Does life get more than just "tolerable" after some years of sobriety?
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Great answers & insight, as usual - thanks everyone.
Sweets, I asked that question in the beginning, too - I even thought if this is how I'll always feel, what's the point? If you keep marching forward, the days will add up, your mood will lighten, your mental & physical health will return. Don't assume you'll be stuck at this level forever. It took me months, but I finally stopped just getting by & putting in time and began to feel real joy and hope once again. After all, I'd been anesthetizing for over 25 yrs. I was very resentful in the beginning, but I knew I was going to die if I picked up again, so I had no choice. I now get a kick out of doing all the things I used to do, sober instead of wasted. That "fish out of water" feeling will fade & then leave you all together.
Don't forget, that euphoria you speak of was fake. As Sailor said, it's lies - all of it. Nothing's resolved, nothing changes while we're numbing ourselves. All the stuff is still there when we come out of our coma, and then we probably have more problems on top of the ones we tried to escape from.
Don't be impatient with yourself - remember, you're still healing. You beat yourself up badly, and you need time to recuperate.
Sweets, I asked that question in the beginning, too - I even thought if this is how I'll always feel, what's the point? If you keep marching forward, the days will add up, your mood will lighten, your mental & physical health will return. Don't assume you'll be stuck at this level forever. It took me months, but I finally stopped just getting by & putting in time and began to feel real joy and hope once again. After all, I'd been anesthetizing for over 25 yrs. I was very resentful in the beginning, but I knew I was going to die if I picked up again, so I had no choice. I now get a kick out of doing all the things I used to do, sober instead of wasted. That "fish out of water" feeling will fade & then leave you all together.
Don't forget, that euphoria you speak of was fake. As Sailor said, it's lies - all of it. Nothing's resolved, nothing changes while we're numbing ourselves. All the stuff is still there when we come out of our coma, and then we probably have more problems on top of the ones we tried to escape from.
Don't be impatient with yourself - remember, you're still healing. You beat yourself up badly, and you need time to recuperate.
Wise words, thankyou...I guess this time is the toughest...everyone says how it will get better in time, and I do believe them...First steps are the hardest..I'm grateful for all this support... it's a tremendous help.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by kwigers
I love your post! AA is a great thing, it was essential in helping me to get my addiction and work through some of the stuff that was emotionally harming me.
I was a daily attendee at one meeting or another for twelve years, I studied and worked the program. I reached out and did things whenever I saw a need or asked to do something.
At twelve years I was ready to commit suicide!
Looking around me, I saw friends at seventeen years and fifteen years and 21 years of sobriety relapse or commit suicide. It was scary and I knew what I was feeling and experiencing and no matter how I approached the subject around the tables or in private conversations, I often was told to do more reading or another forth step, or that look, the look of absolute fear and confusion as though I was speaking a foreign language.
I found a life coach, and my entire world changed! I wake up in the morning ready to live life and find out what sort of adventure I am going to have today! I am clean, and clear and have a zest for life that I have not experienced since I was a child! I want try new things, I want to read, and write, and speak with people, and laugh, and have fun. I actually like to play today!
I still consider myself a member of AA, and I go to meetings here and there, to hear things I tend to forget(purposeful forgetter)
-to sometimes share my experience and thoughts about topics. I still work with members when I am asked, but I am now one of the living. For those twelve years I was getting enough to keep me sober which is what the program offers. For me to actually love my life again and find my joy and happiness, I needed to look outside the rooms.
If you have never heard of a life coach, you can do a search, and now there is approximately 35 life coaches who specialize in working with people in recovery. Just google addiction recovery coach.
Hope this helps, remember everyone journey is unique and exactly what it is suppose to be! The universe is always working with us-not against us!
Much love and light!~Cheryl
I was a daily attendee at one meeting or another for twelve years, I studied and worked the program. I reached out and did things whenever I saw a need or asked to do something.
At twelve years I was ready to commit suicide!
