Help Me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 27
Help Me
Where do I begin. I almost had two years in March and blew it. I got back on and blew it again over the weekend. I don't want to drink I want to be normal so badly. I guess I just can't do this alone. Meetings are not enough. My sponsor is lousy and most of all I get no support from my wife. She wont go to al anon meetings and wont come with me to any of my meetings. Maybe I do need rehab. Just how do I tell my 5 kids that daady has to go away for a while? Meanwhile Im miserable. Something has got to be better than this pit in my stomach wich just doesnt want to heal. Any ideas would help.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,506
Hi Arthur,
I'm sorry that you are so discouraged, but there is lots of hope. You have two sober years behind you and you can do it again.
I'm not an AA person, but it seems that if you're not happy with your sponsor, maybe you can find someone who suits you better. And, lots of us here don't get support from our spouses. That's one of the reasons why we find so much support here. We do understand how hard it is.
I'm sorry that you are so discouraged, but there is lots of hope. You have two sober years behind you and you can do it again.
I'm not an AA person, but it seems that if you're not happy with your sponsor, maybe you can find someone who suits you better. And, lots of us here don't get support from our spouses. That's one of the reasons why we find so much support here. We do understand how hard it is.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
So sorry Arthur. Can you do the inpatient rehab you spoke of? I know it may be hard to be away from your kids for that length of time but what a gift you'll be giving them. You definitely must take it a step further if AA isn't cutting it for you. I wish you all the strength and bravery it may take for you to take that leap of faith into recovery. You can do it Arthur.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Sorry you are having so many difficulties....
Have you considered going to different meetings
and finding a neew sponsor?
Perhaps finding an addiction counselor?
You have proven you can quit...use that time
as a base for a fresh start.
Blessings to you and your family
Have you considered going to different meetings
and finding a neew sponsor?
Perhaps finding an addiction counselor?
You have proven you can quit...use that time
as a base for a fresh start.
Blessings to you and your family
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NW Ohio
Posts: 164
DITTO on what has already been said. If your sponsor isn't the one for you, it's ok....look for another one. Get other sober people's phone numbers and call them if your sponsor isn't available. Go to lots of different meetings, work the steps diligently. The thing with family is they don't understand what we go thru. And to be fair, we don't understand them. I'm not sure what to say there, because we can't MAKE them do anything or go anywhere (Al-Anon).
I went to inpatient treatment and was there for 2 1/2 weeks. That was almost a year ago. I still go back there once a week for their "Alumni" meeting that we have for the present inpatients.
I once had 7 years and blew it. I am back at doing what I've been told to do and by the Grace of God will have 1 year again on Friday. But right now, I've got today and you've got today. Welcome to SR!
I went to inpatient treatment and was there for 2 1/2 weeks. That was almost a year ago. I still go back there once a week for their "Alumni" meeting that we have for the present inpatients.
I once had 7 years and blew it. I am back at doing what I've been told to do and by the Grace of God will have 1 year again on Friday. But right now, I've got today and you've got today. Welcome to SR!
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Arthur, there are many people here who have struggled for many, many years before they "got it" . . . one of them being me. I know how it is to have some time built up and then pick up. The guilt and shame kept me picking up again and again. I finally had to let go so I could move on.
If you have the opportunity to go into treatment, I hope you take advantage of it. Wondering what to tell your kids? I imagine that they know you have had a problem with alcohol, just tell them the truth. You don't have to go into details about having two years and then picking up again. Just let them know that you are going somewhere to get some help so you don't drink. Kids are very smart, they realize alot more than we give them credit for, no matter how old they are.
There's nothing that says you have to stick with a Sponsor who you are not getting the help from that you need. Find a new one. If you are still in contact with the Sponsor you have now, just let him know that you appreciate what he's done for you but you're going to work with someone else now. No detailed explanations needed. Many of us go through a few Sponsors before we find that one we can click with.
Keep posting with us, read through the different forums and whatever you do, just don't drink today.
God Bless,
Judy
If you have the opportunity to go into treatment, I hope you take advantage of it. Wondering what to tell your kids? I imagine that they know you have had a problem with alcohol, just tell them the truth. You don't have to go into details about having two years and then picking up again. Just let them know that you are going somewhere to get some help so you don't drink. Kids are very smart, they realize alot more than we give them credit for, no matter how old they are.
There's nothing that says you have to stick with a Sponsor who you are not getting the help from that you need. Find a new one. If you are still in contact with the Sponsor you have now, just let him know that you appreciate what he's done for you but you're going to work with someone else now. No detailed explanations needed. Many of us go through a few Sponsors before we find that one we can click with.
Keep posting with us, read through the different forums and whatever you do, just don't drink today.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Arthur,
As others have said, and as you well know, recovery is a tough deal. Let me ask, in that nearly two years, did you thoroughly take the steps? Did you keep practicing 10,11,12 in all your affairs? Meetings are not the program of recovery suggested in AA.
I'm guessing not, just based on your complaints about your sponsor and your wife. Pages 60-64 talks about the alcoholic's need to have everyone act as we see fit. Later on the book, in Working with Others, it emphatically claims that wife or no wife, job or no job, all of us can get and stay sober. You are not the product of your circumstance.
If you haven't thoroughly taken all of those steps, I can promise you a life changing result when you do. Or, even if you have taken them, a new experience with them can be a wonderful thing. If that sponsor let you get away without doing them for two years, you need to find someone new. Someone who can walk with you through the steps from start to finish. Rehab can be good, but it's far from a miracle. After the 28 days or whatever, you still have to stay sober and deal with life.
As others have said, and as you well know, recovery is a tough deal. Let me ask, in that nearly two years, did you thoroughly take the steps? Did you keep practicing 10,11,12 in all your affairs? Meetings are not the program of recovery suggested in AA.
I'm guessing not, just based on your complaints about your sponsor and your wife. Pages 60-64 talks about the alcoholic's need to have everyone act as we see fit. Later on the book, in Working with Others, it emphatically claims that wife or no wife, job or no job, all of us can get and stay sober. You are not the product of your circumstance.
If you haven't thoroughly taken all of those steps, I can promise you a life changing result when you do. Or, even if you have taken them, a new experience with them can be a wonderful thing. If that sponsor let you get away without doing them for two years, you need to find someone new. Someone who can walk with you through the steps from start to finish. Rehab can be good, but it's far from a miracle. After the 28 days or whatever, you still have to stay sober and deal with life.
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