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I owe you guys an apology...

Old 04-27-2009, 08:48 AM
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Thumbs down I owe you guys an apology...

My last post was totally rediculous, clouded by selfish judgement and my lack to accept responsibility for myself.
Apologies for that- truly.

I got a DUI two nights ago, and am reaping the repocussions as we speak.
It is likely that I will not have a liscence for a year, and I fully accept that and all the fees and fines, as punishment for my utter stupidity.

I have decided that enough is enough...
I have tried to give up drinking before, and failed, due to lack of control and temptation. (and selfishness)
This time I am going to kick booze for life.
I don't expect anyone to believe me at all, but I would say that any support, good or bad from you guys would be like gold dust for me right now.
I haven't slept or eaten in 2 days, yet I don't feel tired or hungry...

Thankfully no one was hurt in the incident, which I can be thankful for.
I'm sorry for my ignorance of late, and hope that I can still feel welcome here, even after the catastrophic stupidity of myself lately.
I have been an emotional wreck since saturday, I litterally can't cry anymore, and feel so utterly alone right now.

I can be thankful that this is Day 2.

Thankfully too, my partner is offering her full support, as are my parents, which I am eternally grateful for.
I want to quit drinking and by god I'm going to do it this time.

Thankyou for being here you guys...

I'm sorry... please help...
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Old 04-27-2009, 08:56 AM
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im sure your not the first drunk to act like an ass...

Its great that you got the support from family........

Have you thought of AA........works for me and has done for a while.

i cant stay sober without a program of recovery....i know ..ive tried without it..

Keep posting and having an open mind.......god be with you........trucker
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Old 04-27-2009, 08:59 AM
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original,
This could be it. You never have to feel this way again. It took a DUI for me to hit bottom but it feels good to say that I have not had a drink since!
I use AA and I am truly happy for the first time in I don't know how long!
Come join us
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:00 AM
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You know a lot of us go through a long cycle of relapses, some of us manage to find our bottoms before we sink really low, some of us almost take the elevator to the bottom floor before we get off, some of us get off 6 foot under because we never did find a bottom.

Congrats on the 2 days, so what are you doing different or extra this time to stay sober? For me to stay sober I had to reach that point where I was willing to do what ever it took to get sober and stay sober, every time before that I would always swear "I am going to stay sober this time.......... as long as I do not have to do (Name it).

If you stay honest with your self, stay willing and open minded to do what ever it takes to get sober, even things you really do not want to do you will stand a chance.

Good luck, we are here to support you and will happily share with you what worked for us.
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:08 AM
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You don't owe us an apology. Do your best to stop thinking about what happened in the past -- there's nothing there worth worrying about because all the worry on this earth cannot change what has already been done.

What we can do is focus on the present. And presently, you do not have your head in the toilet (or at least if you do it's from NOT drinking rather than drinking), you do not have the smell of alcohol on your breath, you are not regretting the last drink as you start the next one, and best of all, you will remember today without slowly piecing it together tomorrow.

Give yourself a hand and some credit. You're 2 days in. I'm 3 days in. We all start somewhere.
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:15 AM
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original,

Don't miss this chance. Like another person replied, you never have to do this again. You never have to feel like this again. You never have to suffer the consequences for these actions.

...But, you still can if you want to. I said the same things you are saying after my first DUI. I was sure that the slap in the face, the fear, the admission of my lack of control, would be sufficient to stop my drinking. Just like Bill's story in AA's Big Book, fear sobered me up for a little while. Then, because I have a mental obsession with the first drink, I picked up again. Same actions, same results. After each new consequence, including a few more DUI convictions, I would say the same thing. That this was the bottom I needed to stop for good. It never was. I could always find a new bottom.

That has all been some time ago. Somewhere along the way of repeating the same things over and over, and becoming ever more demoralized, I had a moment of clarity. And that moment of clarity was knowing deep in my heart that I was never going to get it under control. That there was no sufficient bottom that could prevent me from drinking. That I was doomed to just keep getting worse and worse and spending more and more time in jails. That, even with having a judge make it very clear what the consequences were for my continued drinking, I knew I would continue.

That's when I actually heard someone in AA when they told me there is a solution. And that's when I started to take the steps as a suggested program of recovery. And that's when my life changed and alcohol ceased to be a problem. The mental obsession was removed, and I live a life better than I had imagined.

Hope you can find a similar experience without the repetition I engaged in.
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:19 AM
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I just wanted to send some well wishes your way.. not luck, because that's not what this takes. The rest of this is totally up to you.. I hope you choose to stay sober.
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:24 AM
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Hi Original,

You can choose to make this the time that recovery works for you.

I'm glad you posted!
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:26 AM
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Hi origional, Im glad that this DUI has made things clearer for you and I hope it is your bottom so you can get into recovery. I am going through the DUI process right now and I know it sucks but it is also a learning experience. I dont know what state you are in but you might ask your lawyer if your state has defered prosecution for DUI, where you do alcohol/drug treatment and pay for that instead of paying court fines. Anyway, good luck and good job reaching out for support.
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:37 AM
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Often times pain brings profound and needed growth... Remember how you feel,... you don't have to feel this way again...

As many have said already, we need a program of recovery. You might as well check out AA... It works for me and brings light into my world. Besides, you will probably be expected to attend AA, or perhaps another program... but AA is free and you don't have to do anything, but it helps if you listen!!

No apologies expected by me.