Looking around me, I saw friends at seventeen years and fifteen years and 21 years of sobriety relapse or commit suicide. It was scary and I knew what I was feeling and experiencing and no matter how I approached the subject around the tables or in private conversations, I often was told to do more reading or another forth step, or that look, the look of absolute fear and confusion as though I was speaking a foreign language.
I found a life coach, and my entire world changed! I wake up in the morning ready to live life and find out what sort of adventure I am going to have today! I am clean, and clear and have a zest for life that I have not experienced since I was a child! I want try new things, I want to read, and write, and speak with people, and laugh, and have fun. I actually like to play today!
I still consider myself a member of AA, and I go to meetings here and there, to hear things I tend to forget(purposeful forgetter)
-to sometimes share my experience and thoughts about topics. I still work with members when I am asked, but I am now one of the living. For those twelve years I was getting enough to keep me sober which is what the program offers. For me to actually love my life again and find my joy and happiness, I needed to look outside the rooms. If you have never heard of a life coach, you can do a search, and now there is approximately 35 life coaches who specialize in working with people in recovery. Just google addiction recovery coach.
Hope this helps, remember everyone journey is unique and exactly what it is suppose to be! The universe is always working with us-not against us!
Much love and light!~Cheryl
Hi Cheryl, thanks for taking the time to read and respond...I will definitely look into some help, whether it be a life coach or joining AA...I need all the help I can get right now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Actually, life gets much better than when using/drinking. I'm 13 months clean this week and I'm feeling so much happier. The way up and out are the 12 steps, and working with a sponsor. I have more fun now than I ever had when using.
I was just like you. I thought I'd never have fun again, but I stopped using for my family. Turned out I was wrong. I really love my new life, and we have a lot more fun now, in every way.
It might help to do this: remember when you were a little kid? Did you have fun then? Most of us had more fun as a little kid than ever as an adult. Were you drinking? No? Then yes, it is possible for you to have fun not drinking. You've done it before, you've just forgotten how.
It helps me, when I'm not having any fun for a couple days, to go see my 3 and 4 year-old neice and nephew. They remind me how to have fun clean and sober!
Love,
KJ
I was just like you. I thought I'd never have fun again, but I stopped using for my family. Turned out I was wrong. I really love my new life, and we have a lot more fun now, in every way.
It might help to do this: remember when you were a little kid? Did you have fun then? Most of us had more fun as a little kid than ever as an adult. Were you drinking? No? Then yes, it is possible for you to have fun not drinking. You've done it before, you've just forgotten how.
It helps me, when I'm not having any fun for a couple days, to go see my 3 and 4 year-old neice and nephew. They remind me how to have fun clean and sober!
Love,
KJ
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chepstow
Posts: 359
Sweets,
I'm five days into sobriety, so just a few days behind you, and I agree it's tough. In fact I couldn't have even managed that had I not forced myself to my local AA group.
I didn't have a clue what to expect, it was only second day of going without alcohol, and I only went out of desperation, since I knew I had to do something 'drastic' otherwise I'd be out buying some alcohol.
Funnily enough, the meeting, although it seemed a little weird to me was fun; can you believe that?
Everyone was really nice, friendly, nothing was asked of me; I expected to be called on to introduce myself formally in front of everyone; but that didn't happen; but I did anyway later in the meeting when I felt more comfortable.
At the end of the meeting I was given a book (the Big Book) and lots of members gave me their phone numbers; one said jokingly, 'Before you pick up a bottle, pick up the phone', but I knew she wasn't joking.
This all felt wierd; all these strangers giving me their phone numbers and I thought there's no way I could phone them if I wanted a drink.
However, I now know they'd be more than pleased for me to phone, because by helping me not to drink, they're helping themselves not to drink.
You would be surprised at how much you have in common with your fellow alcoholics too.
They've actually given me the HOPE that I can actually lead a happy life without alcohol.
Honestly, go to your local AA. If you PM me your area, I'll try and find out where your local group is (and that in turn will help me stay off the booze).
Regards,
Tosh.
I'm five days into sobriety, so just a few days behind you, and I agree it's tough. In fact I couldn't have even managed that had I not forced myself to my local AA group.
