TOPIC: Peek-A-Boo I See You. Come Out And Tell Us Who You Are.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
This is a wonderful thread! Sharon, thank you for starting it and thank you to everyone who has replied so far. There has been a true outpouring of honesty here that is very touching. It's great to get to know things about the people who's avatar pic we look at and whose replies to threads we read.
From time to time, most of us will begin a thread or two, but how would we have known that CrackQuack makes bird toys and loves cars, that dedubya's daughter's raced motocross, that jamdls and I not only share a first name but also a passion for true crime books or that Linda just celebrated her birthday?
Ok, there are thousands of others who log into SR on a daily basis. Who's next?
Judy
From time to time, most of us will begin a thread or two, but how would we have known that CrackQuack makes bird toys and loves cars, that dedubya's daughter's raced motocross, that jamdls and I not only share a first name but also a passion for true crime books or that Linda just celebrated her birthday?
Ok, there are thousands of others who log into SR on a daily basis. Who's next?
Judy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
Originally Posted by serenityqueen 
This is a wonderful thread! Sharon, thank you for starting it and thank you to everyone who has replied so far. There has been a true outpouring of honesty here that is very touching. It's great to get to know things about the people who's avatar pic we look at and whose replies to threads we read.
From time to time, most of us will begin a thread or two, but how would we have known that CrackQuack makes bird toys and loves cars, that dedubya's daughter's raced motocross, that jamdls and I not only share a first name but also a passion for true crime books or that Linda just celebrated her birthday?
Ok, there are thousands of others who log into SR on a daily basis. Who's next?
Judy
From time to time, most of us will begin a thread or two, but how would we have known that CrackQuack makes bird toys and loves cars, that dedubya's daughter's raced motocross, that jamdls and I not only share a first name but also a passion for true crime books or that Linda just celebrated her birthday?
Ok, there are thousands of others who log into SR on a daily basis. Who's next?
Judy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 138
Hi, I'm Lori, I'm 48 and I'm an alcoholic. My drinking career has lasted about 35 long years.
I've been married twice. My first marriage gave me 3 sons. I lost my husband in an accident when they were small.
My second marriage gave me 2 more sons. That marriage ended in a divorce. I've been single for the past 9 years.
I have 3 beautiful granddaughters, a grandson due in July and another grandchild due in December.
My two youngest sons live at home, one will be moving to PA for school this summer, the other will graduate next year.
I enjoy doing most things outside, fishing, camping, gardening.
I love outdoor music concerts and music, mostly classic rock.
I like to read.
I haven't watched tv for years but enjoy movies.
I love to ride and have a small scooter.
I also love to fly like a bird, I'm a sky diver. Of all the drugs and alcohol I've used, the greatest high I've ever had is free falling. It is awesome!
I love to spend time with my sons and granddaughters and am desparately trying to learn how to live sober and enjoy life without alcohol.
I've been married twice. My first marriage gave me 3 sons. I lost my husband in an accident when they were small.
My second marriage gave me 2 more sons. That marriage ended in a divorce. I've been single for the past 9 years.
I have 3 beautiful granddaughters, a grandson due in July and another grandchild due in December.
My two youngest sons live at home, one will be moving to PA for school this summer, the other will graduate next year.
I enjoy doing most things outside, fishing, camping, gardening.
I love outdoor music concerts and music, mostly classic rock.
I like to read.
I haven't watched tv for years but enjoy movies.
I love to ride and have a small scooter.
I also love to fly like a bird, I'm a sky diver. Of all the drugs and alcohol I've used, the greatest high I've ever had is free falling. It is awesome!
I love to spend time with my sons and granddaughters and am desparately trying to learn how to live sober and enjoy life without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere west of the Mississippi
Posts: 224
Okay, I am a newcomer, so I will join in and give you all a little picture of who I am.
My name is Laura (just like it says) and I am an alcoholic. I am the 50 y-o daughter of two dry ACOAs (now deceased) who did not know anything about the program and both of them had a lot of scars and emotional instability, and I am quite codependent as a result of my upbringing. I also suffer from PTSD as a result of my family dynamic. There were a lot of problems growing up.
The youngest of two, I was also the black-sheep of the family and I learned to channel my rage into rebellion in my teen years. I first started going to bars when I was 13 and remember vividly the feeling I had from my first beer-- it felt so good, I felt relaxed and temporarily freed from my anger and inner pain. I was interested in music and had some ability, so I learned to play the bass guitar and worked for quite a few years in the local club scene as a musician. What other job can you have that lets you drink--for free--while you're working? Drink was just a normal part of my life. And because I would hang out in the same clubs where I played, I drank for free all the time.
