Aysha

I am bein real needy lately. I am sorry.
That google thread got me wondering what would happen if I googles one of my ex BFs. One I have dreams about alot. One I and only I can say I really loved. The one who got me pregnant when I was told I couldnt have kids. The last real relationship I had just about 10 yrs ago. I googles hi name and got a magic radio station in central Florida. He was a DJ in clubs and radio. So I opened it and it had his obituary there. He was gunned down on his way home from work in 2005 by a guy who was ejected from the club he worked in. The driver was the security mgr and the target. They just happened to kill My ex.
Even tho I havent seen or spoken to him in 10 yrs. I often think about him. I have never felt like I did about him with anyone else.

My heart is punding and I feel sick to my stomach. I am not crying. But I am just shocked.

Thats 2 exes that have died. The other had Leukemia and he pretty much killed himself by ripping his chemo tubing out of his body in a rage of frustration from being sick.

It really makes me wonder and think. All the stuff I have done in my life. And I am here. Healthy and alive.

It makes me ask why is that?

I am sad today. He was only 3 blocks from his house when he was shot.

Just needed to share.

Fubarcdn

My thoughts are with you Chiy. :ghug

Mattcake

Chi, that must be devastating, can't even imagine I'm very sorry for your loss.

least

Oh Chiy, I am so sorry for your horrible news.:sorry None of us know why some of us are living and others have died. I don't think we're supposed to know. I know how much you must hurt and I just want to give you a big hug. Please know that I'm very glad you are alive and well, cause you mean a lot to me.:ghug2

vegibean

Sorry about the unexpected, unsuspected news.

Aysha

I just cant comprehend this.
Its been so long since I have spoken to him. But still. I just cant grasp that he was killed like that.
Death freaks me out.
It really does.
Its one thing to see it on the news or whatever. But it takes a whole different meaning when it hits home.
I came close to being murdered in NC by a truck driver.
and it was like he had done it before. I dont know how I got out of that one. i thought I was dead for real. I was almost unconscious when somehow I got from under him strangling me and got the curtain that seperates the front of the cab to the sleep are of the semi open. And he totally changed like the whole world was watching then.
I seen a news special on tv a couple yrs after that of a truck driver that matched the description and the areas he was that was killing prostitutes all over the southeast. One survived and thats how they got the story.
I would bet my life it was the same guy. I just had that feeling. That he had done that before and that he was gettin off on it. And then he just totally changed when that curtain came open. It was indescribable. I just kept thinking about my body in a dumpster.

Lenina

((Chiy)))))

My thoughts are with you. I don't know what to say except you make a big difference in many lives here on SR.

Life can be too short. I've lost quite a few important people in my life too. Sometimes all we can do is keep trying to be the best person we can be. I tried to figure out ways through my behavior how I can honor the memory of those I lost. And I do remember the important dates and try to do something special as a memorial.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's hard.

Love,

Lenina

Mary52

I am so sorry!

dave47

Sorry at your sad news Chiy.

Mark75

You are here, alive, for a reason Chiy. I am glad you are!

Intense recollections, thanx for sharing.

Mark

Impurrfect

((Trish))

I'm sorry, sweetie. I know that has to hurt. I've dealt with death a lot, and it's hard as he!!. The older I get, the harder it gets.

I strongly believe we are here for a reason, and we don't necessarily ever "know" that reason. I also know that you touch a lot of lives. You just never know when something youv'e said or done can make a big impact on someone else's life. Think of all the time you spend with your little cousins...that's a BIG deal! Any time someone I know dies, it makes me think of what's really important in my life. Sometimes it makes me sad, for opportunities that I've missed, but I try to remain grateful for what I've been given and what I have. I still have time..a lot of people don't...how easily I can forget this!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

resentful wife

(((Chiy)))

Your still here because your a special, beautiful woman showing others the way and that life is indeed worth living, Clean and Sober.

Linda

flutter

That is a sad story Trish, I'm sorry you found out the way you did. None of us know why we're here.. most of us here have probably been closer to death at one point or another than we even comprehend. All we can do is live, and try to make those moments count.

*hugs*

adore79

((((((Trish))))))

Toomutch

Trish, There is no need to appoligize for feeling needy, it happens to all of us.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your x's, Im sure that is painful for you.
Please try not to feel guilty about them being gone and that you're still here.
Your still here because God isn't through with you yet. You are still needed here, and we all love you very much. :ghug3

Freedom1990

The only times I have felt it necessary to go digging into my past have been with the completion of a 4th and 5th step. Then I can let go of my past, and the pain that came with it.

Living in the moment has worked so much better for me because I have enough on my plate to deal with in the 'now'.

Anna

Trish,

Life is just so hard to understand sometimes, and that's where faith comes in.

You are here and there's a reason for you being here. Believe that!

CrackQuack

That is so sad. I am sorry Hun. But don't feel bad about coming here. Be as needy as you want or need to be. It's what SR is for.
I google ex's all the time. Sometimes I google old friends and stuff. Just to see if they are OK or are up to anything, hopefully good.
Sorry you had to find out that way..