I didn't have a clue what to expect, it was only second day of going without alcohol, and I only went out of desperation, since I knew I had to do something 'drastic' otherwise I'd be out buying some alcohol.
Funnily enough, the meeting, although it seemed a little weird to me was fun; can you believe that?
Everyone was really nice, friendly, nothing was asked of me; I expected to be called on to introduce myself formally in front of everyone; but that didn't happen; but I did anyway later in the meeting when I felt more comfortable.
At the end of the meeting I was given a book (the Big Book) and lots of members gave me their phone numbers; one said jokingly, 'Before you pick up a bottle, pick up the phone', but I knew she wasn't joking.
This all felt wierd; all these strangers giving me their phone numbers and I thought there's no way I could phone them if I wanted a drink.
However, I now know they'd be more than pleased for me to phone, because by helping me not to drink, they're helping themselves not to drink.
You would be surprised at how much you have in common with your fellow alcoholics too.
They've actually given me the HOPE that I can actually lead a happy life without alcohol.
Honestly, go to your local AA. If you PM me your area, I'll try and find out where your local group is (and that in turn will help me stay off the booze).
Regards,
Tosh.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Sweets my good friend, Life absolutely gets better and the struggle gets easier as time goes on. Work the AA program. You'll be amazed as to how much better you feel and how much better the world looks. Give it time. You're doing the right thing. Just keep taking it one day at a time. You'll make it.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by joedris
Sweets my good friend, Life absolutely gets better and the struggle gets easier as time goes on. Work the AA program. You'll be amazed as to how much better you feel and how much better the world looks. Give it time. You're doing the right thing. Just keep taking it one day at a time. You'll make it.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
My life got so much better sober. It took a while for it to get there though. I had been drinking so much for so long, it wasn't going to happen over night, in a week, or even a month. But it did happen! I had a lot of wreckage to deal with, and I really hated the person I was. With a lot of support from others in recovery, AA and eventually my family (once they had some trust again), I made it through the rough times. I even began to enjoy life and activities again, at first, I pretty much surrounded myself with recovery, AA/NA dances, meetings and hanging out with others in recovery. I even managed to find love again, and that is a euphoria I couldn't get with a drink!!...I just celebrated 15 years sober, and there is NOTHING that would have been better with a drink the entire time. Give yourself a little time to adjust, then start enjoying life clean and sober, it is so worth it.
Cathy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Sweets, it does get better. For me, I had to have a plan to live that no longer included alcohol. Life is life and there are always going to be bumps in the road. The most important thing I had to learn was that drinking didn't make it better. In fact, drinking always made it worse.
I had to change the way I saw the world and my place in it. I had to change the way I dealt with the bumps. I had to learn to look at the positives and pay less attention to the negatives.
Check out AA, SMART, CBT or if you can afford it, therapy.
Something that's helped me a lot is meditation tapes. I try to listen to one each day.
You can do this and you can be happy too!
Love,
Lenina
I had to change the way I saw the world and my place in it. I had to change the way I dealt with the bumps. I had to learn to look at the positives and pay less attention to the negatives.
Check out AA, SMART, CBT or if you can afford it, therapy.
Something that's helped me a lot is meditation tapes. I try to listen to one each day.
You can do this and you can be happy too!
Love,
Lenina
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Lenina
Sweets, it does get better. For me, I had to have a plan to live that no longer included alcohol. Life is life and there are always going to be bumps in the road. The most important thing I had to learn was that drinking didn't make it better. In fact, drinking always made it worse.
I had to change the way I saw the world and my place in it. I had to change the way I dealt with the bumps. I had to learn to look at the positives and pay less attention to the negatives.
Check out AA, SMART, CBT or if you can afford it, therapy.
Something that's helped me a lot is meditation tapes. I try to listen to one each day.
You can do this and you can be happy too!
Love,
Lenina
I had to change the way I saw the world and my place in it. I had to change the way I dealt with the bumps. I had to learn to look at the positives and pay less attention to the negatives.