It's strange. For a very long time I did not keep any alcohol at home, but I could binge drink in the clubs when I was out and drive home with one eye open and one hand over the other eye on the nights that I wasn't working. I never got a DUI and always made it home. So I did this for about twelve years, until I decided to get out of music and out of the clubs and move to a different city where no one knew me.
Suddenly it all changed, because I wasn't carrying the party around with me like I had in the clubs for all those years. Paying for drinks in bars where I didn't know anyone was expensive and not much fun. I stopped drinking, but soon started keeping alcohol in the house when I began having panic attacks at home and discovered that drinking would soothe them.
I went on like this for a few years and then at the age of 36 married a very sweet man who was also an alcoholic. We would both come home from work every evening and fill up our glasses with our favorite liquor-- his was scotch and mine was vodka. We'd both be passed out every night by 9:00pm. We never fought, and we drank every night, but eventually I wanted to stop drinking and he did not. Then I met a recovering alcoholic-- the two of us fell in love-- I guess he wanted to "save" me from the drink, but I ended up getting divorced and subsequently having a long relationship with this AA who was not active in the program. Because I am a codependent I was able to quit drinking, because I knew that he needed me to be sober. I stayed with him, and stayed sober, for seven years.
It's funny, I mentioned this in a meeting today, and then after I shared an old timer pointed out to me that my AA ex had kept me sober for 7 years by being my HP at that time. I never thought of it that way but, man, he was right on the mark there.
Anyway, we broke up rather disastrously after 7 years and I immediately hit the bottle and did not stop for three years. That was three years ago, and over those three years I have steadily increased the amount that I drink. I'm not someone who drinks a lot every time I drink, but I am one who has what I heard someone call a "F*ck-it" switch and when it gets switched I binge and don't want to stop. Lately that switch has been more active and I'm also turning into a nasty, mean person when I drink. It has to stop.
I am married again, my husband today is not an alcoholic--he did not drink much before we met but he did drink with me in the evenings after we were married, so we're both changing how we spend our evenings. We are both blessed to have good work during this difficult time, and I really want to keep it that way. I was unemployed for a long time.
I originally decided to quit drinking again back in January, and I don't think I lasted two weeks then. I'm back now, and on the sixth of this month I will have 30 days. I have a home AA group, have a sponsor, and am slowly and painfully working on step 4.
So that's the Reader's Digest version, still way too long.
My name is Laura (just like it says) and I am an alcoholic. I am the 50 y-o daughter of two dry ACOAs (now deceased) who did not know anything about the program and both of them had a lot of scars and emotional instability, and I am quite codependent as a result of my upbringing. I also suffer from PTSD as a result of my family dynamic. There were a lot of problems growing up.
The youngest of two, I was also the black-sheep of the family and I learned to channel my rage into rebellion in my teen years. I first started going to bars when I was 13 and remember vividly the feeling I had from my first beer-- it felt so good, I felt relaxed and temporarily freed from my anger and inner pain. I was interested in music and had some ability, so I learned to play the bass guitar and worked for quite a few years in the local club scene as a musician. What other job can you have that lets you drink--for free--while you're working? Drink was just a normal part of my life. And because I would hang out in the same clubs where I played, I drank for free all the time.
It's strange. For a very long time I did not keep any alcohol at home, but I could binge drink in the clubs when I was out and drive home with one eye open and one hand over the other eye on the nights that I wasn't working. I never got a DUI and always made it home. So I did this for about twelve years, until I decided to get out of music and out of the clubs and move to a different city where no one knew me.
Suddenly it all changed, because I wasn't carrying the party around with me like I had in the clubs for all those years. Paying for drinks in bars where I didn't know anyone was expensive and not much fun. I stopped drinking, but soon started keeping alcohol in the house when I began having panic attacks at home and discovered that drinking would soothe them.
I went on like this for a few years and then at the age of 36 married a very sweet man who was also an alcoholic. We would both come home from work every evening and fill up our glasses with our favorite liquor-- his was scotch and mine was vodka. We'd both be passed out every night by 9:00pm. We never fought, and we drank every night, but eventually I wanted to stop drinking and he did not. Then I met a recovering alcoholic-- the two of us fell in love-- I guess he wanted to "save" me from the drink, but I ended up getting divorced and subsequently having a long relationship with this AA who was not active in the program. Because I am a codependent I was able to quit drinking, because I knew that he needed me to be sober. I stayed with him, and stayed sober, for seven years.
