There really is a "no mans" land...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
There really is a "no mans" land...
... and I'm living in it tonight. I have been fighting the urrge to call a cab and go to the bar all afternoon, but I don't really want a drink, that's no mans land to me.
I'm tired of being lonely, but I don't really want a relationship right now, cause my head and heart are not in good places, so that's no mans land again.
I feel like talking with someone, yet I know they cannot ease my discontent inside, they cannot take away my pain, nor would I wish them to have it, so it's no mans land again.
I was afraid to post here, because I've been so up&down lately that I'm sure others are tiring of my struggle, so I struggle with trying to keep it all in, figure it out and sort through to the real causes, but they elude me tonight, my mind is out to lunch, except this constant sense of despair that I think only a drink will ease. So, to drink causes more despair, but not to drink leaves me in my own little mixed-up world, so there again, it's no mans land.
I felt like hell while drinking and I feel like hell not drinking, truly a state of being that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I'm tired of being lonely, but I don't really want a relationship right now, cause my head and heart are not in good places, so that's no mans land again.
I feel like talking with someone, yet I know they cannot ease my discontent inside, they cannot take away my pain, nor would I wish them to have it, so it's no mans land again.
I was afraid to post here, because I've been so up&down lately that I'm sure others are tiring of my struggle, so I struggle with trying to keep it all in, figure it out and sort through to the real causes, but they elude me tonight, my mind is out to lunch, except this constant sense of despair that I think only a drink will ease. So, to drink causes more despair, but not to drink leaves me in my own little mixed-up world, so there again, it's no mans land.
I felt like hell while drinking and I feel like hell not drinking, truly a state of being that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
even if talking to other people wont totally ease the discontent, it might distract your brain enough for a bit to offer some relief. Jump into chat or something, we're just bsing in there..
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by firestorm090 
... and I'm living in it tonight. I have been fighting the urrge to call a cab and go to the bar all afternoon, but I don't really want a drink, that's no mans land to me.
I'm tired of being lonely, but I don't really want a relationship right now, cause my head and heart are not in good places, so that's no mans land again.
I feel like talking with someone, yet I know they cannot ease my discontent inside, they cannot take away my pain, nor would I wish them to have it, so it's no mans land again.
I was afraid to post here, because I've been so up&down lately that I'm sure others are tiring of my struggle, so I struggle with trying to keep it all in, figure it out and sort through to the real causes, but they elude me tonight, my mind is out to lunch, except this constant sense of despair that I think only a drink will ease. So, to drink causes more despair, but not to drink leaves me in my own little mixed-up world, so there again, it's no mans land.
I felt like hell while drinking and I feel like hell not drinking, truly a state of being that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I'm tired of being lonely, but I don't really want a relationship right now, cause my head and heart are not in good places, so that's no mans land again.
I feel like talking with someone, yet I know they cannot ease my discontent inside, they cannot take away my pain, nor would I wish them to have it, so it's no mans land again.
I was afraid to post here, because I've been so up&down lately that I'm sure others are tiring of my struggle, so I struggle with trying to keep it all in, figure it out and sort through to the real causes, but they elude me tonight, my mind is out to lunch, except this constant sense of despair that I think only a drink will ease. So, to drink causes more despair, but not to drink leaves me in my own little mixed-up world, so there again, it's no mans land.
I felt like hell while drinking and I feel like hell not drinking, truly a state of being that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Portugal
Posts: 104
I'm sorry its so hard for you at the moment. For what its worth I am not the least bit annoyed by any of your posts. I find then honest, heartfelt and real - please don't think to stop posting so much.
Just hang about here for a bit!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 580
Hey Fire, dont ever feel afraid to post here, thats what we here for to support each other.
Man I understand its tough I went out last night to the pub for dinner with friends, the first time since I been sober, I had to send my wife up to buy the diet cokes as I could not personally stand at the bar. I felt like was in the middle of nowhere, I ended up going outside and phoning a friend from AA and went back in feeling a lot better.
I am so glad I woke up saturday morning hangover free and can now enjoy the weekend just relaxing and looking after myself.
