Another failure- bummed - started agian
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KY
Posts: 25
Another failure- bummed - started agian
Well last attempt I failed before 72 hours of detox. Another day another attempt. I am an alchoholic and a addict.
I have been trying to kick the pills for 6-8 months of reducing intake but I kept failing so figured I would get help- All I found was $$$ hungry DR's. The Last 2 Both said they would help with suboxone treatment. Yhe 1st told me he couldnt help on this because he didnt have the class. so he refered me to another - after signing up and goinf thru the office stuff and an hour long visit the refered Dr tells me he is retiring in 2 weeks so didnt want to write it and refered to another....erggg
After 20-30 phone calls I found a Dr that says they will refer me to a privatre practice that does outpatient help AND takes Insurance... Another office visit and another let down. After taking off work yet again and another office visit another payment....this Dr tells me she only completed 1/2 of the CEU class for suboxone and refers me to inpatient non insurance center- Whaaa whaaa whaa!
I have managed to fail 2 times now on cold turkey (no pills).
Sunday 04/26/09 3:00PM Was the last day I used!
Monday 04/27/09 I made it without any Pills. W/D was not really to bad. A little sweating - Upset stomach over all not too bad.
Monday eve I could not sleep - tossing and turning- LOTS of Sweating (so much I had to change pillows and shirt. My Head was pounding and lower back hurting.
Tues- Am YAwning constant- but not tired (go figure) - feel very hyper - Head pounding Hell My freekin teeth even hurt.
I feel Burst of shockin sensation every now and then. I almost called in sick to work but I only have 1 sick day left and thought tomarrow may be worse than today. 11 am Diareah started still sweating but now getting cold and then hot.
Is there a name for the shock like burst? Dunno how else to disribe it.
I plan on hitting a NA meeting after work. I really think I can do this!
I have dropped from I will say 250-300 mgs a day of Oxy's loratabs...any optioid down to a 10 a day to nothing. I have went probably 7 years and not missed more than 1 day I think 1x i went 3 days because I was dayum near dead from stomach flu.
I have debated taking a part of a xanex to see if that helped the W/D. ( I havent done more than 1 a month on these but that still feels like cheating!)
Well I thought venting in here may help the emotional side of things and strange enough I do feel like it helps.
Thanks for the place to vent!
I have been trying to kick the pills for 6-8 months of reducing intake but I kept failing so figured I would get help- All I found was $$$ hungry DR's. The Last 2 Both said they would help with suboxone treatment. Yhe 1st told me he couldnt help on this because he didnt have the class. so he refered me to another - after signing up and goinf thru the office stuff and an hour long visit the refered Dr tells me he is retiring in 2 weeks so didnt want to write it and refered to another....erggg
After 20-30 phone calls I found a Dr that says they will refer me to a privatre practice that does outpatient help AND takes Insurance... Another office visit and another let down. After taking off work yet again and another office visit another payment....this Dr tells me she only completed 1/2 of the CEU class for suboxone and refers me to inpatient non insurance center- Whaaa whaaa whaa!
I have managed to fail 2 times now on cold turkey (no pills).
Sunday 04/26/09 3:00PM Was the last day I used!
Monday 04/27/09 I made it without any Pills. W/D was not really to bad. A little sweating - Upset stomach over all not too bad.
Monday eve I could not sleep - tossing and turning- LOTS of Sweating (so much I had to change pillows and shirt. My Head was pounding and lower back hurting.
Tues- Am YAwning constant- but not tired (go figure) - feel very hyper - Head pounding Hell My freekin teeth even hurt.
I feel Burst of shockin sensation every now and then. I almost called in sick to work but I only have 1 sick day left and thought tomarrow may be worse than today. 11 am Diareah started still sweating but now getting cold and then hot.
Is there a name for the shock like burst? Dunno how else to disribe it.
I plan on hitting a NA meeting after work. I really think I can do this!
I have dropped from I will say 250-300 mgs a day of Oxy's loratabs...any optioid down to a 10 a day to nothing. I have went probably 7 years and not missed more than 1 day I think 1x i went 3 days because I was dayum near dead from stomach flu.
I have debated taking a part of a xanex to see if that helped the W/D. ( I havent done more than 1 a month on these but that still feels like cheating!)
Well I thought venting in here may help the emotional side of things and strange enough I do feel like it helps.
Thanks for the place to vent!
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Hi Flip, I think I know the shock feeling you're talkin about. I use to call it getting ZAPPED it felt like I got an Electric Shock in my head, it happened even when I moved my eyes and the headaches were the worst. When I decided to detox myself I started having seizures, please be careful, I wouldn't advise trying to do this yourself. I had to go to detox for the alcohol and pills.