It's funny, I mentioned this in a meeting today, and then after I shared an old timer pointed out to me that my AA ex had kept me sober for 7 years by being my HP at that time. I never thought of it that way but, man, he was right on the mark there.
Anyway, we broke up rather disastrously after 7 years and I immediately hit the bottle and did not stop for three years. That was three years ago, and over those three years I have steadily increased the amount that I drink. I'm not someone who drinks a lot every time I drink, but I am one who has what I heard someone call a "F*ck-it" switch and when it gets switched I binge and don't want to stop. Lately that switch has been more active and I'm also turning into a nasty, mean person when I drink. It has to stop.
I am married again, my husband today is not an alcoholic--he did not drink much before we met but he did drink with me in the evenings after we were married, so we're both changing how we spend our evenings. We are both blessed to have good work during this difficult time, and I really want to keep it that way. I was unemployed for a long time.
I originally decided to quit drinking again back in January, and I don't think I lasted two weeks then. I'm back now, and on the sixth of this month I will have 30 days. I have a home AA group, have a sponsor, and am slowly and painfully working on step 4.
So that's the Reader's Digest version, still way too long.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
It's funny, I mentioned this in a meeting today, and then after I shared an old timer pointed out to me that my AA ex had kept me sober for 7 years by being my HP at that time. I never thought of it that way but, man, he was right on the mark there.
I'm loving what everyone is sharing.
NEXT?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Originally Posted by joedris
I have three great adult daughters, one of whom is in the program, and one really great grandson, I live alone with my whacko Lorikeet and raise bonsai plants to help teach me patience and serenity. I ran across this web site by accident, but I think it's great. And that, folks, is enough of my story. I will keep on offering advice to other members of the group based on my own experience. I hope it helps.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: edmonton, alberta
Posts: 88
Hi! My name is Maureen (Moe) and I'm an alcoholic. I am a 41 year old mother of 3. I am blessed with two daughters (13 and 11) and a son (6). I have been married to a wonderful guy for 18 years (my drinking buddy - although he knows when to draw the line and I don't). I am a stay-at-home mom for now and very involved in my kids schools and activities and feel blessed that we can afford for me to do this. I am starting to feel a tad isolated and "left in the dust" lately and may start looking for paid employment soon.
My father (who I was very close too) was a member of AA for over 35 years. Growing up alcohol was a complete taboo in our home so I was always very curious about it. Had my first drink at 15 and have continued on being a binger for the last 25+ years. I was a terrible teenager and put my parents through hell. I dabbled in most drugs but booze was my DOC. Back in the 80's I was one of those "headbanger" chicks who went to every hard rockin' concert that came to town.
I still enjoy letting loose when a good band comes to town. Music plays a huge part in my life.
We live on an acreage in Alberta, Canada and have been self-building our own home for about 4 years. We totally underestimated the magnitude of this project and this has been one of the hardest things we've ever gone through.
My husband and I are into car racing - expecially World of Outlaws sprint cars and have travelled to see them in various states. We've also made the trek down to Indianapolis to see the Indy 500 - awesome! Next stop - Daytona!
My husband is really trying to get me interested in getting my motorcycle licence and I am starting to be won over by the idea. For now, I am content to be a passenger. I really enjoy travelling and wish I could afford to do it more often.
This is my second time trying to get sober. Tried a couple years back but was still in too much denial. This time feels different and I really think I finally "get it". I have been going to a few AA meetings and now have a sponser. I am really hoping that I stick around for good this time!
My father (who I was very close too) was a member of AA for over 35 years. Growing up alcohol was a complete taboo in our home so I was always very curious about it. Had my first drink at 15 and have continued on being a binger for the last 25+ years. I was a terrible teenager and put my parents through hell. I dabbled in most drugs but booze was my DOC. Back in the 80's I was one of those "headbanger" chicks who went to every hard rockin' concert that came to town.
I still enjoy letting loose when a good band comes to town. Music plays a huge part in my life.We live on an acreage in Alberta, Canada and have been self-building our own home for about 4 years. We totally underestimated the magnitude of this project and this has been one of the hardest things we've ever gone through.
