Sweets79

I was just pondering this...And by no means does this post promote drinking whatsoever, I would just like some feedback...If sobriety is so wonderful...Why did I start drinking in the first place? All the emotions that I couldn't handle, I found alcohol numbed for me...I think the drinking goes very deep...I need to find out how to actually be happy sober, I know many of you said that sobriety is great...but I don't think being sober for any amount of time now will make me enjoy life.....If I wasn't happy sober before, how can I be happy now? Especially after getting used to drowning my sorrows in alcohol...I remember at one point I hardly touched alcohol, never even thought about it...but apparently when my life took a bad turn for a few years and I got very hurt and depressed I started drinking...I'm not happy being sober, and I'm not happy drinking, (only puts in a decent mood temporarily until it wears off ofcourse)So what I'm asking is, besides quitting drinking alone, do you think therapy or something else is necessary in order for me to be happy living a sober life? Thanks.

flutter

Maybe you just never learned other coping skills (before you drank..), and now you have that chance.. I don't think anyone here will tell you that once you take away alcohol that anything gets 'fixed'. That's why the support of counseling, meetings, whatever.. is so important. Sobriety is an entirely different way of life.. it's not just about abstinence from alcohol and drugs. We've depended on chemical coping skills for much too long to know how to do this by ourselves.

Other than not drinking, how are you changing your life? I had to completely change mine, learn new coping skills, make new friends (erase the toxic people!), find new hobbies. I am not even a shadow of the person I was for the past 10 years. It's like starting from scratch, and none of us can make it up as we go, all by ourselves.

What assistance are you supported by in your journey? That's the key, for me.

Oh, and to answer more specifically other than what I've already said.. I am also in individual counseling with an addictions psychologist 2x a week.

Mark75

uh.. YES!!!

Sweets... Your post will get many enthusiastic replies...

I didn't find out how to be happy, I am learning how... It is what recovery is all about. It is what this site is all about...

AA is a popular and effective way to help people learn, face to face and with a 12 step process... There are others. I am sure therapy helps some, but most therapist will refer you to AA anyway...

Great question!

Mark

adore79

I can only give my experience as to why I started drinking in the first place. Ever since I first drank at 13 or 14 I knew I would drink as much as I could when I could, and I did.

Therapy has helped me somewhat, but I think that could help anyone struggling with life issues, not just alcoholics. I see many people in AA who I consider to be happy and living full lives. These are people who have worked the 12 steps and have had a spiritual awakening. They maintain their sobriety and happiness by helping others.

Gypsy Feet

Yes, I think there is work to be done for most of us, whether it is therapy or recovery program. I had missed out on lots of "life skills" for coping and being happy independently. I believe I missed out on them because when I was sad, I drank. When I was happy I drank. When I was stressed, well you get the idea. I am reading lots involving how to change my thinking so that I can be ok feeling things now. I am learning to deal with, and then let go, things that make me unhappy or angry, and how to embrace thoughts that put me in a more positive frame of mind.

Rowan

I'll tell you one thing - I wouldn't be going to all these meetings, working those Steps, crying my eyes out talking about my FEELINGS, if there wasn't SOME sort of payoff!

Yes - a thousand times YES, it's worth it. Every tear, every shred of pain. And yes, it's going to be painful, as you have seen.

For me it took outside help (LOTS), tons of meetings, solid sponsorship, helping others (in or outside of the program), and trusting in the process. Lots more - but I don't want to overwhelm you.

Keep reaching out - and try to focus on the solution - which is sobriety. Hang in there - YOU are worth it!

serenityqueen

Anvil said it beautifully. But you all know me, I always have something to say! lol

Just removing alcohol from our systems is just a small part of getting Sober and living a happy life in Recovery. For so many years, I just removed the drugs and alcohol and I was miserable. Why? Because then I had to feel every bit of the pain that I was using/drinking to numb, even if it was just temporary.

For me, the only way that I have found happiness without ingesting all of those poisons was through AA and NA. You can't just go to Meetings, I tried that too. I had to work the Steps with complete honesty, even though at times it brought up more pain than I thought I could bear. But I got through it. Facing these issues that caused me to pick up in the first place & working through them was the most freeing thing I have ever done in my life.

It is about learning to live again. But I can honestly say that I would never, ever want to go back to just one day using, even the best day I thought I ever had drunk/high. Feeling life's ups and downs for me is such a Blessing. When I face a tough situation, once I work through it and don't pick up, there is such a sense of triumph that is unimaginable.

