Sweets79

Thanks Trucker and Weasel...I wouldn't even say I had a happy mood yet, just decent...as far as going up and down, I guess my decent, tolerable mood was my up...It's mostly down...depression/confusion/dread/hopelessness/anger...etc...There's maybe a few hours of the day where it lifts a little, but no happy moods yet...I don't expect it to happen right now...thanks for your words of advice..it does give me some faith

joedris

Sweets, Of course I read your previous post. Seeing a therapist is a good thing, but it's much different that AA. Ask about it at your therapy meeting. And a lot of folks before me also suggested AA, so there must be some value in it. And don't worry, you won't br overloading youself. Anyway, I'm rooting for you.

Sweets79

Thanks Joe...well this particular program does group therapy along with indivdual counseling for alcoholism...I will get some info there on AA...Like I said I had tried to find meetings on the local website, but there wasn't anything in my area, maybe they judt didn't update it, who knows....I'm sure I can get more info if I call the number...Whatever meetings they had posted on the site were for 08 and they only seemed to be once a month...I don't know how far the meetings are, and I prefer an all women's meeting...again don't know how far from me that is...Just looking to see what this is about tomm...It's a start.

Tommyh

yep,had them for a long while
aa and the 12 steps was the only thing i found that fixed the problem..and now I am fairly leveled out and happly sober...and sober is a natural way to live today...

dabears34

Yesterday and today, I have been a flaming ball of rage for apparently no reason whatsoever. Normally, I would have dragged that rage to a bar and taken it out on 6 22oz glasses of unsuspecting Labatt's Blue, 3 shots of Jack Daniels and a bottle of Chardonnay. And last night I wanted to, but I couldn't. Well, I could have, but I was able to quickly dismiss that as a solution and forced myself to just stew in it. I have been trying to lose weight/eat healthier lately, and have been salad and fruit guy all week, so I said "eff it" and went to Arby's and got the biggest most baconey cheese thing they had. I ate it and the curly fries and felt a little better, for awhile, then the rage bubbled back up. I had been a snippy, snarky ******* at work all day, and I was feeling bad about that, which just fueled the rage further. I went for a vigorous 20 minute run on the treadmill... and about a half hour after I was finished endorphins came to the rescue and I felt pretty dang good the rest of the night. But when I woke up this morning, low and behold, the knot was in my stomach and the rage had returned. I have been talking myself out of it all afternoon, and I seem to be returning to an equilibrium of sorts. I guess my point is, I think this is part of the recovery process... instead of hitting the bar when I feel like this (and feeling like this is normal, everyone has bad days/weeks/phases) just ride it out or cope with it in some other way than drinking myself into oblivion.

keithj

I'm not sure about that. Sure, some days I don't enjoy what life has in store for me. And I do recall some days in early sobriety where I said the 3rd step over and over and over, but I would not consider your description as a necessary part of the recovery process.

Sweets79

Oh my God, that is exactly how I have been...but I know why I am enraged and angry and all the other great stuff... I can't deal with these emotions and I have no liquor.....Before I felt like I was gonna jump out of my skin..felt like screaming...Rage is the word, yeah that's what I feel alot of...well that and the wonderful feelings of depression/low self esteem/dread/hopelessness/anger/ asking myself why did this jerk do this this,why that... I could go on and on...I am also trying to eat healthy, because I feel like sh*t ever since I gained some weight, and that makes me not want to do anything, my clothes are all tight, so the sooner I lose some weight the better...but it's tough trying to lose weight AND not drink...I am not going super strict with it...just eating healthier...One hour I will be ok, and by ok I mean barely ok, and the next I want to bang my head against the wall or punch things and cry ugh...riding it out is what I seem to be having a problem with...NO MATTER what I do, it bores me, I keep thinking about what's driving me nuts, and I can't concentrate on anything else...I know people suggest reading a book, going for a walk, talking on the phone, watching tv, yeah great... can't do it, I try and I just get more pissed off, nothing holds my attention...I just keep thinking about what's making me nuts and I have no poison to numb it up...I know I sound so difficult, but doing those little things is not helping me whatsoever...The only thing that has been helping me get along is posting on SR...I am thankful for that, but I feel like I'm at my witts end, I don't wanna cave, but this is f*(&*&g hard! Pardon my French

Sweets79

I know I need more than the alcohol...ofcourse I don't just want it for the point of having it...It's dealing with emotions that I numbed up for so long that I am finding unbearable to handle without liquor...I know the alcohol isn't going to solve anything...I am just not used to feeling like this, and having a hard time coping...but I haven't had a drink yet, so I'm doing ok for now.

Sweets79

I know I need more than the alcohol...ofcourse I don't just want it for the point of having it...I never magically felt happy with it, it just gave me a slight lift, apparently a lift that it seems almost impossible to do without, but I am doing it.....It's dealing with emotions that I numbed up for so long that I am finding unbearable to handle without liquor...I know the alcohol isn't going to solve anything...I am just not used to feeling like this, and having a hard time coping...but I haven't had a drink yet, so I'm doing ok for now.

firestorm090

I think I had a mood swing, but I'm not sure, it happened so quick.

weasel

That was the hardest thing for me.I hadn't felt emotions for so long,I don't think I knew how to cry,be happy,sad, or anything else for that matter.As I got sober,I started feeling again.It was at times,overwhelming. By this time,I was is AA,and had both group individual therapy.AA and the individual therapy were the biggest and most effective for me.For me, being rigorously honest,just give up any and all fight that I had.I was brought to my knees,and I surrendered.

One thing that I have learned along the way,is that you have to jump in the middle of your recovery,including AA.My sponsor had me take on a secretary
position for my group.I did this for 7 or 8 months.I missed 2 days when my mom died.The reason for the service work is you have a reason to make it to do your job (aside from the obvious) that kept me going back.I treated it just like my real job.Gotta get in there and get dirty!! Half measures availed us nothing.Go to a meeting,if you don't like what you see or hear,go to another one till you find the group that you feel comfortable.Meet people,make some new friends.You will year YOUR story told by other people.The stories are almost the same,just the details are different.