joedris

Sweets buddy, Why you started drinking in the first place really isn't very important. It's why you're drinking now that's the issue. And I think you realize that your continued drinking isn't a very good idea. Trying to figure out why you started is like the man who contacted malaria after being bitten by the mosquito and then spent all his time searching the jungle trying to find the damn thing. WHO CARES? Treat the malaria and screw trying to find the mosquito.

As to your question about therapy, yes. It's an excellent idea. And as I remember, I suggested a few ways to find one. What you said about the Alanon can unfortunately be true sometimes. In AA we call it the 13th step. So get to the therapist, ditch the men in your life who are causing you problems, JOIN AA and then you'll eventually begin to realize the value of sobriety. That, young lady, I guarantee. You're too special a person to go on living the way you are.

gravity

I'm sure that there are many ways to phrase it but I think the ultimate vision is to live a good life.

There was a time when alcohol enhanced my life - fun, excitement, coping with stress, guilt, etc. Alcohol stopped doing this for me many years ago. In the end, my drinking always resulted in misery.

So now that alcohol is not an option, I have to look elsewhere - new ways to enjoy life, to deal with stress - to live life on life's terms. I wish I was able to simply quit drinking and become a happy and content person but this had not been my experience.

AA, counselling, SR, religion, etc. - there are many resources & options out there.

I don't think I would go so far as to say that my life is wonderful. For the most part, it's good. And I do believe that I will get out of life only what I put into it. It takes hard work & patience so in a way, it's all up to me - how bad do I want it?

Oh, and my life is infinitely better than it was when I was still drinking. The sickness and self-hatred was so intense - I'll never forget it.

Sweets79

I have some pretty good ideas why I started drinking in the first place...but that's irrelevant right now...I just want to start therapy and get to know myself better and learn to live a full, happy life without drinking...Thanks Joe...you are too sweet!...

Anna

Sweets, just know that you CAN do it!

Sweets79

Thank you Gravity for that wonderful, positive reply...you gave me some ideas and suggestions on how you're living a happy sober life now (whatever I highlighted)....I agree what you said about there being a time when alcohol enhanced life, but ofcourse it's just an illusion and reality always comes back to kick you in the a$$..

joedris

Sweets my friend, You've mentioned in several of your threads the difficulty of finding an AA meeting in your area. Try the phone book, There's a 24 hour AA hot line in every
phone book and they'll be happy to tell you when and where the next meeting is. And let us know how the therapy session goes and if you found it helpful.

jamdls

I love my sober life. I think I was born a depressed person and then having an alcoholic abusive father and a an emotionally distant mother didn't help matters so I started drinking to escape. In the beginning years the escape worked but only while I was drinking, once I sobered up I was still depressed. As the years went by I would often get more depressed while drinking as alcohol really is a depressant. I didn't stop drinking and wake up a day, week, month, even year later and say "oh wow I'm happy". Over the years I've had tons of therapy, it helped some but I was still drinking and more and more often. No, when I accepted that if I continued to drink I would slowly die from liver failure I stopped drinking and it was about the scariest and most depressing thing I've ever had to do; but gradually through the steps of AA (even though I don't attend AA meetings I work the steps or my version of the steps), tons and tons of soul searching, reading the Big book (3 times in the first year), and reading other things dedicated to sobriety, I came to realize that alcohol had immensely delayed my growing up, delayed my recovery from childhood-alcohol had allowed me to just cover up all that crap and not really deal with it. Sober I had to deal with the past and I rather rapidly realized that it was ridiculous that I had been carrying around all that emotional crap for over 30 years! And gradually in the past 20 months I have just naturally become happier and more confident. That alcoholic abusive father? He got sober 25 yrs ago and he has been my biggest supporter and my best friend in the past 2 years, he is now 86 yrs old and I'm glad I didn't wait any longer'

Judy

OceanBound

Hijacking the post for a little bit. How can one really know they can beat it? I'm not asking it to be difficult but I've done a lot of soul searching lately now that I have a sort of clear head and I don't know the answer. We hear a lot of success stories on SR, people staying sober for 10-15-20 years. Then there are people who relapse constantly. Then there are AA old-timers who commit suicide. How do I know I CAN beat it? I don't believe in God. I wish I did, it would have made things easier. So where do I look to find the answer? How badly do I want to quit? How much do I value my life (not that much as a perennial depressive)?

Thanks, guys, for your help!
OB

Sweets79

Exactly, glad we are on the same page.

gravity

I think it comes down to finding a recovery program/approach that works for you and doing your best. My approach was to do several things: AA, SR, family support, spiritual books, journalling, and exercise. To never give up, to keep trying until something works.

I believe that anyone can quit drinking. I believe in the human spirit - the ability to overcome any adversity. I have seen some truly amazing recoveries in AA, SR, and my own family. People have overcome challanges much tougher than mine. I guess if there is any commonality, it's hard work & patience.

So how do I know that I can stay sober? It's in my nature.

kelsh

Hi Sweets,

Everyone has given very good advice and it all works for any individual that wants to be & stay sober. I found quitting was much harder for me than staying sober the last time I quit 20 years ago.

I drank when I found out that my depression (that was dx when I was a teenager) seemed better when I had an evening of drinking to look forward to. It didn't take long before it was all weekend & then two or three times a week & then every night at home after work for four years.

By then I needed a drink at a certain time everyday or would be so shaky I couldn't write a check or put my hand out for change. I was a single Mom with one of my five children still home.

To make this shorter I made an appointment at Mental Health for my alcohol problem & depression/anxiety problem. I quit taking my medication so I could drink...like someone here said: "It is faster" to quiet the shakes & weak feelings.

I had separate counselors for my alcoholism & depression. I started out with a medical detox in the local hospital. My doc & my counselors worked together. They wanted to wait for six to nine months to put me on a theraputic dose of antidepressant to be sure my depression wasn't caused by my drinking...they waited almost too long...9 months & I had to be hospitalized in a psyc-unit for suicidal ideation.

This was 20 years ago and I am still sober & still on meds for my chemical imbalanced depression. I wanted to be sober more than anything else in my life. I worked very hard to get sober and stay sober. I went to inpatient Alcohol Treatment, AA every night for the first year & two noon meetings during my lunch from work & worked with a tough sponsor that was about my age but had a lot longer sobriety than I did. One noon meeting was a Ladies Only Meeting and I learned a lot about myself there.

It sounds like you have been doing all the right things for you. I have some triggers that cannot be changed so my doc suggested I go back for some more counseling to see if I can get my emotions more connected to my feelings about these triggers in a positive way...I had my first session this week. I go again next week just to get set up with the goals I want to work on.

This is related to my depression & family issues. My sobriety is better than I ever imagined. I still deal with depression & knew what that was like but I am better able to help myself out of depression with all of the tools I have learned in AA, Counseling, medication, & on the computer sites such as Sober Recovery.

Keep coming back and share your "I wonders" & how you are doing.

kelsh

Sweets79

Thank you hun, that was nice of you to take the time to write all that...it sounds like you had some good treatment, which is very important...I hope I get some...I've moved forward and made some plans for treatment Friday, so I will see how that goes...I think I will always have to deal with my depression, but by getting help and possibly being on meds, I will be able to have it under control and be able to have a fulfilling life...and I know drinking was not the answer...I am serious about this, and thank you so much for your story and your support...:ghug3