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It's the Yo-yoing mind that does me in.

Old 05-03-2009, 05:24 AM
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It's the Yo-yoing mind that does me in.

Anyone else no what I mean by yo-yoing mind? It's the whole, I know that I want to quit drinking thning and I know it is for the best, without a doubt, I actually feel happier when sober than when on a bender, in reality. But even though I am fully aware of this and openly have said this to my parents for example, I still could and would gladly get absolutely smashed at any given time on any given day.
My hardest thing, and the thing that has always made me cave in and drink again in the past, is that I have preffered to drink alone for years now (which is strange as I actually love company when sober but the drunk in me just wants to be left alone to properly smashed as only I know how) and so I have lost my social life at weekends and cut myself off from pretty much all my friends. This is because I knew that when I go out I will get totally smashed, everytime and I would rather do this alone than with other people and police, doormen about. This was further compounded in September when I got caught using Cocaine in a towncentre Bar toilet and subsequently arrested and put in a police cell for the night. I was cautioned and warned if I get caught again I will be charged with possesion of a class-A drug and this will go on my criminal record, which would pretty much ruin my future and any hopes of emigrating/getting job etc let alone the shame I would feel.
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Old 05-03-2009, 05:34 AM
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I am aware that I am powerless over my actions when drinking and my ability to say No to buying drugs, for example, is non-existant. I was aware that it would be only a matter of time before I would be caught with/doing something again. I have done a lot of drugs over the past 3 years with Cocaine costing me a fortune, howver I have not done it for a good few months now and it is only when I'm drinking that I have ever taken any drugs as I just think why not. It is fundamentally drinking that is my problem, hell I don't even smoke cigarettes when i'm not drinking.
Anyway back to the point, my problem will be trying to get my social life back, which I have lost through getting smashed, as I usually think to myself if I am going to be stopping on my own all weekend then at lleast if I'm getting drunk I'm not bored and not worrying about the fact i have no girlfriend etcetc. But I know if I go out I only run the risk of getting into trouble through my drinking and making a fool of myself, so I may as well just stop in and drink as I really love listeing to my music and just feel myself floating away as my hero's sing lyrics about doing just that.
Maybe one of you guys will be able to relate?...
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Old 05-03-2009, 05:40 AM
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I can relate to that very well, my mind is a yo-yo too.
I drank mostly at home too, then I didn't have to worry about how smashed I got. It was too hard to drink in public and keep it under control.
I've only got 6 days sober. This weekend I've been keeping very busy so I'm not sitting home doing nothing, thinking about drinking. I can't hang out with most of my friends because they drink so I've been doing things around the house and going for walks, anything to keep busy.
Spend a lot of time on here to occupy your mind, it really helps.
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