Hopefully someone can give you some advise.
Hopefully someone can give you some advise.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NW Ohio
Posts: 164
I wasn't able to function at all while detoxing. I was never on Suboxone. The doc at the tx facility offered it but then decided I had detoxed sufficiently in the hospital. So I can't relate to Suboxone. However, I DO know that docs have to be specifically licensed or certified in this before they are allowed to prescribe it. I have plenty of experience with insurances and dr offices, tho, and ....well....never mind....lol. They can be a pain to deal with. Good Luck and I hope you do well, eventhough I'm kinda an advocate for treatment facilities. That's because I believe I'd probably be dead without the one I went to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Hey Flip0812, I do know about the pills, and what your feeling is called withdrawal. Suboxone is given to help with the withdrawal symptoms. It helped me. I was addicted to pills for 10 years. Suboxone helped me come off with very little discomfort. You need to post on the substance abuse side of this forum. So many other addicts with the same problems and worse can give you some great reccomendations. However,it sounds like your also feeling the anxiety that is associated with coming off of opiates. I have been there and done that, and it's no picnic. Recovery is possible, but you really have to want it. I did. And I am 4 years clean now. Suboxone really helped with the anxiety, and all the other problems that come with the withdrawal. Good luck to you, and hang in there. There is alot of help. I sure hope you find the right doctor that can help you. I know here in NJ and in NY there are alot of doctors that prescribe suboxone like it's candy. Other states are not that easy to get the suboxone in. I don't know why it's that way. I hear alot of that on this site. Keep up the good work, take care of yourself. Drink alot of fluids, try chamomile tea if you cant sleep. Hot baths, and go to NA. A meeting is helpful, there is so much support there. Bless You. I hope you succeed. It is possible.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KY
Posts: 25
Weds 04/29/09 Well another day to chalk up to getting clean. Day3
Last night was more of the same Sweating - Diahreha - Sheww ate a cheeseburger and my boady has decided it does NOT like food anymore. I only had to change shirt and pillow 1x from being soaked with sweat.
I did get a Dr to give me Clonidine for Blood pressure (I did some research and found it was used for rapid w/d treatment in the past). This did seem to help a bit.
The worst seems to be over the constant Yawning has slowed a bit. The shocking pulses have became less frequent. A bit easier to stay in my seat at work today.
I have found a sort of a sponser that has been off opioids for 3 years- He has helped me a bunch and I know if it gets too bad hes a phone call away to help get my mind re directed.
Thanks for all the responces - this place really seems to let me feel as if I have a load of my shoulders just talking / posting.
Flip
Last night was more of the same Sweating - Diahreha - Sheww ate a cheeseburger and my boady has decided it does NOT like food anymore. I only had to change shirt and pillow 1x from being soaked with sweat.
I did get a Dr to give me Clonidine for Blood pressure (I did some research and found it was used for rapid w/d treatment in the past). This did seem to help a bit.
The worst seems to be over the constant Yawning has slowed a bit. The shocking pulses have became less frequent. A bit easier to stay in my seat at work today.
I have found a sort of a sponser that has been off opioids for 3 years- He has helped me a bunch and I know if it gets too bad hes a phone call away to help get my mind re directed.
Thanks for all the responces - this place really seems to let me feel as if I have a load of my shoulders just talking / posting.
Flip
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Good going Flip. I hope you feel better. I have been where you are, and it's not pretty. But it's still better than being an addict in active addiction. Be proud of yourself, and congratulations on day 3. Hang in there. Every day gets better and better.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Congrats on the clean time Flip, I am an alkie so I have nothing to share on pills, but going to NA and getting a sponsor imho is a great way to go, that and of course getting a doctor in the picture.
I am in AA and the best advice I can give you which I know applies in NA as well as AA is to keep an open mind, stay honest with yourself and others, and be WILLING to do what ever it takes to stay clean and sober. In early sobriety I was given what I thought were useless stupid suggestions, but I was willing to do what ever it took so I followed those useless stupid suggestions and I kept following them and I woke up one day and realized that those stupid useless suggestions were a major part in me staying sober, one of those suggestions stopped me from relapsing.
Take it a day, an hour, or a minute at a time, it will get better.
I am in AA and the best advice I can give you which I know applies in NA as well as AA is to keep an open mind, stay honest with yourself and others, and be WILLING to do what ever it takes to stay clean and sober. In early sobriety I was given what I thought were useless stupid suggestions, but I was willing to do what ever it took so I followed those useless stupid suggestions and I kept following them and I woke up one day and realized that those stupid useless suggestions were a major part in me staying sober, one of those suggestions stopped me from relapsing.