My husband and I are into car racing - expecially World of Outlaws sprint cars and have travelled to see them in various states. We've also made the trek down to Indianapolis to see the Indy 500 - awesome! Next stop - Daytona!
My husband is really trying to get me interested in getting my motorcycle licence and I am starting to be won over by the idea. For now, I am content to be a passenger. I really enjoy travelling and wish I could afford to do it more often.
This is my second time trying to get sober. Tried a couple years back but was still in too much denial. This time feels different and I really think I finally "get it". I have been going to a few AA meetings and now have a sponser. I am really hoping that I stick around for good this time!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I'm a recovering alcoholic who started drinking a glass of wine (in March 07) before my kids got home from school so I'd be 'relaxed' and not pick fights with them or respond badly to them. Within six months I was drinking wine all day, every day, and was in bad shape. In December 07 I admitted to myself, as well as a family member, that I was alcoholic and wanted to stop drinking. It took me until July 08 to actually stay sober.
In February this year I ruined my six months sober by drinking for a day. I got right back on the wagon and now have nearly three months. I've regained the respect and trust of my kids as well as my self respect. I am also better able to give proper care to my two dogs, one of whom is diabetic. I'm glad to be sober to be a better 'dogmom' to them, as they are my life now that my kids are grown. Sobriety really rocks!
In February this year I ruined my six months sober by drinking for a day. I got right back on the wagon and now have nearly three months. I've regained the respect and trust of my kids as well as my self respect. I am also better able to give proper care to my two dogs, one of whom is diabetic. I'm glad to be sober to be a better 'dogmom' to them, as they are my life now that my kids are grown. Sobriety really rocks!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
my name is shaun.....im an alcoholic..
i havent felt the need to drink since sept 2000..
because i reached a point where id do anything to live life on lifes terms without the need to "round of the edges"..
three things entered my life to make that possible..
1....god.
2....The fellowship of aa.
2....the 12 step program .
I live in the countryside amongst the wildlife in a little cottage surrounded by dogs..........5 infact.
Im married to a beautiful woman...and have one daughter and 3 step children.
1 girl 2 lads......
after years of doing jobs i didnt want to do......i trained as an trucker and im now living my childhood dream.
i had periods of wealth and property and ive also had periods when i lived on the streets in the south...mainly the last 2/3 years of my drinking.
because i work night it can be hard to get to meetings so i joined sr to try and connect with the newcomer and to be around people like me.
trucker
i havent felt the need to drink since sept 2000..
because i reached a point where id do anything to live life on lifes terms without the need to "round of the edges"..
three things entered my life to make that possible..
1....god.
2....The fellowship of aa.
2....the 12 step program .
I live in the countryside amongst the wildlife in a little cottage surrounded by dogs..........5 infact.
Im married to a beautiful woman...and have one daughter and 3 step children.
1 girl 2 lads......
after years of doing jobs i didnt want to do......i trained as an trucker and im now living my childhood dream.
i had periods of wealth and property and ive also had periods when i lived on the streets in the south...mainly the last 2/3 years of my drinking.
because i work night it can be hard to get to meetings so i joined sr to try and connect with the newcomer and to be around people like me.
trucker
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
My name is Lisa. I am 42 years old. I have a 21 year old daughter, steps sons 25 and 26, and have taken in a bunch of strays, some of which still come see me on mother's day. I started drinking and drugging at 14, not really sure how sober people make it through life without doing it really. Was a daily for the last 20 years. I quit drinking in December when alcohol betrayed me in a big way, for the last time. Looking back on the last 28 years, drugs and alcohol have often betrayed me, funny it took this long to lose the trust.
When I found this site, I met lots of amazing people learning to live all over again. I also learned the terms Codependent and ACoA, and they have changed my world. I am a smart girl, have a bachelor's degree and a teaching credential, I have street smarts and common sense as well. But there is a whole giant slice of knowledge and life skills I totally missed learning, and it is blowing my mind.
I've always felt like a good person because of all of the things I do for others. Now I am hoping how to learn to be a truly good person by healing and taking care of me.
Cool learning more about you all, hoping more people join in!
When I found this site, I met lots of amazing people learning to live all over again. I also learned the terms Codependent and ACoA, and they have changed my world. I am a smart girl, have a bachelor's degree and a teaching credential, I have street smarts and common sense as well. But there is a whole giant slice of knowledge and life skills I totally missed learning, and it is blowing my mind.
