Killing Eachother
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Phoenix Arizona
Posts: 24
Killing Eachother
Hi Everyone, Im new here and Im so glad to have found such a great wealth of information and suppotive people on here.
A little backround on me. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and have pretty much been heavy drinkers the entire time. For the last couple years things have gotten worse and our drinking increased to 5 or more nights a week. We both gained weight and have been falling deeper and deeper into depression and our health is slipping. We are only 28 years old and enough is enough.
My main question is .. How do we deal with two people addicted to the same thing living under the same roof? We both desperately want to get sober (we did for a year but started again) But it seems on days im strong , my husband is weak and vice versa and so we end up giving into eachother. We talk about AA but when we are sober get the mentality of "we can do it on our own"
My hubby and I are BEST BUDS, but when it comes to drinking, we are killing eachother
Any advice and help would be appreciated.
A little backround on me. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and have pretty much been heavy drinkers the entire time. For the last couple years things have gotten worse and our drinking increased to 5 or more nights a week. We both gained weight and have been falling deeper and deeper into depression and our health is slipping. We are only 28 years old and enough is enough.
My main question is .. How do we deal with two people addicted to the same thing living under the same roof? We both desperately want to get sober (we did for a year but started again) But it seems on days im strong , my husband is weak and vice versa and so we end up giving into eachother. We talk about AA but when we are sober get the mentality of "we can do it on our own"
My hubby and I are BEST BUDS, but when it comes to drinking, we are killing eachother
Any advice and help would be appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
welcome!!!
Well, considering your track record of you and your husband being your own support system, perhaps you might consider outside support. AA, maybe?
Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
Well, considering your track record of you and your husband being your own support system, perhaps you might consider outside support. AA, maybe?
Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi and Welcome!
I really, really believe that you need to focus on yourself. I know when I began recovery, I needed all my energy to focus on getting me through each day and each week. And, I would not have wanted to pin my hopes on someone else's success. You should focus on getting yourself sober and let your husband follow your example.
I really, really believe that you need to focus on yourself. I know when I began recovery, I needed all my energy to focus on getting me through each day and each week. And, I would not have wanted to pin my hopes on someone else's success. You should focus on getting yourself sober and let your husband follow your example.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
My husband and I were just like you two. This was many years ago - he has passed away. We had a great time partying, but in our 30's the alcohol began to be poison to us. Nothing was fun anymore, the euphoria and escape we sought was no longer there. We didn't have the sense to give up drinking - we just kept trying to regain what we once had. We tried different types of drinks, limiting ourselves to weekends (it never worked), even increased our intake thinking we weren't drinking enough to get a buzz - how insane is that? We didn't realize our tolerance was huge. I continued playing with it long after I lost him - and it got me 3 DUI's and created chaos in my life and with my relationships. If only we'd had the sense to do what you're doing now. My son grew up without a father thanks to this disease. This never has to happen to you, SpaSlave. You can turn it all around. Anna's advice is right - you must look after yourself. I do think it's harder to quit when only one is trying to, though. Congratulations on making this life changing decision - SR has helped this veteran drinker stay sober for 16 mos. It can be done, and we will help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Phoenix Arizona
Posts: 24
Thanks so much for the advice and I do agree. Im the type to put myself last, but If I am ever going to get sober I need to realize that Im the only one who can fix me and control me. Im just scared out of my mind to attend my first AA meeting. Thanks again for the help.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Wow. Your post touched my heart. My hubby and I were drinking buddies, too. For a heck of a lot longer than you and your husband. I so wish we would have gotten our act together the way you want to, now.
I do know this: You gotta focus on YOU and only you. If you try to do it together, you'll end up enabling yourselves to keep drinking.
You don't HAVE to do AA (but I do think you should give it a try).... if you don't, you'd better have a strong support system and be willing to read EVERYTHING out there. SR can be a lifeline.
The advice you have gotten from the above posters, is golden.
I wish you the very, very best.
I do know this: You gotta focus on YOU and only you. If you try to do it together, you'll end up enabling yourselves to keep drinking.
You don't HAVE to do AA (but I do think you should give it a try).... if you don't, you'd better have a strong support system and be willing to read EVERYTHING out there. SR can be a lifeline.
The advice you have gotten from the above posters, is golden.
I wish you the very, very best.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Hmmm. "We talk about AA. But when we are sober we get the mentality that we can do it on our own" Seems as if this isn't working. Why not stay in AA after you sober up? You're not having any luck on your own.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 367
It's hard to quit when your partner is still drinking but it can be done.
I'm doing just that.
First of all, if you want to quit drinking you must do it for yourself.
Your sobriety is the most important thing.
You can't let situations or others interfere with your choice of sobriety.
I decided to quit the booze back in January with or without my wife.
We are also 'best buds'...
It was kinda tough at first... the temptation to pick one up with her was immense, but my desire to NOT drink won.
You know what though?
Her intake of alcohol has dropped off considerably over the last few months (I think I was the real 'hard core').
She might get a six pack a couple of times a week now.
Also, she tells me now that I'm not drinking every night, the desire to drink every night just isn't there for her any more.
Of course, I would be very happy if she just quit entirely. But that's not up to me nor is it my decision to make.
By the way WELCOME to SR !!
This site sure helped me quit. I hope you stick around SpaSlave.
I'm doing just that.
First of all, if you want to quit drinking you must do it for yourself.
Your sobriety is the most important thing.
You can't let situations or others interfere with your choice of sobriety.
I decided to quit the booze back in January with or without my wife.
We are also 'best buds'...
It was kinda tough at first... the temptation to pick one up with her was immense, but my desire to NOT drink won.
You know what though?
Her intake of alcohol has dropped off considerably over the last few months (I think I was the real 'hard core').
She might get a six pack a couple of times a week now.
Also, she tells me now that I'm not drinking every night, the desire to drink every night just isn't there for her any more.
Of course, I would be very happy if she just quit entirely. But that's not up to me nor is it my decision to make.
By the way WELCOME to SR !!
This site sure helped me quit. I hope you stick around SpaSlave.
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
Welcome!!
It's great that you have taken the time to indentify a desire to stop drinking. Attending AA meetings might be a good place to receive the support you need from people who have been where you at and have found a new way to live.
It's great that you have taken the time to indentify a desire to stop drinking. Attending AA meetings might be a good place to receive the support you need from people who have been where you at and have found a new way to live.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 437
Hi Spaslave,
Welcome and I too had my husband as a drinking buddy. My husband always drank and I came to the conclusion if you can't beat em, join em. Well I surpassed him because his system was already maxed. Anyway I quit and he still drinks. You can do this if you want to. You are lucky in that your husband wants to quit also. My husband wants to quit but doesn't seem to be able to. His hangovers are becoming worse. Good luck and will get alot of support here.
Welcome and I too had my husband as a drinking buddy. My husband always drank and I came to the conclusion if you can't beat em, join em. Well I surpassed him because his system was already maxed. Anyway I quit and he still drinks. You can do this if you want to. You are lucky in that your husband wants to quit also. My husband wants to quit but doesn't seem to be able to. His hangovers are becoming worse. Good luck and will get alot of support here.
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