car is in the slot, im in the house.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Dunmore, USA
Posts: 15
car is in the slot, im in the house.
Tue, day 16 of sober living. On the way home, i almost stopped at the bar. I drove reeallly sllooow but i did it. I did not stop. I ate a decent recooked dinner and a large bowl of popcorn with butter. I am still thinking about going to the bar and having a beer "with the guys"... thats slang for "its okay cause its a casual meeting of friends"... thats bull. If that joint was stark bone empty, id sit down and begin to drink. In fact, id not want to be social until i GOT drunk, then id drink until i got the boot and would drink more, because i can. The reality is that there is no one watching over me or keeping score, or giving me a breath-lizer, or watching me walk a dotted line, or listening for slurred speech or wavering.... im all alone with my own devices. If i got drunk, no one would be there bitching at me.
I was romantic earlier about drinking and that prob did not help with my urge. I was imagining walking out of the bar in the HOT NIGHT AIR after a night of drinking and that was appealing, as well as the buzz. I have to replay the same old tune that it might be pleasant then, but it will get worse later when i run out in the middle of the night, and it won't be pleasant in the morning when i wake up at eleven after NOT GETTING ENOUGH sleep, or still drunk/hungover and i have to go to class.
I am responsible for myself and i can not insure that i will be 100% tomorrow, or that i won't get so drunk that i wont miss my obligation. I cant make sure that the next hours will go my way if i pick up a drink. i can hurt myself, i could hurt someone else, i could damage my future because of a chemical that i cant control and must avoid. i dont want my bottom to be a precipitating episode brought on in the pursuit of getting high. now, i have options, i have choices and i have a future. I can and will eventually lose these things if i dont take a stand against booze NOW, not "someday". I feel better, thanks guys.
I was romantic earlier about drinking and that prob did not help with my urge. I was imagining walking out of the bar in the HOT NIGHT AIR after a night of drinking and that was appealing, as well as the buzz. I have to replay the same old tune that it might be pleasant then, but it will get worse later when i run out in the middle of the night, and it won't be pleasant in the morning when i wake up at eleven after NOT GETTING ENOUGH sleep, or still drunk/hungover and i have to go to class.
I am responsible for myself and i can not insure that i will be 100% tomorrow, or that i won't get so drunk that i wont miss my obligation. I cant make sure that the next hours will go my way if i pick up a drink. i can hurt myself, i could hurt someone else, i could damage my future because of a chemical that i cant control and must avoid. i dont want my bottom to be a precipitating episode brought on in the pursuit of getting high. now, i have options, i have choices and i have a future. I can and will eventually lose these things if i dont take a stand against booze NOW, not "someday". I feel better, thanks guys.
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