Please, seek out AA Meetings, get a Sponsor, be honest, open minded and willing, work the Steps with everything you have and just take things One Day at A Time and eventually you will be able to understand just what the h*ll I'm talking about! lol Sometimes it's hard to find the words to express just how grateful I am for the life I am living today, even though it is far from perfect.

Hang in There,
Judy

Sweets79

That's the part I'm working on now...thinking of what I need to do to change my life...first off I know from now on I have to be careful who I let into my life, and rid myself of whoever is toxic to me now...New friends is definitely something I need, and finding hobbies is essential...it seems like there are so many hours in the day when I'm not drinking, because my mind is constantly going and the emotions really raw..it is like starting from scratch...It's the motivation I'm lacking right now to do these things...to even think about them seems like a chore...

As far as having support, I have one TRUE friend who's supportive, and my mother...but no one truly understands this addiction unless they've been through it, that's why I appreciate SR so much...I was thinking about AA...I've been to ALANON meetings before, but to be honest, there were alot of guys who were kind of creepy, almost like they were just there looking for vulnerable women..Don't get me wrong, there were some nice people there, but it really wasn't for me...So right now my major support system is SR.

Sweets79

I hope to learn how too...Thanks Mark

Sweets79

I agree with everything you've said...I know I need to change my thinking to even begin to be happy for myself...DEALING WITH and LETTING GO and realizing I don't have CONTROL over certain things that I wish I could have control over is something I MUST learn how to do now...It seems much easier said than done, I wish I knew how to do it.

Sweets79

Thank you all for your wonderful, inspirational words...I think AA would be a good step for me..I had posted before there are no meetings in my area..(just my luck)...I would like to join an all women's meeting....I have to call and get some info on when and where they are...I have a feeling I might have to drive a little bit, but I don't care about that..I just want to start working on being sober and HAPPY...I don't want to just tolerate the days without drinking like I am now...I wanna be able to ENJOY and be HAPPY being sober...I hope I will find my way there.

Pinkcuda

Alcohol wasn't the problem. I was the problem.
Having said that, I am an Alcoholic. I can not stop drinking. I can however learn to live life as a sober person and remove the reasons I turn to alcohol as a natural reaction to everything in the first place. This is what we do in AA.
Since I can't stop drinking once started, the obvious solution is to not start. That is made possible through AA and 12 steps.

Sweets79

[QUOTE=flutter;2217404]Maybe you just never learned other coping skills (before you drank..), and now you have that chance.. I don't think anyone here will tell you that once you take away alcohol that anything gets 'fixed'. That's why the support of counseling, meetings, whatever.. is so important. Sobriety is an entirely different way of life.. it's not just about abstinence from alcohol and drugs. We've depended on chemical coping skills for much too long to know how to do this by ourselves.

Other than not drinking, how are you changing your life? I had to completely change mine, learn new coping skills, make new friends (erase the toxic people!), find new hobbies. I am not even a shadow of the person I was for the past 10 years. It's like starting from scratch, and none of us can make it up as we go, all by ourselves.

What assistance are you supported by in your journey? That's the key, for me.

Oh, and to answer more specifically other than what I've already said.. I am also in individual counseling with an addictions psychologist 2x a week.[/QUOTE]

I am definitely going to look into that...I tend to like one on one therapy...changing my way of thinking will be a real project...it might be like that for everyone, but I feel so stuck in this mindframe, I don't know how much time/therapy or whatever else I'm going to need to start having a new way of thinking.

PXYZ

We are sick people , sober or drunk our illness is present . Living without alcohol is just first little step .

least

I went to AA when in very early sobriety, but now don't go near as much, tho I will always be welcome when I come back. Mostly I rely on SR and my wonderful addictions counselor I see once a week. She's fantastic. Intelligent, helpful, understanding - everything I need. And I was blessed to have her from the start. I would strongly suggest a good counselor, especially one trained in addiction therapy, cause they not only understand counseling, but understand addictions and how they work on us.

My counselor was appointed by the addiction agency she works for, cause they sent me to rehab. (three times last year!) And I was not a very willing or cooperative subject at first, cause I was still drinking. Once I got and stayed sober my counseling did much more good cause I was putting lots of effort into participating and like so many other things, you get out of it as much as you put into it.

