Hug,
Judy

coffeenut

Hey....I've had to do that to 2 family members. Yeah, sometimes my heart breaks for those relationships, but really....not so much! I don't need/want their drama. I just don't. I don't let friends treat me like crap, why should I let family?

Your sober time is Awesome....it's giving you strength.

Hevyn

It wasn't working the way it was going, Suzette, so maybe you pulling back like this is what she needs. It might be the wake up call that makes her face reality at some point down the line. Probably not for awhile, she doesn't sound ready - but someday! It's so good that you won't allow yourself to be tormented anymore by that situation.

mikefreak

Yeah, right now she is a toxic tar baby.......Sorry.

Toomutch

Now my sister has been calling blocking her number, just to bully me while she is drunk... Arghh! Oh well, if I see the caller ID reads private caller, I dont answer.