Good luck,

Mark
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:40 AM
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Consider yourself blessed that no one was injured or killed from your DUI and get on with your recovery in earnest. You have been given the Gift Of Desperation; use it to recover from your alcoholism, for good, this time.
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Old 04-27-2009, 10:03 AM
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Three days ago I would have NEVER typed these words . . .

Saturday April 25th I woke-up with a hangover (again), and I thought I would never make it until the store opened at 9am to get more hooch. I had the shakes and the sweats. While I was waiting for the store to open, I decided to use the internet to look-up AA meetings in my neighborhood. I found one two blocks away that started at 8:45am, 15 minutes before the liquor store opened. I decided to go check it out. I figured if I didn't like it I could leave and head for more hooch.

I AM NOT a religous person, but despite that fact, I found the most hope in that little room than I ever have with regard to my ending this downhill spiral of drinking I am on. I felt no judgment and no pressure.

So, believe it or not, I am going to recommend AA. I am currently struggling with the higher power thing, but after three meetings (one each day) I will return again tomorrow because take those three letters out of it - that would be GOD - and what I see is a plan and hope.

Give it a try. All you will lose is one hour of your time, and if you are anything like me, we have already wasted a serious amount of time, so, what's an hour?
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Old 04-27-2009, 10:18 AM
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Thankyou to ALL of you... I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner but I've been on the phone all morning since 7am, trying to deal with the aftermath of my stupidity.

I AM going to be attending AA to aid my recovery.
I've already located one near to where I live but I just got an answering machine, so I'll ring later.

For now I have to go back to basics, food and sleep are what is next.
Thankyou for your responses, right now they mean the world to me, and make me feel far less alone than I did yesterday.

Thankyou
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Old 04-27-2009, 11:10 AM
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I don't know where you are, but where I am there are over 500 AA meetings in a week. I hope you are able to find more than one meeting. Our Central Office transfers to an answering service when the office is closed so there is always someone at the other end of the phone line and they have numbers of AA members to get in touch with if needed. I hope you get it this time. Good Luck.
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Old 04-27-2009, 12:02 PM
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Sometimes a good thump on the head is what we need to see what we've been doing to ourselves and others. I hope you can use this incident as the necessary motivation to look at what's happening with your life and lock on to the meetings, support of your family and SR to help you change your path. Sobriety is kinda like Christmas, sometimes you have to wait all year to get the gift. This is your December.
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:43 PM
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I am trying to think of good points...

I will be cycling everywhere, so my general fitness will improve for sure.
I can still attend my career, I am checked out and good to go- Thank god- as this would have been what tipped me over the edge if I couldn't do it anymore.
I will find out who my REAL friends are- for sure.
It is a test of my strength, character and endurance.

I got about 10 minutes sleep earlier, so I'm feeling a little more settled, but I still haven't eaten, I can't seem to keep anything down...
I never thought it would affect me but it has, hopefully this will improve.

If I can come through this next year without touching a single drop of alcohol, I will have endured the maximum amount of stress I think I've ever been through, and won't have turned to booze.

I was just thinking how ironic it is, that I need psychological help, but because of my suspension and fines, I can't get there or pay for it.
Wonderfully ironic, as I put it.

I'll check in soon, just cooking dinner for my partner and tidying the house- it's all I can do for today since I'm stuck here with no ride home.
(There's not even any public transport from this town)

Thanks again guys
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:57 PM
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sleep will come with time........dont worry yourself about it...i know it can feel tough but the more you fret the worse it will get......me anyway.

With the stomach knotted up......i would eat very little quiet often.

Like id keep a packet of prawns in the fridge and just grab a few every now and then...with weak tea or water.

rather than try to eat a meal keep it little and often just to get the cycle going again......to much food just come straight back up.

Like you i started with little nap...full of weird dreams and within a week or so you couldnt get me out of bed!!!!!

id take it easy on that bicycle....again little and often.......

Just stuff i remember helped........if it helps yer.......great......

ah yes something else.......with no sleep my eyes would get dry and sore.

optrex works a treat for that.........trucker
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Old 04-27-2009, 02:47 PM
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Hey Original. I don't know if you had ever mentioned it before but do you have a sponsor? This is just a suggestion and I'm throwing it at you hard and fast.....GET ONE!!!!!!

Also, if you work the steps with a sponsor I believe that it will help all that you need to do for you to make this work.

My best to you!! Good Luck!!
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Old 04-27-2009, 03:18 PM
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What's a sponsor? It might be a good idea, having said that, just being around people with our problem would help me the most I think. However at this point I'm willing to try ANYTHING that will aid me to an alcohol free life.

Right now I'm just feeling angry, as in the feeling of shock is subsiding and the anger at the situation is just flooding me.. It's all mixed emotions right now, and I guess it will be for a while, until I hit acceptance.

I heard a good quote on here that I will write down and carry with me on the bus...

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can."

This helps me because to me, my career is the most important thing. Obviously my partner is too, and I MUST keep reminding myself that if my DUI had have had worse circumstances, I would have lost them both.

Right now it is hard to simply relax.
I have to move out of my partners house- (we had a great plan- that Ive now destroyed) and move back to mine because commuting from my current location would be near immpossible.. So I cannot sell my house and help her with her mortgage. But we still get to be together and that's the most important thing.

Thank you all for your support... and yeah-

I'll take it easy on that bike!
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Old 04-27-2009, 03:48 PM
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I'll jump on the bandwagon about joining AA. It works. And most likely the judge will order you to attend ASAP, which requires you to attend AA meetings. Just remember, its ok to fall 9 times if you get up 10.
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