I've always felt like a good person because of all of the things I do for others. Now I am hoping how to learn to be a truly good person by healing and taking care of me.
Cool learning more about you all, hoping more people join in!
lunarlovelunar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 674
hmmm seems daunting..... but I will give it a go....
My name is Jaclyn, Im 31, and I have been sober 110 days.
When I was 2 while my dad was at work, my mom left me with a babysitter. She didnt come back. My dad and I waited for 3 months for word. Nothing came. So my dad moved us to be closer to his family, in Oregon. This was the first of many times that my mom came and went. My mom was an alcoholic, eventually an addict and I believe though cant be sure that she had Schizophrenia. My dad raised me mostly on his own. (Which I give him props for!)
My first drink, I was 13. I had attended a DARE meeting at school and later that evening proceeded to get drunk with a girlfriend and an older kid from the neighborhood. We were picked up by the cops and taken home. We both received MIPs. That didnt stop me. For my birthday that summer I asked a lady that I babysat for if she could get me a 5th of Vodka for my birthday. She did. I had a slumber party and everyone got drunk. We sneaked out of the house while my dad was sleeping. Thinking back, anything could have happened. I experimented with pot soon after. I also began cutting. It was always some guys initials or a rose. I even cut a cross into my cheek. I was definitely screaming for help, no one noticed. Middle School was hell for me.
High School was different. I fit in better for sure. I was more confident although I am not sure why. The drinking and pot smoking kept on. Although everyone else was doing it so I figured it was pretty normal.
After my ex-boyfriend shot himself it all went downhill. He survived but it through me for quite a loop. I started dating an alcoholic. I drank right along with him. After we split, I slowed down.
It wasnt really till a few years ago that it got bad. I was drinking everyday and it started really affecting my life. After a hug panic attack this last January I was convinced that I had had enough. I was SO sick of living like that. I am SO grateful that I am sober today!
Who I am today?
I love music. Always have. I love to dance. I play guitar....and I like to sing. I have been married for 2 years and we have 4 cats but no kids. lol (We are still undecided.)
I am a people person and love studying things like Sociology and Psychology. I read mostly non-fiction. I love reading inspirational books like "The Art of Happiness" and "Ishmael". I am a Cancer so I love routine, all forms of water and I am very protective and sensitive.
Wow sometimes it feels quite uncomfortable trying to explain yourself so I will end with that.
My name is Jaclyn, Im 31, and I have been sober 110 days.
When I was 2 while my dad was at work, my mom left me with a babysitter. She didnt come back. My dad and I waited for 3 months for word. Nothing came. So my dad moved us to be closer to his family, in Oregon. This was the first of many times that my mom came and went. My mom was an alcoholic, eventually an addict and I believe though cant be sure that she had Schizophrenia. My dad raised me mostly on his own. (Which I give him props for!)
My first drink, I was 13. I had attended a DARE meeting at school and later that evening proceeded to get drunk with a girlfriend and an older kid from the neighborhood. We were picked up by the cops and taken home. We both received MIPs. That didnt stop me. For my birthday that summer I asked a lady that I babysat for if she could get me a 5th of Vodka for my birthday. She did. I had a slumber party and everyone got drunk. We sneaked out of the house while my dad was sleeping. Thinking back, anything could have happened. I experimented with pot soon after. I also began cutting. It was always some guys initials or a rose. I even cut a cross into my cheek. I was definitely screaming for help, no one noticed. Middle School was hell for me.
High School was different. I fit in better for sure. I was more confident although I am not sure why. The drinking and pot smoking kept on. Although everyone else was doing it so I figured it was pretty normal.
After my ex-boyfriend shot himself it all went downhill. He survived but it through me for quite a loop. I started dating an alcoholic. I drank right along with him. After we split, I slowed down.
It wasnt really till a few years ago that it got bad. I was drinking everyday and it started really affecting my life. After a hug panic attack this last January I was convinced that I had had enough. I was SO sick of living like that. I am SO grateful that I am sober today!
Who I am today?
I love music. Always have. I love to dance. I play guitar....and I like to sing. I have been married for 2 years and we have 4 cats but no kids. lol (We are still undecided.)
I am a people person and love studying things like Sociology and Psychology. I read mostly non-fiction. I love reading inspirational books like "The Art of Happiness" and "Ishmael". I am a Cancer so I love routine, all forms of water and I am very protective and sensitive.