Try not to think about the relationship thing man, the main thing is YOU and YOU staying sober and getting well.
Post on here anytime you want mate.
Man I understand its tough I went out last night to the pub for dinner with friends, the first time since I been sober, I had to send my wife up to buy the diet cokes as I could not personally stand at the bar. I felt like was in the middle of nowhere, I ended up going outside and phoning a friend from AA and went back in feeling a lot better.
I am so glad I woke up saturday morning hangover free and can now enjoy the weekend just relaxing and looking after myself.
Try not to think about the relationship thing man, the main thing is YOU and YOU staying sober and getting well.
Post on here anytime you want mate.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Keep reaching out - you might be helping someone by sharing what you are going through.
It sounds like you are making good choices. Do you have something that you enjoy doing? Any hobbies? Any good books waiting to be read? I'm staying in tonight and just installed a new browser so I'm having fun adding on new apps, and might watch an old episode of 30 Rock in a while.
Fill your time with things that you enjoy, and hopefully things will get easier for you.
Thanks for posting.
It sounds like you are making good choices. Do you have something that you enjoy doing? Any hobbies? Any good books waiting to be read? I'm staying in tonight and just installed a new browser so I'm having fun adding on new apps, and might watch an old episode of 30 Rock in a while.
Fill your time with things that you enjoy, and hopefully things will get easier for you.
Thanks for posting.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Firestorm, I never get tired of your posts. We're here for each other in good times and bad. The damned if you do, damned if you don't thing does not last forever. I know, it's such a cliche - it'll get better - but it's the truth. It took me a few months of ridding myself of the poison to even begin to feel human - let alone to feel good or hopeful. After relying on alcohol to manage our feelings, how could we not have a huge adjustment when we remove it from our lives? It's all perfectly normal, the way you're feeling - but you'll move out of this phase.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Good to see you here with us......
I will soon enjoy a big bowl of yummy ice cream
I recommend it for everyone!
Tonight flavor....Triple Chocolate Brownie
I will soon enjoy a big bowl of yummy ice cream
I recommend it for everyone!
Tonight flavor....Triple Chocolate Brownie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Sometimes a phone call really can save your a$$.
After I posted this thread, I ran out to grab a pizza, and upon my return I noticed a friend in recovery had left me a message. I returned the call , and after talking with her for awhile, I feel much better. Sometimes we need to connect to others, have that lifeline sustain us when our minds are doing backflips, and reel us in from the tides of despair that are tossing us to and fro.
Today's day forty, and I made it through. I have a big, fat pizza to munch on, ice cream in the freezer for later, and plenty to read. I may hang here for awhile too.
Even in our darkest hour, we are never really alone, we just have to reach out and find someone to hold on to till we feel strong enough to walk on our own again.
After I posted this thread, I ran out to grab a pizza, and upon my return I noticed a friend in recovery had left me a message. I returned the call , and after talking with her for awhile, I feel much better. Sometimes we need to connect to others, have that lifeline sustain us when our minds are doing backflips, and reel us in from the tides of despair that are tossing us to and fro.
Today's day forty, and I made it through. I have a big, fat pizza to munch on, ice cream in the freezer for later, and plenty to read. I may hang here for awhile too.
Even in our darkest hour, we are never really alone, we just have to reach out and find someone to hold on to till we feel strong enough to walk on our own again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Sorry Firestorm
I must have got it wrong the other day - from your post the other day I genuinely thought you had gone out again. My bad.
Doesn't change what I said tho - it's a long road but it's worth it.
Keep posting
D
I must have got it wrong the other day - from your post the other day I genuinely thought you had gone out again. My bad.
Doesn't change what I said tho - it's a long road but it's worth it.
Keep posting
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi Dee,
My post the other night was in respect to a bad meeting I attended, but I stuck it out without a drink, even tho I wanted one so bad I could almost taste it. That's why I came here to post, to straighten out my head.
Thanks for your support.
My post the other night was in respect to a bad meeting I attended, but I stuck it out without a drink, even tho I wanted one so bad I could almost taste it. That's why I came here to post, to straighten out my head.
Thanks for your support.
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