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just another newbie...

Old 04-30-2009, 11:42 AM
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just another newbie...

First of all, I want to congratulate all the people on this site! You are a fantastic crowd! And I want to apologize up front for my spelling...English is not my native language so please go easy on me!

Now I guess I better introduce myself...So there we go...

I am a 38 year old woman, mom of 3 great kids (2 sons soon 21 and 19 and a lovely 9 year old daughter)...I know now you are wondering if I made a mistake either on my age or on my sons age...I did not.

I started drinking (more than I should) 5 years ago...I do not drink everyday and I am totally ignorant of the withdrawals symptoms since I never ever experienced them...and to be honest I do not want to get to that point (not judging anybody here). I drink weekly...what do I mean? I mean I drink around 3 bottles of white wine a week. Every time I get the darn bottle I waste a day of my life...3 days a week I get drunk, I cannot stop until it is empty!

I watch "Intervention" every week seeking for infos or whatever will light me up and I end up thinking "I am not that bad, I do not drink as much as they do"...I know what I am doing is slowly destroying myself...but it seems I have nowhere to go...

The 12 steps and the AA meetings are certainly good and helpfull for many people but for me it is useless because I do not believe in God. Yes I was baptised (what could I do I was 3 weeks old) and so are my sons because 20 years ago (here in Quebec) it was the easiest way to give them an identity. I am more into Boudhism and spirituality...and it seems the ressources are limited for us. So this is a SERIOUS attempt to connect back to myself...

I am sorry this is a long post and I want to say that lots of people I care for believe in God I am NOT anti this or that, I am probably one of the most open minded woman in the world...I just cannot believe in the same God you guys do...but I believe in life and humans...I am just different I guess with the same goal...
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Old 04-30-2009, 11:50 AM
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you're in the right place... recovery is possible! sounds like you've got an open mind and a willing heart, and that's a great place to start. there are all kinds of recovery programs that are secular based, and checking out one of those seems like a good idea for you... checking out some posts and chatting up some of the folks on the secular board might help, i know there's a lot of experience, strength, hope and recovery with all kinds of different avenues.

personally, i'm in AA, but i lean much more toward buddhism and spirituality. i'm not religious, but i do believe in somethin - i call it the big guy in the sky, but mostly cause it rhymes and i like rhyming.

anyway, welcome! glad you're here.
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Old 04-30-2009, 12:05 PM
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Welcome Newbie!!!!
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Old 04-30-2009, 12:22 PM
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Originally Posted by lifequest View Post
First of all, I want to congratulate all the people on this site! You are a fantastic crowd! And I want to apologize up front for my spelling...English is not my native language so please go easy on me!

Now I guess I better introduce myself...So there we go...

I am a 38 year old woman, mom of 3 great kids (2 sons soon 21 and 19 and a lovely 9 year old daughter)...I know now you are wondering if I made a mistake either on my age or on my sons age...I did not.

I started drinking (more than I should) 5 years ago...I do not drink everyday and I am totally ignorant of the withdrawals symptoms since I never ever experienced them...and to be honest I do not want to get to that point (not judging anybody here). I drink weekly...what do I mean? I mean I drink around 3 bottles of white wine a week. Every time I get the darn bottle I waste a day of my life...3 days a week I get drunk, I cannot stop until it is empty!

I watch "Intervention" every week seeking for infos or whatever will light me up and I end up thinking "I am not that bad, I do not drink as much as they do"...I know what I am doing is slowly destroying myself...but it seems I have nowhere to go...