Wow sometimes it feels quite uncomfortable trying to explain yourself so I will end with that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
There's many great shares here. Thank you.
Each time you share ur story it becomes
easier. And you will be surprised when
another person can relate to it.
This not only helps u tremendously but
will help the newcomer as well.
What an awesome reward.
Each time you share ur story it becomes
easier. And you will be surprised when
another person can relate to it.
This not only helps u tremendously but
will help the newcomer as well.
What an awesome reward.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Central, La.
Posts: 422
This has been a wonderful thread. I sit humbled as I reflect on each story. In each I see some part of my life. It's reinforcing the commonality of our experiences. All different, yet, all the same. Finding that "magic" at the age of 8.
ACOAP
PTSD
OD'S
Suicide attempts
Loss of everything except the physical body
Anger
Rage
Self-pity
Self-hatred
Jealousy
Projection
Rationalization
Denial
Powerless
Surrender
Acceptance
Maintenance
Faith
Peace
Love
Forgiveness
Life on life's terms
Choice..................................
One Day At A Time!!!
I feel just about all of us know the degradation, emptiness, loneliness, despair resulting from our using. The discovery of our real problems. "Our liquor was but a symptom. We had to get down to causes and conditions"... We are left with ourselves. One elusive, yet required, component of our extended recovery.... real forgiveness of ourselves... If you understand what real forgiveness is it's relevance to recovery is undeniably essential. Page 99 in the 12x12, "......It is by forgiving that one is forgiven...." Put yourself in the offenders shoes, understand (12x12 pg 91), if you haven't by this time, how you could do the same thing as done to you. Reflect and be honest with yourself by admitting I have done similar things. Now, how do you remain "justifiably angry" (and a lot of other things) with that person. You see, by accepting my defects/actions, by not projecting my defects upon others, I change/grow. How do you point that finger at another? So, when you forgive another who are you really forgiving?
I don't know why this came out here. It just did. Guess it was on me to say it here. Love you all.... Peace........
ACOAP
PTSD
OD'S
Suicide attempts
Loss of everything except the physical body
Anger
Rage
Self-pity
Self-hatred
Jealousy
Projection
Rationalization
Denial
Powerless
Surrender
Acceptance
Maintenance
Faith
Peace
Love
Forgiveness
Life on life's terms
Choice..................................
One Day At A Time!!!
I feel just about all of us know the degradation, emptiness, loneliness, despair resulting from our using. The discovery of our real problems. "Our liquor was but a symptom. We had to get down to causes and conditions"... We are left with ourselves. One elusive, yet required, component of our extended recovery.... real forgiveness of ourselves... If you understand what real forgiveness is it's relevance to recovery is undeniably essential. Page 99 in the 12x12, "......It is by forgiving that one is forgiven...." Put yourself in the offenders shoes, understand (12x12 pg 91), if you haven't by this time, how you could do the same thing as done to you. Reflect and be honest with yourself by admitting I have done similar things. Now, how do you remain "justifiably angry" (and a lot of other things) with that person. You see, by accepting my defects/actions, by not projecting my defects upon others, I change/grow. How do you point that finger at another? So, when you forgive another who are you really forgiving?
I don't know why this came out here. It just did. Guess it was on me to say it here. Love you all.... Peace........
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NW Ohio
Posts: 164
My story starts back in 1994, but I'll fast forward. In January, 2008, I had 7 years clean. The 2001 story will come later....but in short, in 2001, I was charged with theft of drugs and got "treatment in lieu of a felony conviction." Went on with what I had to do for treatment, etc, etc, etc. In early Feb, 2008, I was sick, had a lot of right upper abdominal pain, vomiting, diarrhea, and thought I was dying. My daughter (then 31 yrs old) called my doctor who talked to me and told me to go to ER. I told him NO. My son-in-law pulled rank and I was soon in the car and my daughter had to get help at ER to get me inside. I was in so much pain and don't remember everything that happened, but I know I was in no condition to tell them not to give me narcotics. My daughter said she didn't think about telling them because I was so miserable and just wanted them to do something for me.
I have crappy veins and I guess it took them NINE sticks before they finally got an IV started in my foot. Then they shot me full of Dilaudid IV. The next thing I remember is this IDIOT doc saying he thought I had "severe gastroenteritis" and wanted to send me home. Okay.....first of all....I'm an RN and I have never heard of a doc ordering such a strong narcotic for someone with the stomach flu. I was still pretty much "out of it." My daughter refused to take me home which she told me annoyed the doc, but she didn't care and told him to call MY doctor. He did and admitted me to the hospital under MY doctor's orders.