Check out AA, SMART, CBT or if you can afford it, therapy.
Something that's helped me a lot is meditation tapes. I try to listen to one each day.
You can do this and you can be happy too!
Love,
Lenina
Thankyou Surly and Lenina, I could really use the extra encouragement tonight.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: far away from the ocean
Posts: 376
Originally Posted by Lenina
I had to change the way I saw the world and my place in it. I had to change the way I dealt with the bumps. I had to learn to look at the positives and pay less attention to the negatives.
I understand I need to figure this out too. But where did you learn how to change all this? Alcohol was my only coping mechanism for so long, I feel like I am looking for another destructive replacement now. 12 days sober.
Thanks,
OB
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
[QUOTE=OceanBound;2214268]Lenina,
I understand I need to figure this out too. But where did you learn how to change all this? Alcohol was my only coping mechanism for so long, I feel like I am looking for another destructive replacement now. 12 days sober.
Thanks,
OB[/QUOTE
Sounds exactly how I feel.
I understand I need to figure this out too. But where did you learn how to change all this? Alcohol was my only coping mechanism for so long, I feel like I am looking for another destructive replacement now. 12 days sober.
Thanks,
OB[/QUOTE
Sounds exactly how I feel.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Oceanbound and Sweets,
I read lots of self-help books. I saw a therapist. I read lots of books about recovery. I went to AA. It's not a quick and easy process but for me it worked. I gained a lot from reading Louise Hays' book, "You Can Heal Your Life". I read Rational Recovery The Little Book (I think that's the title).
I got some meditation tapes to listen to twice a day. They really, really helped me calm down. I try to walk for at least 20 minutes a day. Getting exercise helps a lot! If you can afford it, join a gym and make a commitment to go every day. Check out the YWCA for exercise classes or swimming lessons.
Do some volunteer work. I used to do the bookkeeping at a food bank once a week and just having a place to be outside of work helped me.
Love,
Lenina
I read lots of self-help books. I saw a therapist. I read lots of books about recovery. I went to AA. It's not a quick and easy process but for me it worked. I gained a lot from reading Louise Hays' book, "You Can Heal Your Life". I read Rational Recovery The Little Book (I think that's the title).
I got some meditation tapes to listen to twice a day. They really, really helped me calm down. I try to walk for at least 20 minutes a day. Getting exercise helps a lot! If you can afford it, join a gym and make a commitment to go every day. Check out the YWCA for exercise classes or swimming lessons.
Do some volunteer work. I used to do the bookkeeping at a food bank once a week and just having a place to be outside of work helped me.
Love,
Lenina
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Yes, it does get better. Sometimes I stop and think about how lucky I am to have finally found the courage to put the bottle down and I'll start bawling.
Yes, it's hard...but it is so worth it.
You've gotten some very good SR advice here. Very Good.
Yes, it's hard...but it is so worth it.
You've gotten some very good SR advice here. Very Good.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Oh I forgot one of the most important things! I started writing out a gratitude list every day. I tried to find 10 things I was grateful for that day. It helped me stay positive and gave me something to look for all day long. It's harder than you might think, but it helps change the negative thinking.
Mine went something like this:
1. I'm grateful I have a warm house to live in.
2. I'm grateful I have a best friend who loves me and wants only good things for me.
3. I'm grateful I have a radio station I like to listen to!
You get the idea. Just the small things I was taking for granted.
You will still have grumpy days, things will still get on your nerves but you will know you're making progress.
I hope this helps. And continue to come here and post. And read. I nearly always find something that helps me with my day.
Love,
Lenina
Mine went something like this:
1. I'm grateful I have a warm house to live in.
2. I'm grateful I have a best friend who loves me and wants only good things for me.
3. I'm grateful I have a radio station I like to listen to!
You get the idea. Just the small things I was taking for granted.
You will still have grumpy days, things will still get on your nerves but you will know you're making progress.
I hope this helps. And continue to come here and post. And read. I nearly always find something that helps me with my day.
Love,
Lenina
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