acer67

hi all,

I'm doing really good - day 18 for me. I now have a sponsor and have been trying to get to a meeting once a week in addition to using this site any chance I get!

I am having a lot of problems with old "friends" in my subdivision that I used to party with. They are always talking about us getting together and letting loose. I don't want to appear like a snob but I really don't want to be in these situations because I don't trust myself and I think it would be extremely uncomfortable to sit sober while everyone else is partaking. I also don't think it is anyone's business that I have been going to AA. How do I let these people know I am not drinking anymore and still appear friendly?

sailorjohn

Don't advocate dishonesty, but you could tell them-with some degree of truthfulness-that you are under Doctors Orders not to drink. You don't have to tell them it's Dr. Bill!

coffeenut

Congrats on your sober 18 days! A great start! You know, you really don't have to tell them anything. I quit on a Friday and Saturday we went to a cook out...everyone there had a beer. I asked for water.....no one flinched.

Mark75

I couldn't be comfortable around people who are drinking for several months... it's still not easy, but the awful feeling of resentment that I can't join them is easing... but I don't put myself in situations like that, unless there is a good reason to...

I have friends that I used to drink with, don't know I'm AA and I have had a non alcoholic beverage while they had a beer... they didn't ask at all... I like sailorjohn's answer, but... isn't it Dr. Bob...

Mark

jsml1234

Usually I don't need to say anything, just keep a non-alcoholic beverage in my hand.
If simply telling people you don't drink is not an option or when the subject was pressed hard I have been honest and said "I used to be the designated drunk, I quit." or "Drinking has caused me problems in the past, I don't drink anymore"
You'll be surprised at the responses I have gotten from those remarks... all positive and affirming.

Tazman53

Acer one can "Let loose" without drinking. That being said in early sobriety being around folks drinking is playing with fire, a simple "Not this weekend, thanks" when invited to a party will suffice 99% of the time. I discovered really quickly that my drinking friends still drank and had a good time whether I was there or not, I was not hurting them or thier feelings by not being at a party.

Another amazing thing I discovered once I began to feel solid enough in my sobriety to be around SOME drinking was the number of people who do not drink! Another thing I found was that those who were drinking did not give a hoot if I was drinking or not.

If some one does ask if you have quit drinking tell them the truth "I decided to quit because I was having some problems due to drinking." Generally that is the end of the subject, in some cases folks will say something like "Yea, I am thinking about quitting or cutting back myself." Heck I bet you have said that before, I used to! LOL

citychick

Congrats on your 18 days!

I guess I just didn't trust myself to be around my old aquaintances when I was first sober. Once I felt more sure of my sobriety I could go and hang with them out incident..but it wasn't much fun, especially when they started talking in shorthand.

vegibean

Or just tell them that you're trying to stay away from alcohol. No one needs an explanation.

Anna

I don't believe you need to offer any explanation, either.

If you feel confident, then go and drink coke or water or whatever you like.

If you are not confident (I definitely was not confident at 18 days), then say sorry, I can't make it.

CarolD

Congratulations on your progress.....

Like you....April is my DOS month.
I was living in a singles only large apartment house
with a rooftop pool....in Washington D.C.
It was party central...I was always first in line.

I quit going to the pool that summer....alcohol flowed.
I also refused invitations from my drinking friends.
Yes it was difficult. But being around them made me antsy.

Sooo...I told everyone I was now in AA .had quit...
and my apartment was a non drinking zone.

I found new friends in AA who shared my goals and
positive lifestyle.....we had a blast!

I refuse to be ashamed of my recovery.
Alcoholism had made me ashamed long enough.

Glad you are here with us.

four812

some good examples of how to deal with your dilemna here.

so what do YOU think?

jamdls

I too cut off contact with my drinking buddies when I quit, we really had nothing in common besides drinking. My life, my sobriety, became #1 for me and the longer I was sober the more I accepted that I deserved to be #1. Now if I was around people drinking I just say I don't drink and yes I must admit I feel a bit "superiour" in that I don't NEED to drink.

Judy

acer67

Thanks!

Some very good advice here which I will try out. I know that my "good" friends will not push the issue and will support me and everyone else will, most likely, drop by the wayside when they find out I'm not so much "fun" anymore. I will be glad to get through this awkward stage of recovery.

Sweets79

Hey..I went through something similar in January...I have G.I. problems, and I had been binge drinking for a week the end of Dec...I really did a number on my stomach, so I swore off drinking for awhile...Ofcourse I said to myself, maybe at another time I can have a "few" drinks, but not right now...Anyway, a few weeks later, I was going out more often than usual, and ofcourse everyone was usually at the bar, either for the night or before going somewhere else...And the bars around me are AWFUL...all hole in the walls, so I figured I really needed a drink just to even hang out there lol...There were a few strangers there with my so called "friend" at the time (that's another story though)...and they would ask me why I wasn't drinking...Honestly it really was because my stomach was a mess that week, and I just told them that...One guy said..."Oh...what is it?, you can't hold your liquor"? Haha, I told him..."If you only knew"..but my point is...I think it's best to avoid a bar or anyplace where people will be drinking heavily...It was hard for me to be in that environment and not drink...Hell it's hard for me to be home doing nothing and not drink, but you're facing much more temptation in that setting...Maybe suggest doing something else with them, where alcohol isn't the main component of the night out...I know that sounds easier said then done...If you feel like you can be in a bar, then go ahead...although I don't suggest it right now...And you can tell them anything...like the person above me suggested, you can just say the d.r. told me it's off limits...they don't have to know exactly why...Say your stomach's bothering you, or you're starting a new health regimen and there's no room for alcohol...There's alot of reasons people quit drinking.