I was so doped up and the next morning, my doc came to see me and ordered a gall bladder ultrasound.....
More to come:
I have crappy veins and I guess it took them NINE sticks before they finally got an IV started in my foot. Then they shot me full of Dilaudid IV. The next thing I remember is this IDIOT doc saying he thought I had "severe gastroenteritis" and wanted to send me home. Okay.....first of all....I'm an RN and I have never heard of a doc ordering such a strong narcotic for someone with the stomach flu. I was still pretty much "out of it." My daughter refused to take me home which she told me annoyed the doc, but she didn't care and told him to call MY doctor. He did and admitted me to the hospital under MY doctor's orders.
I was so doped up and the next morning, my doc came to see me and ordered a gall bladder ultrasound.....
More to come:
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NW Ohio
Posts: 164
Continuing:
GB Ultrasound showed HUGE gall stones and next thing I know, a surgeon comes in to see me and schedules surgery to have my gall bladder removed the next day. In the meantime, continued IV Dilaudid for pain and IV Zofran for nausea and vomiting. The following day, went to surgery (with the drugs given in there) and more pain meds after the surgery in the recovery room and back up on the floor.
At that point, I was hooked again. I DID call my former sponsor since for some reason her phone number was the only one I could remember. She kinda blew me off cuz she was getting ready to leave for a cruise......
I managed to use my prescription for Percocet sparingly for awhile, but back at work over a month later, (RN), I gave my patients their drugs and instead of throwing out the rest like I was suppose to do, I took it for myself.
More to come:
GB Ultrasound showed HUGE gall stones and next thing I know, a surgeon comes in to see me and schedules surgery to have my gall bladder removed the next day. In the meantime, continued IV Dilaudid for pain and IV Zofran for nausea and vomiting. The following day, went to surgery (with the drugs given in there) and more pain meds after the surgery in the recovery room and back up on the floor.
At that point, I was hooked again. I DID call my former sponsor since for some reason her phone number was the only one I could remember. She kinda blew me off cuz she was getting ready to leave for a cruise......
I managed to use my prescription for Percocet sparingly for awhile, but back at work over a month later, (RN), I gave my patients their drugs and instead of throwing out the rest like I was suppose to do, I took it for myself.
More to come:
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NW Ohio
Posts: 164
Continuing:
In May, 2008, my daughter called EMS for me and was taken to ER for having a possible stroke. I had all the classical signs/symptoms of a stroke. I was admitted to the hospital on the neurological floor. The neuro doc asked me about the opiates in my system the following day and asked me if I wanted help. I jumped at it. I detoxed there for 5 days. The day after I left the hospital, I enrolled in a treatment/rehab hospital in their outpatient program.
The following day, work called and wanted to see me. They confronted me about the drugs. They insisted I resign and reported me to the state board of nursing. I tried to tell them I was clean and was getting further help and treatment, but they weren't listening and they didn't care. I was so distressed and suicidal then. I had to confess everything to my daughter, SIL, and my mom. I then went to the treatment center and went inpatient. I was there for 2 1/2 weeks.
There is so much more and I'll elaborate more someplace else, but that is what happened in the beginning of this last hurrah.
In May, 2008, my daughter called EMS for me and was taken to ER for having a possible stroke. I had all the classical signs/symptoms of a stroke. I was admitted to the hospital on the neurological floor. The neuro doc asked me about the opiates in my system the following day and asked me if I wanted help. I jumped at it. I detoxed there for 5 days. The day after I left the hospital, I enrolled in a treatment/rehab hospital in their outpatient program.
The following day, work called and wanted to see me. They confronted me about the drugs. They insisted I resign and reported me to the state board of nursing. I tried to tell them I was clean and was getting further help and treatment, but they weren't listening and they didn't care. I was so distressed and suicidal then. I had to confess everything to my daughter, SIL, and my mom. I then went to the treatment center and went inpatient. I was there for 2 1/2 weeks.
There is so much more and I'll elaborate more someplace else, but that is what happened in the beginning of this last hurrah.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere west of the Mississippi
Posts: 224
Originally Posted by Believe808
I love this thread and don't want to see it die down.
Keep your stories coming so we can learn more about each other.
Keep your stories coming so we can learn more about each other.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
