katie89

I drank heavily off and on for around 16 years.My extended family wanted nothing to do with me,they cut me out of their lives.I lost 40pounds and didn't really care about me at all. I will tell you something now and it has been going on 13 years since my last drink.I will never forget how my brother could have cared less about me.How it was forbidden for his children from coming to see me.Without my Aunt I would have died of drink.She never judged me and where there when I needed her,never belittled me once.I never felt like a scab with her ever.She made me feel as though I was worth something.How can some people judge others so harshly?We all have an addiction for something. I feel that me telling my husband I won't be there for him after he quits he will have not much to look forward to.I feel that he needs the support of people who love him.Not just strangers.To just cut someone who is killing themselves out of your life and being mad at them forever serves who?It is not like we are all so perfect that we can sit up on our high horse and judge someone else.Love is Love and turning that into hate only serves who? Anyhow that is what I am feeling right now.I understand that the addict to drugs has to be wanting to quit but why do we have to remove ourselves for years from them?

CarolD

Blessings to you and your husband

Latte

I understand. Have you considered Al-Anon? I love my father who is an active alcoholic. I am in recovery myself. Al-Anon has taught me that I can love him, be his daughter, enjoy him while he is here(he has Parkinsons) and create boundries and enforce them so we are both happy with the relationship. Al-Anon has allowed me to forgive him for things that he did when I was a child (not physical abuse) and move on. I feel so blessed to have the burden of anger lifted.

Dime

Hi Katie,
I can definitely relate to what you are saying because I am personally experiencing it and for the life of me I do not understand why either. I have only been sober for seventeen months but see no logical reason to expect the situation to change. I am an AA person but frankly I get irritated when others tell me that everything is exactly the way it should be and that my family will come around. To me I am more comfortable saying to myself "It's just the way it is" because it seems more accurate to me.

The only thing that seems to work for me is to accept things that I do not have any control over and move on with my life. I prefer to focus on the good stuff that's going on around me and capitalize on those opportunities. When I do that my day is much better.

Congrats on the years of sobriety!!

katie89

I understand that you can't help an addict until they want to help themselves that mkes complete logical sense to me.So the addict starts and where are these people you love? They wait till you are "completely"off.Which is what 2 years later or whatever so in the meantime you make another new family of people who were there for you while trying to recover.Not the people who say they "love" you.I never understood that part.Thanks for allowing me to vent.

coffeenut

Hi Katie. Glad you are here!

For me, and for me only, I had to cut ties w/a family member because there was simply no trust. Cussing, screaming, accusing...I never knew where I stood. One minute they loved me, then next minute I was afraid they would cut my throat. We did reconcile for a bit in there (over the course of 10 years) but they are still very angry I didn't do some things in that time differently. I can't change that. And, I'm sorry about that.

I'm still very much afraid the situation would continue, and to be quite honest, I just don't think I can handle it anymore, but that is just me. I still miss them horribly. I just can't live like that.

The only thing I can tell you is to live for you. Let go what you can not control. If you have made gestures to your family and they still don't accept you, then go with that. You are a strong woman.....show them that!

I really do wish you the very best. 13 years! How cool is that! Please stick around SR. There are a lot of good people with a lot of good ideas.

flutter

My family and hubby loved me more than I could love myself, during the times I was drinking. I wish now, that I would have made them more of a priority in my life, and not needed that stupid drink instead. I wasted a lot of precious time that I could have had with all of them, and I will always feel bad about that. I wouldn't have blamed them one bit if they had wanted me out of their life, I was destrying myself, and parts of them along the way. And I was too drunk and selfish to see it.

I don't know why your family is the way they are.. 13 years sober is a very long time, if I read that right. Just take care of you..

Missymae737

Hi Katie,

Thirteen years is a huge accomplishment...You must be very proud.

First off, I feel there shouldn't be any judges in many areas of life, but ONE.

Quote
"Love is Love and turning that into hate only serves who? Anyhow that is what I am feeling right now.I understand that the addict to drugs has to be wanting to quit but why do we have to remove ourselves for years from them?'

kATIE,

THIS IS TRAGIC WHEN IT HAS TO HAPPEN.

When all else fails, interventions, repeated attempts to help the addicted person into recovery,

In the case of the addicted where the person continues to spiral out of control to dangerous areas that puts the addicted person life in danger, and other peoples lives at stake.

Yes, we may have to remove ourselves from the situation,,,

It is then their choice...

Anna

Hi Katie,

In my opinion, recovery is a deeply personal journey.

I am sending prayers for you and your husband.

Toomutch

Katie, I have an alcoholic sister who I love very much! Recently however I had to tell her I will not speak to her when she is drunk because she says mean and hateful things to me and is very abusive.
I do not judge her and I will be there for her when she comes out of the denial she is in. I have tried again and again to get through to her only to be attacked.

I am praying for you and your husband.

Bubsfriend

May you find the resources you need from the people who can help you most. You are in good company on this site. I hope you connect with someone who shares a similar story. We seem to need to know we are not the only ones, it has always helped me to listen to the experience, strenght and hope of others.

katie89

My family talk to me now,but they don't mean what they used to be anymore.It is I who now shuns them.They feel they did the right thing by removing themselves from me,which to a degree I understood but not to where they would not stand by you when you are trying to be addict free,helping you work your program etc...My husband is not a liar and a cheat except when he is using.I know there is no guarantee in anything in life.But I will not turn my back on someone I was married to for 28 years and say untill you are completly straight in what 2 years then I may talk to you again.It is not who I am and I need to follow my heart.That doesn't mean I won't take care of my self too.It just means I love him and I know it is the drugs making him act like a weirdo .Thanks everyone for listening to me.If he isn't going to even try and quit well then He has made his choice.But I will only have regr:ghug3ets that he didn't try and thats for him,but for me I will know that I have tried to be there for him