Take it a day, an hour, or a minute at a time, it will get better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
way to go flip,....3 days...awesome.
i tried so many times....to quit.
today is 4 months for me. It took me 4 years (twice) to get 90 days. i had hundreds of relapses.
you never have to have another drink/drug again.
stay in today and make staying clean your only and number one goal for today
you can do this...this time...
it is possible that you never have to take a drink/drug again.
i tried so many times....to quit.
today is 4 months for me. It took me 4 years (twice) to get 90 days. i had hundreds of relapses.
you never have to have another drink/drug again.
stay in today and make staying clean your only and number one goal for today
you can do this...this time...
it is possible that you never have to take a drink/drug again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KY
Posts: 25
Day 4 04/40/09 What a roller coaster!
Sweating has been a LOT less - stomach Much better. Anger was a big issue yesterday PM. Depression sets in today. So freeking bummed- I yesterday I wanted to change the Bummed title - today its all blues (Blue feelings not the blue pills).
Even tho my physical self has been a wreck emoptions were up and very perky yesterday. Today physical self is better and mental wreck. I was just sitting hear thinking One Phone call and I would "feel better" What a crock of Chit!"
I am not going to put myself back into that situation.
If I feel much worse Im going to leave work and go to my sudo sponcers house. Why am I so freekin angery -depressed - sad - I feel like I have lost a long time friend.
I am starting to see just how bad I have screwed up my life my kids my finances.
I know I didnt create this mess in a day or even a year so I should not expect to clean it up in a short time. I was / am not ready for these feeling. Just for this hour i am not going to use.
Again thanks all for letting me vent
Sweating has been a LOT less - stomach Much better. Anger was a big issue yesterday PM. Depression sets in today. So freeking bummed- I yesterday I wanted to change the Bummed title - today its all blues (Blue feelings not the blue pills).
Even tho my physical self has been a wreck emoptions were up and very perky yesterday. Today physical self is better and mental wreck. I was just sitting hear thinking One Phone call and I would "feel better" What a crock of Chit!"
I am not going to put myself back into that situation.
If I feel much worse Im going to leave work and go to my sudo sponcers house. Why am I so freekin angery -depressed - sad - I feel like I have lost a long time friend.
I am starting to see just how bad I have screwed up my life my kids my finances.
I know I didnt create this mess in a day or even a year so I should not expect to clean it up in a short time. I was / am not ready for these feeling. Just for this hour i am not going to use.
Again thanks all for letting me vent
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
You're doing great!
This early recovery is really hard, as you're finding. It was a time when I had to really, really look at what I had done to myself and my life. I had to recognize that a lot of the things I believed about myself were not true. It's hard, but you can do it. And, you're right, it will take time and patience.
This early recovery is really hard, as you're finding. It was a time when I had to really, really look at what I had done to myself and my life. I had to recognize that a lot of the things I believed about myself were not true. It's hard, but you can do it. And, you're right, it will take time and patience.
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Congratulations on your Day 4. You wrote "Why am I so freekin angery -depressed - sad - I feel like I have lost a long time friend. " You have lost a long time friend, alcohol & pills were just about our only friend for a long time and now we are doing without them. It is normal to feel like that. Call your sponsor or talk to someone who is in recovery they will help you through the rough times. Keep posting and sharing here on SR you are doing great.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Hey Flip, your doing great. It seems to me that you have been numb for all the time you have been using. Now your cleaning up, and your starting to feel again. I know just how you feel. It's not an easy situation, but you will be alright. I like the way you've changed your thinking. From one phone call and it will all be better, to what a crock of chit. Because one phone call, and your right back to square one with all of the same issues, plus active addiction that can kill you . At least if you stick out the hard times. The end result is sobriety, and the ability to reclaim your life. You cannot grow, or improve your self in any way while in addiction. You have already grown so much in the past few days. And yes, alot of emotions, and feelings will come up. Self medicating is not the answer. And you know it. Be strong, the first year with opiates is really hard. Don't give in, cause it will go away if you stay clean. Keep posting. The support will inspire you to do better. I wish I had this site, when I was first in recovery. I did it all by myself, with nobody. I didn't tell a soul, except for my doctor. I jonesed out, and kept it to myself. I wanted to use, but I wanted to be clean more. I'm proud to say I did it, and it's one of the best things that I ever did for myself. Suboxone helped me get off that stuff. Hang in there, your doing good.
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