I was also dual-diagnosed: both as an alcoholic, but way before that, with depression and anxiety. Of course I was on meds, but of course they didn't do much good while I was drinking. I'm still seriously depressed and anxious, but my meds do much more good now that I'm sober. If you see a counselor you can be 'tested' for various mental illnesses, and, if necessary, be referred to a doctor for appropriate meds to help. A lot of people with depression turn to substance abuse as a way to 'solve' their emotional distress. So meds can be very helpful in cases like mine.

Keep trying to find a good counselor, and don't drink, no matter what, cause it will only make things worse. I heard a phrase here that is very true: my worst day sober is still far better than my best day drinking.

:ghug3

getr345

Sobriety as wonderful compared to what?

Being drunk and disconnected from reality everyday? Or compared to all the pain, suffering, and consequence that is endured by the drinker and those close to him or her? Seen in that context, sobriety truly is wonderful but seen simply for what it is, it's something much less "exciting" but nonetheless important. Sobriety (recovery) is a return to (or the beginning of in some cases) dealing with life on life's terms. Good or bad. Returning to a state of mind and body where you are able to deal with all of life's ups and downs. Not only able, but willing and excited to do so even. Nobody ever said life was gonna be a party, and usually it's not but when you're sober, you have a chance to grow in so many ways and experience all that life as we know it has to offer, on life's terms, and there is so much value in that, even if the truth of that seems unclear to you now.

Think of a deer in the woods.

The deer does not get to get drunk to numb the pain of a bee sting, or the pain of losing it's deer mate, or the pain of daily life in the woods. The deer is simply out there everyday living life on life's terms for the deer, dealing with the reality of being a deer. The deer is doing exactly what it's here to do: be a deer. When a person is drunk all the time, they really cannot be what they are here to be (a person) they cannot do what they are meant to do, whatever that is.

Sobriety is wonderful because it's that opportunity.

sfgirl

So many people said so many good things in response to your post. There are just a few things I wanted to add. Reading helped me immensely. You can look around SR for recommendations on books or on Amazon. I completely understand the thing about creepy dudes at AA meetings. I am 7 months sober and have only now started going to AA, mainly to try and find f2f community. The first meeting I checked out, I felt a horrible, creepy vibe. When I went last week to a different, all women's meeting it was the most opposite feeling when I walked in. I felt so comfortable and loved. I know this is said over and over but you definitely should shop around for meetings. They can be very, very different.

I don't know why you started drinking in the first place. I started early and I think that addicts have a tendency to want to avoid emotional pain and discomfort. I know I do. Alcohol is a quick way to do that. My recovery has definitely entailed learning to sit through feelings, being able to tolerate them, and just plain noticing them. When you start early, you never build all those coping skills that normal people do, so like everyone said, recovery is so much about building those skills. It is about self-discovery. I have also learned how deep alcohol runs. It has affected my life more than I ever imagined. My theory is that when you use substances you are used to a quick-fix. You can change your mood in a few minutes. Real change, however, takes much longer. You have to get used to things happening much more slowly in sobriety. However, the trade-off is that the change is long lasting. Happiness in sobriety does not, cannot happen overnight. It takes patience and perseverance. For me it wasn't until six months that I felt really happy to be sober and that euphoric feeling passed and now I just feel content, but I am confident that some day that euphoria will come again. Up until then I was just like you, unhappy with both, drinking had lost its allure, sobriety was difficult and I was pretty miserable. You just got to keep working at it. Finding a program of recovery really helps, even if that is one of your own design. Mine has been my therapist 2x a week and books and now I am adding Buddhist recovery meditation and AA into the mix.

sfgirl

Oh yeah, this might sound lame, but I think one of the beauties of sobriety is that you have a much fuller, more nuanced experience of things. You enjoy subtleties, in your emotions, in others, in experiences because you have finally deprogrammed yourself from being overstimulated. And there is something wondrous in that.

sfgirl

I like the deer story.

Mark75

I do too... in fact I frequently think about sobriety in those terms, in relation to the animal kingdom...

I also look at my kids, 3 out of 4 of them don't drink at all, well, I'm as sure as any parent CAN be... the oldest, well, lets say he likes college a lot! But my kids do exciting fun things, they don't miss what they never had ... Jeez, what happens to us??

Getr - actually I liked your whole post a lot, about sobriety and life on life's terms... well put!

Mark