The 12 steps and the AA meetings are certainly good and helpfull for many people but for me it is useless because I do not believe in God. Yes I was baptised (what could I do I was 3 weeks old) and so are my sons because 20 years ago (here in Quebec) it was the easiest way to give them an identity. I am more into Boudhism and spirituality...and it seems the ressources are limited for us. So this is a SERIOUS attempt to connect back to myself...
.
First, let me welcome you to SR! I am glad you are here. You found a good place for information and support.
Second, I think your English has been great so far!LOL.
3rdly, don't be put off from AA because you don't believe in the traditional Christian God. I do not either. I believe in A God, but part of my background is Cherokee Indian, so you see where I go with this??? My God is much different too, and I am a member of the NA (narcotic's Anonymous). Just simple spirituality is ALL AA or NA ask for. NOT religion! You are in luck in that area. The God of YOUR understanding is your Higher Power, and that Deity will be whom you rely upon, give your life and your will to. Whom you pray/meditate to for support and guidance. I hope I am making sense...
So you can go to AA. You don't have to tell ANYONE whom you believe or don't believe in. In fact, if you go, your early meetings, IGNORE that part. Just listen for the similarities and stay away from listening to the differences.
I am a crackhead and I never got arrested or sold myself on the street in the name of obtaining crack. I was on it for only 2 years. I've heard so many stories of crackheads whom were in the NA, with me, via court order. Had been prostitutes for YEARS, got arrested, had been ON crack for longer than I've been alive (well, not that long, but close), and they are CLEAN. I've been off of it, now, for almost 3 months. Not long, if you're not an addict, looking at the time. But for an addict, it is a miracle!
Anyway, I learned to listen for the similarities. The selling of items. The neglecting of friends/family. The hiding out in bedrooms or bathrooms. The needless end to score crack at all hours of the day and night. The feeling of hopelessness that we'd never get off the drug. The lies. The loss of money and time....The EXCITEMENT of finding the NA. The stories of relapse and picking oneself up again and starting over.. And on and on.. So much more.
Go to an AA meeting. Just listen. And go back. You'll find people there, in your shoes, once in your shoes, and ones in their own shoes. People that believe in a Christian God, Wiccan God, No God, Buddha, Hindu, and many others. Some people, who don't believe in any God, call NA or AA their higher power. It's whatever you want it to be.
:ghug3 And you can make your posts as long as you like!!!
Again,
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Old 04-30-2009, 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted by lifequest View Post
The 12 steps and the AA meetings are certainly good and helpfull for many people but for me it is useless because I do not believe in God. Yes I was baptised (what could I do I was 3 weeks old) and so are my sons because 20 years ago (here in Quebec) it was the easiest way to give them an identity. I am more into Boudhism and spirituality...and it seems the ressources are limited for us. So this is a SERIOUS attempt to connect back to myself...
Welcome!!!

Depending on the meetings you attend, you may get the impression that AA is all about God and religion.

For another take on this perspective, you might want to read, The 12-Step Buddhist by Darren Littlejohn. He is a firm believer in the value of AA as a part of his recovery.
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Old 04-30-2009, 12:41 PM
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nice to meet you, lifeq! hope you find the support you are looking for here at sr!

keep posting and hugs, k
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Old 04-30-2009, 01:16 PM
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Welcome to our ever growing family! And I have to say that I appreciate your honesty and openness, especially since this is your first post. Thank You!

Through my years of struggling to find Sobriety, I thought that AA/NA were religious programs because the word God was mentioned many times. Although I believe in God, I was really mad at Him for a lack of better words. I had felt like if He were with me, all of these horrible things would have never happened to me. I'm only telling you this because the God concept really got in my way for many years.

I know several people in Recovery who use a Higher Power that isn't the traditional God. You mentioned Buddism and Spirituality . . . whatever concept of a Higher Power, something greater than yourself, can be put in place there.

For me, the 12 Steps are what set me free from the guilt, shame, anger, hurt . . . all of those emotions that caused me to pick up in the first place and once I got clean, that I struggled with. Whatever route you decide to take in your Recovery, we are glad to have you with us and look forward to sharing your journey with you.

Peace,
Judy
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Old 04-30-2009, 01:42 PM
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Welcome Lifequest! I'm glad you joined our family. You'll find a lot of support and good advice here from people who understand what you're going thru. It IS possible to stay sober, just stay sober one day at a time. Just don't drink today and repeat when tomorrow becomes today again.

I started my recovery with AA but now use only this site and my weekly sessions with an addiction counselor. Is addiction counseling available where you are? There are other support programs out there besides AA.

Again, welcome!
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Old 04-30-2009, 02:21 PM
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Welcome!

Many people in my AA group struggle with this. I have come to realize from listening at the meetings that a higher power can stand for anything that you believe in. Most people I meet these days are more into the spirituality side of things (including myself) and not the traditional God from my childhood Sunday school.

Keep coming back!

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Old 04-30-2009, 03:28 PM
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Glad you found us.....Welcome!
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Old 04-30-2009, 04:32 PM
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As everyone else has said, don't let the God thing keep you from AA. AA is a spiritual program, not a religous one. We acknowledge that somewhere in this vast universe there's something bigger than us. And spirituality is merely your personal relationship with whatever that bigger thing is. You said you're spiritual and into the Buddha, and that's cool. Ho Tai is a good higher power. People in AA tend to say God when referring to their higher power, but that in no way restricts you in your personal beliefs. So give AA a chance. It's a great program that's helped a lot of people in the past 73 years. I'm one of them.
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